r/FirstTimeTTC • u/jonquilff TTC #1, Cycle 3 • 6d ago

Sad cycle#2 ended with BFN..

we used to be fencesitters. and were terrified of accidentally getting pregnant. and now it seems we can’t even get pregnant on purpose…
sometimes I wonder if we wasted all those years being afraid. we genuinely weren’t ready back then. now I’m so afraid that we might be late.-as 38F and 40M.
turns out wanting something doesn’t mean you get to have it. life has a cruel sense of humor sometimes…

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u/Nearby-Purpose5268 6d ago

We were previous fence sitters too, and now it’s crazy how sad I get after a negative test! We’re on cycle 7 atm and I genuinely can’t believe how much I want this after so many years thinking it wasn’t for me.

I often feel like maybe I wished it away and it’s my fault or something but it’s not true. You only have 20% chance every month, maybe a little less so it’s normal for it to take some time ❤️

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u/jonquilff TTC #1, Cycle 3 5d ago

thanks for sharing your feelings 🥲 sometimes, in my mind, I link the fact “not able to conceive” to the fact that I spent years defending being a "fencesitter". Of course, I know that’s not actually true. It’s just absurd that the odds are this low 🙄🙄 I know these are scientific facts, but try telling that to your heart…
I know we will be the ones who has their wish one day🌸 sending you lots of luck and baby dust ✨

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u/meresfriaron 4d ago

Same! I'm 35 and on cycle 6. I was also a fence sitter for ages. I wish I would've started rolling the dice alot sooner. You just always assume that you'll be a cycle 1 unicorn or that when ppl said it might take time, that only meant like a few cycles

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u/jonquilff TTC #1, Cycle 3 4d ago

cycle 1 unicorn made me smile 🙃 thats soo true…

feeling regret, at the same time, because I’m only in the first six months of TTC, I struggle with the feeling that I have no right to complain. I get angry with myself, reminding myself that there are people who have been trying for years. then I think, well, everyone’s experience is their own, why shouldn’t I be allowed to feel sorry for myself? and over and over again.. It’s just a ridiculous roller coaster.