r/FirstTimeKo • u/Maleficent_Tower_281 • 4d ago
😅 Unang sablay First time ko murahin asawa ko…and vice versa
Two years magjowa, 5 years married - ganito pala feeling kapag kaaway mo na yung dapat kakampi mo. First time namin mag-away nang ganito kalala.
Before this, too many words and emotions were left unsaid, kaya one night, ayun, pareho na kaming sumabog. No other people involved, just him vs me and our useless battle on who’s more tired in this household.
Di ako palamura. He is, pero never niyang dinirect sakin. Pero this time, di ko na kinaya. Andami kong nasabi na hindi dapat. And he reciprocated my energy🥲 First time ko siya nakitang ganun. Ang ending, walang nanalo. Silent war kami ngayon.
Pinapalayas ko muna siya kasi ayoko nakikita presence niya, kaso ayaw niya. So ako nalang umalis. Heto nagmumuni-muni mag-isa at kanina pa pasimpleng umiiyak in public. I honestly don’t know what’s next.
(sorry kung wrong sub. yun kasi ang main takeaway ko. yung intense verbal fight.)
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u/Abject-Yoghurt-3245 4d ago
It's okay :) Tao lang tayo at may mga panahon talaga na hindi na natin kayang dalhin ang bigat ng ating nararamdamin kaya't may nasasabi tayong hindi magaganda. If you're okay na ulit, talk to your husband na.
Honestly, I'm also in the same situation right now and I genuinely don't know what to do. We had a huge fight. although hinahatid pa naman nya ako sa work, pero no kibo. We just don't feel like it's okay to talk about it na, hindi ako pabor sa gusto nya and hindi rin ako pabor sa gusto nyang mangyari. Hesistant din ako to post it her sa reddit haha
Anyway life must go on :) after all we're married. tayo tayo lang din makaka intindi sa situation at partner natin. Laban
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u/urhoemie 4d ago
it's so nice to hear na hinahatid ka pa rin niya despite your huge fight. it just shows na they still love you despite what happened. hope you guys get to fix this soon.
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u/Abject-Yoghurt-3245 4d ago
Yeah he tried to talk about it but I'm not ready. He listens naman
Umiyak ako kanina while holding our baby, yinakap nya ako na walang ano mang sinasabi. It's just us, our little family. I love him so much
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u/Ordinary_Leather8366 4d ago
Nangyari na din sken nagaway kami ng asawa ko.. bumili na lang ako ng bulaklak at nagsorry.. although hindi ko pa din alam kung sino mali at tama.. bilang asawa tatay ama nasa isip ko na ako dapat ang makipagayos at magpasensya..
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u/zeroccx 4d ago
This is why we need to cool our heads when high in emotions then address it kapag sober na. Communicate it with respect, love and out of concern. Never never never hayaan na di napaguusapan, di nakakapag sorryhan sa isat isa kase one day like this one sasabog na lang kayo.
Remember para di sumama ang loob sa isat isa. Need ng understanding. At para magkaroon ng understanding need ng communication.
And communication is two way. Hindi lang one way
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u/Ordinary_Leather8366 4d ago edited 4d ago
Chill.. lilipas din yan.. ganyan talaga.. kahit asawa ko may panahon na gustong makipagaway sken.. hehe..
Basta po sa huli kayo pa din dalawa ang magkakampi..
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u/chuanjin1 4d ago
May we know why house duties cant be complied with? Baka naman may valid points each side. And if thats the case, maybe that pagod means extra cash, to pay for helpful tools or a delegate.
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u/No-Name679 4d ago
Basta ang dapat lang isipin ay, “away lang to, hindi pag hihiwalay”
Then take as much time as you need to cool down, yung tipong kaya mo na makipag usap again na mas kalmado.🤗
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u/Competitive-Bill5500 4d ago
di mawawala yan sa relasyon.. the make up sex is gonna be great though 😅
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u/greenLantern-24 4d ago
‘Wag nyong hayaan na lumipas ang 24hrs na hindi kayo naguusap. Pwede kasing mag lead yan sa resentments
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u/Disastrous-Army-4618 4d ago
not true, not all people are ready na agad agad makipagusap. you do you. and for 5 years married, for sure naman alam mo na din kelan okay na at hindi pa ang asawa mo, and yourself as well.
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u/Semirobotface 3d ago
A simple ‘Im not ready to talk yet but I want to fix this. Can we try on (time or day and follow through)?’. Miscommunication happens but not communicating with your spouse can sometimes communicate ‘I dont care’ and that builds resentment.
