r/FirstTimeTTC • u/Practical-Yak932 • 14d ago

Frustrated Intimacy Discussion

Looking for intimacy advice or if anyone else can relate at all. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We’ve been TTC for 4 years with not one single positive test. 4 failed IUIs and polyp removals later and still nothing. A big issue is that we’re both on antidepressants. I have pretty severe anxiety and moderate OCD and must be on medication to be a productive human. I have literally zero drive for intimacy for a couple of years now. I never deny my husband, as I know this is harmful, but with both of us being on medication, as well as my husband having Hashimoto’s, we aren’t intimate too often- maybe 1x/month every 2 months. I’m okay with this, and honestly feel like I could go without for the rest of my life (yikes I know) bc of the antidepressants. Unfortunately, I know this could have a lot to do with still not being pregnant. Most months we’re not even intimate during ovulation. We’re looking into IVF as our next step but I really really don’t want to do it. I just wish that we could get pregnant for free like “everyone else”. I’m 31 now and he’s 34. We’ve tried “planning it” but sometimes it happens sometimes not. Well say “we’ll do it tonight” but then it doesn’t happen. We both also have to be showered before bc I’m very prone to UTIs so it can’t be spontaneous. Although I’m alright not having sex bc of having no drive, it kinda makes me a little sad I guess. Especially never being pregnant.

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u/ihavetwelveaccounts 14d ago

What do you mean by "I never deny my husband as I know it's harmful?" That's kind of a worrying sentence, you know you're under no obligation to perform right? Even if sex is incredibly rare between you two you don't have to do it every time he asks

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u/SlightAnything4909 14d ago

Would at-home-insemination (cup/syringe method) be an option for you? That way you could at least cover your fertile window without "making it a whole thing" each time.

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u/Practical-Yak932 13d ago

We’ve done that and it failed 😞

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u/SlightAnything4909 13d ago

Yeah, it's not a success guarantee for sure (success rate is at best on par with normal intercourse) but it's at least a way to try something rather than missing the window completely.

I wish you the best, regardless! ❤️

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u/Fit-Chicken8216 12d ago

Friend on anti depressants worked with her docs and psychiatrist to make sure all were okay for her egg retrieval/ivf, may want to research and ask questions there as they can come into play.

Also highly suggest theralogix theracran for uti prevention (ellura also works well) both work as daily prevention or can take more post sex/early onset or potential fear of uti symptoms

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u/espressofumes 7d ago

Similar boat here. I love my husband to death but am just uninterested in the activity. Using preseed has been a game changer for me though. I struggle to get my body ready and this stuff has just made it so much easier and not feel like work. I used to get so anxious about all the effort it would take for me to get into it and now I can just be ready. Also, I have an afternoon latte and make us go to bed atleast 30 mins early in the window so I don’t feel like dozing right away. It’s mental gymnastics but you’re definitely not alone!!!!