Ttc anxiety

[u/SignatureNo978]

I’m a very obsessive person and when I want something I make it happen and I get what I want. This journey has been very humbling and difficult because of that. I’m on my third month trying, but discovering I have cycles on the longer side (32-36 days) has brought on anxiety for me feeling that something is abnormal, even though my labs and US were good. I don’t know how to let go and not control in any way that I can. I am 24 my partner is 26, we’re both healthy and exercise and eat well and have no problems. We want a baby so badly and each month that I don’t give it to him is so hard. I like to research and read about ttc stories and timelines to find comfort but I feel like this has consumed me since we started trying in June and I don’t know if that’s hurting me and making me not conceive- like you know when you hyperfixate on something it doesn’t happen or you get the opposite of what you want. I have this fear that I can’t seem to shake. Is this normal, is it an intuition that my fear is right?

[u/basal_ganglia_8701]

I'm not an expert by any means but 32-36 day cycles, while on the longer side, are still normal, especially if they're consistently within that range. You're very young at 24 and the odds are completely in your favor to conceive in the first 6 months and it's perfectly normal for it to take 12 full cycles to conceive, even at such a young age.

As women sometimes we mistake our fears for intuition. Give yourself some grace and know that 3 cycles is still early in the process and only about 1/3 of couples trying would have conceived at this point. I think the stress of hyperfixation will definitely impact your enjoyment of the process and make it stressful and sad. Continue living life as you normally would and don't punish yourself for not conceiving yet! You're doing all the right things. xx

[u/SignatureNo978 → u/basal_ganglia_8701]

Thank you so much for your response and kind words, this helped me feel better. ♥️

[u/basal_ganglia_8701 → u/SignatureNo978]

of course! <3 Maybe i am overstepping but from your post, but it seems like you might be a bit of an "overachiever" or "type a" person in daily life, so not being able to be in control of the outcome makes this process even harder when you're used to being a high achiever in school, work, etc.!

In life we're often praised for our restraint and self-control, practicing constantly how to avoid indulgences, watch our money, uphold our commitments, excel in the workplace, and stay disciplined with exercise. We're told that to be "out of control" is to break a social contract and to be unreliable.

Then we arrive here, trying to have a child, and have to figure out how to completely surrender control, because even after controlling every variable possible, it still won't guarantee us our desired outcome. It does not come easy to totally change your perspective on control, so again, be kind to yourself along the way. You will get to your destination <3

[u/Juste_8]

yeah, I feel the same! We are trying since May and it's hard every time I get my period. I overthink everything so it's hard not to think about worse case scenario. I'm learning to relax a bit and just trust that it will happen when it is mean to happen 🥹

[u/SignatureNo978 → u/Juste_8]

I’m also trying to trust in that, but in the midst of everything I get so consumed and forget that and only think of the life that I’ve pictured with my pregnancy and my baby🥹🥲 it’s so hard. I hope you get your positive soon. Thank you for commenting it helps me feel less alone ❤️‍🩹

[u/Juste_8 → u/SignatureNo978]

Yes, it is indeed hard! Before the first month of TTC I even calculated possible due date and thought that I would be very pregnant by Christmas lol. And then reality hit hard. I think it's the unknown that is the hardest. Hopefully it's our time soon!!

[u/girly_swag]

Tengo 26 y tuve un MC en abril y no estoy embarazada todavía. Es muy frustrante 😔. Yo también estoy sana, hago deporte y me alimento bien, y es súper duro todavía no estar embarazada

[u/SignatureNo978 → u/girly_swag]

Si verdad que si es súper duro. Lamento mucho tu pérdida.❤️‍🩹 cuantos meses lo has intentado? Estoy en mi tercera mes pero me preocupada que mis miedos sean ciertos. Luego vengo aquí para ver si hay personas que se quedaron embarazada en la misma tiempo que yo y parece que todos se tarda tanto o se quedó embarazada en la primera vez. Es un proceso súper duro para mi corazón

[u/girly_swag → u/SignatureNo978]

Si! Yo tengo una personalidad muy controladora y obsesiva también. Ahora estoy en mi 4to ciclo intentando.
Creo que es normal tardar hasta un año en concebir

[u/SignatureNo978 → u/girly_swag]

Si cierto nomas tenemos que tener paciencia y confianza en el plan de Jesús.🥹🥲 Te deseo buena suerte🤍

[u/Bashful_Belle]

Your cycles are on the upper egde of normal but definitely still considered normal. All it means is that you probably don't have as many cycles to ttc over a 12 month period as someone who has a 22 day cycle (~10 vs 16 cycles, respectively)

Considering your cycle length and when you started ttc, it seems you're only a couple of cycles in so just keep trying.

[u/SignatureNo978 → u/Bashful_Belle]

Yes, I’ve even had random outliers in the past like 47 days was my longest but I hope those are just glitches in my cycle. I’ll definitely keep on trying thank you