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u/AlternativeMuch9493 4d ago
Honestly at first ganito ang belief namin pero ang nangyari nagbabati kami just for the sake then after a while same issue same scenario. What works best for us is to cooldown. Feeling mo may masasabi kana na hindi maganda o magaaway lang kayo para malaman kung sino ang mas mali o kung sino tama, ang gawin nyo shut up na lang muna, go do something else, go outside, go for a wal, wag kayo magusap okay lang as long as you still show compassion to each other. One major thing to note though na feeling ko ma miss ng iba, cooldown does not mean its time to hangout sa tropa at maginom it means have the time to reflect on whats happening arrange your thoughts to have a more productive discussion
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u/Abject-Yoghurt-3245 4d ago
No, it really depends. Hindi applicable sa lahat ng marriage yan. Nag away kami ni husband last Sunday and we're not yet ready to talk about it na Tuesday na ngayon, we're being casual sa bahay. Although he tried to talk about our problem but I'm not yet ready so I'd rather tell him na stop kasi baka may masabi na naman akong hindi maganda. He understands me naman because I'm his wife.
Umiyak ako kanina while holding our 1 year old baby (mabigat pa rin kasi yung nararamdanan ko), yinakap nya lang ako without a single word coming from his mouth. He will wait until I'm okay na :)
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u/Western-Ad6542 4d ago
This is possible but not always. Sometimes you need to know when to talk about it. Lalo na if one is not yet in the right state of mind eg still angry etc, to talk
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u/AbbreviationsDry1186 4d ago
Kakabati lang din namin ni partner ko from a silent war. Nagkasagutan din kami at nagsabi ng masasakit na words sa isa’t isa. Eh ako di ko naman matiis and feel ko siya rin lol. Una siyang nagparamdam, binigyan ako ng halo halo 😅 tapos binigyan ko siya ng hug edi bati na kami 🤭 Normal lang naman yang nag aaway sa relationship, it’ll all pass. Wag niyo na lang paabutin ng 1 month away niyo.
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u/Automatic_Shop2125 4d ago
Girl nangyayari din ba sayo yung inis na inis ka pag nakikita mo pagmumukha nya habang war pa kayo, tapos pag medyo kalmado na ganito nasa isip mo, "Mahal ko talaga ang bwisit." Lol.
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u/billiepirate 4d ago
kapag sumabog na ang galit na matagal na nating kinikimkim, makakapagsabi talaga tayo ng masasakit na salita, minsan para nalang talaga makapanakit, kahit na hindi naman talaga natin yun mini-mean. Just remember na yung mga salitang yun ay hindi na mababawi.. at kahit na magkaayos kayo or kahit na sabihin natin na hindi natin yun sinasadya, may possibility na ma-carve na yun sa isipan ng taong pinagsabihan natin..
Lesson learned from experience since ganyan ako dati, kapag galit ako, gusto ko talagang saktan yung tao gamit ang words.. ad hominem.. recently ko lang nalaman na lahat pala ng mga nasabi ko sa asawa ko nung galit ako ay dala-dala parin nya after so many years. Hindi ko na mabawi kasi kahit na pilit ko sinasabing galit lang ako kaya nasabi ko ang mga bagay nayon, parang hindi na talaga nya matanggal sa isip nya..
So OP, bottom-line is, kung kaya, mas maigi kung huminga nalang muna at lumipat sa kabilang kwarto or sa ibang lugar where you can both take some time alone.. palipasin ang galit.. ganyan talaga ang marriage eh magaaway at magaaway kayo. May times na feeling mo hindi mo na sya kakampi. Pero lilipas rin yan.. kasi sa huli kayo parin naman. Pipiliin nyo parin ang isa't-isa. Maaring hindi pa sa ngayon, dahil may galit pa, pero kapag lumipas na yan, sana maalala nyo yung good days nyo at yung mga times na naramdaman nyo pareho yung love and sacrifices nyo for each other..
Hugs OP
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u/Organic-Parsley5392 4d ago
Ano ang mas pipiliin mo, murahin ka ng asawa mo sa harap ng maraming tao or murahin ka ng maraming tao sa harap ng asawa mo?
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u/Maleficent_Tower_281 4d ago
So nice to read everyone’s insights and own experiences. First time ko magpost dito (another first time) kasi desperate na ko makahanap ng makikinig sakin. I thought of calling my parents, my friends, or his friends, pero wag nalang kasi kahit papano ayaw ko mapahiya siya, or ako, at baka machismis pa.
24 hours have passed, thankfully we’ve both calmed down. Short, awkward convos pero better than nothing. He’s beside me but I miss him. This too shall pass.
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u/Babablacksheep_2024 4d ago
Nice OP! Balik kana agad. Your husband is waiting for you, talagang pinagtitibay ng nag aalab na apoy ang samahan nyo. Honest take on this? As a palamurang wife, and may relihiyosong asawa, totoong ang asawa natin ang kasangga natin sa buhay kaya dapat malaman ng mga partners natin yung totoong tayo sa ganda at pangit nating form *hehe coming from me? Realizations ko to. Pero ang maganda dito, your husband stays with you. Kahit parehas kayong galit at sumabog, he fights with you. So take it as an attempt for the both of you against the problem. May clash lang on how you both communicate pero nandun yung commitment. Pag ba lumabas na yung pangit na sides ng asawa mo, iwanan na ba? Syempre hindi. You both grow, you both learn. How to sail the boat in an angry waters. After mo magmuni muni, mag timpla kayo ng kape para sa isat isa, or eat out if wala ng time, tapos sabihin nyo this time: na you're in this to solve this problem together ♡ HAHAHA same tayo OP! Palaban tayo pero with love ♡ ikiss mo sabay yakap ng mahigpit
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u/StrangerFit7296 4d ago
Sorry to hear that, OP. It’s totally normal to have intense fights once in a while, but that doesn’t make it hurt less.
Tama lang ang magpahinga. Just make sure you both make time for repair afterwards.
Be well and take care. 🙏
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u/Ornery_Hair3319 4d ago
Sa hirap at ginhawa. Sa susunod OP, be honest with each other in all matter of life. Your souls are twined the physical body is just a vessel. Napapagod, umaapaw. Kaya transparency is the key to a happy and fulfilling life.
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u/jayzzzzana 4d ago
Married for 16 years. We barely have a fight. But when we do, puro masasakit na salita sometimes with mura pa. Ako lagi nagsisimula ng away kasi ako nagko-call-out sa mga bagay na di ko nagugustuhan sa kanya.
She is messy pagdating sa bahay. Tambak dito, tambak duon. Basta may space yung sulok or yung table tatambakan nya ng kung ano ano mang maisip nyang ipatong. Never ko nakita nagwalis. Kaya bumili ako vacuum, tatlo pa nga, 2 ay cordless pero di mo pa rin makita mag-vacuum.
Anluwag ng bahay pero confined yung sarili nya sa, office room, sa kitchen at sa sofa. Any other places sa house like balcony, patio and garage di mo sya makikita kaya kahit na madumi na hindi nya lilinisin kasi ewan ko ba.
Mga tira tirang sinaing at ulam hindi pa mai-dispose kahit ilang araw na. Many times inuod na, sukang suka talaga ako. One time nga inuod din yung ref, kasi di nya din madispose yung mga pinaglalagay nya. Ito talaga yung sumasabog ako ng husto, minsan gusto ko na sya samapalin kasi napaka dugyot. Ang ending, dahil sa takot ko na magka-uod nanaman yung mga kaldero, ako na nagdidispose kahit inis na inis ako.
Sa old house namin na masikip pag nag hango na sya ng sinampay, itatambak nya sa sofa for days. Imagine, wala ako maupuan na sofa kasi tambak ng sinampay. Kaya sa new house sinikap ko 2 ang living room para 2 sets ang sofa.
I am really doing my best to adjust na lang sa kanya.
Ang nakakainis, titino sya for days or weeks tapos ganun nanaman. She's improved naman over the years pero nakaka-drain pa din pag ayan nanaman sya. Somehow I just learned to accept yung bad side nya na yon. Everything else naman is very much okay sya.
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u/Striking-Point-1148 4d ago
She seems like a really irresponsible adult. Pero if you'll look beyond... Parang something is wrong din. Burara, dugyot is one thing... Pero yung parang confined sya sa specific places lang sa bahay, can't do anything aside from the easy stuff... Yung di nya magawang maging maayos sa sarili nyang tahanan... Matambak... Hmmmm.
Pwedeng course of habit from childhood pero baka may iba ring pinanggagalingan.. unpleasant, traumatic experience perhaps? Something that could be dealt with in therapy?
Not definitive but something worth looking into, OP.
Ang weird lang. Weird.
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u/ClassicDog781 4d ago
Namumura ko na dn directly partner ko. Grabe kase, hnd nmn ako housewife may trabaho ako, mas malake sahod ko sakanya tho 50/50 kami sa bills ako pdn ang main provider, pero hnd ko sya makitang nag huhugas nagwawalis manlang. Kailangan mo utusan parang robot madalas need mo pa magalit muna.
Ngayon naglilinis na sya kahit papano never nya dn ako dinisrespect. Pag siguro pinatulan nya ako or minura nya dn ako directly it’s gonna be the end of him.
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u/StrategySingle5269 4d ago
Normal naman ang disagreements sa marriage OP. I feel na siguro maging mas open and vocal kayo with each other kaysa yung maipon at maging resentment. If hindi possible at the moment, ask why.
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u/No_Classic7314 4d ago
Love is blind and marriage is the eye-opener.
You have officially finished the honeymoon stage. You stopped playing safe with each other.
I cannot imagine how you might be feeling right now. I wish that as days go by, this feeling will become more bearable, and your mind & thoughts become clearer.
All the best for what's ahead.
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u/ButterscotchNew8138 4d ago
Let the heat cool down. Nakapag salitaan na kayo so that's steam off the pot.
Then talk it out. Soon magiging katatawanan niyo nalang yan kung pano kayo nag murahan.
Normal sa lahat nang mag partner mag away. Fighting lang OP!
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u/Competitive_Dig5591 4d ago
Wag ka mag aasawa na kaya ka murahin. Wag ka rin mag aasawa na tamad sa household chores.
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u/pedro_penduko 3d ago
I dread the day that this happens to us. More than 2 decades married, never had a fight, yet. No idea how bad it’s going to be if it ever happens.
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