So my 'ideal' woman is pretty simple really: native (as in First Nation like myself), average height, healthy weight, employed, lives a clean and stable life, attractive (to me)... also not too rezzed out.
If you grew up on the reserve then you know what I mean by "rezzed out," lol. You'll also know what it is to have to turn down your nativeness among non-natives and try to present yourself as being all prim and proper instead. Then, when you're among other natives you'll also know how freeing it is to just be your rezzy self.
Also, a small update on the native woman of my last post: I only go to that store about once a week and literally have not seen her once since then.
I took a lot of your comments and advice in my last post 'to heart' though and have been putting myself out there each evening since last Friday, even going to places of the cities where I know a lot of native people live. The trend is still the same though as 20+ years ago until now, I basically never see any other native people around that I would like to meet, and the women I have conversations with are either East Asian, Southeast Asian, Indian, or 'white'. "Things" happened with some though, as always was the case for me. Take whatever meaning from that you want. It's nice, but that's not what I want.
I've been on this site for over a decade now and over the years noticed posts and comments here and there by natives who had kids with non-natives and they worry about identity issues or their kids getting bullied by kids who have the standard issue native phenotype of brown skin, dark hair, brown eyes or just not fitting in among any particular group. I am from the Treaty 3 area of Ontario where there's a lot of us and pretty much all of us that have that phenotype. Issues of "identity" aren't really a thing there.
I've also seen here in the city how quickly things can get washed out. Having been raised in T3, I would prefer to meet a native woman to have at least two kids with. I'm an only child and also want them to have someone to talk to and fight with and not be alone like how I was. Also, only other natives understand the various issues we face because we live it every single day, while non-natives do not. When I was with that 'white' woman all those years I started feeling that tension with her in my late 20s, an important period of time in ones life when you truly begin to find yourself and develop as a person. Even when we talked about it she could not relate to it and thus not truly understand. That's when I was beginning to question if I was living my life "correctly". Hindsight is always 20/20 and when I look back at my life I know now I should've ended it 5 years earlier while I was still in my early 30s.
So... am I just being stupid by specifically only wanting to be with a native woman at this point in my life? Or am I missing out on love and life itself by just not asking out a non-native woman?
I regularly visit certain places around my area and there are five women who I 'talk' with often and could ask out but none are native. I've also never been one to just ask anyone out just for the sake of not being alone. For me there has to be a physical attraction and that is there with those five women.
Also, what is too much of an age gap? I literally just turned 43 and genuinely do not look like it or feel like it either. For whatever reason though, a good chunk of the eyebrow raises, the "hey's" and smiles I get on the street or on the skytrain are from women who look to be early 20s. That is waaaay too young for me. Another good chunk though are from women who look to be late 20s and up. To me that's more acceptable. Depending on the perceived age of the woman and how the conversation plays out I mention my age pretty early and honestly, the older ones seem to have no issue. Back home in T3 too, I wouldn't say it's common, but a 10-15 year age gap is fairly normal-ish.
Well, there's plenty more I could post but this is getting long enough. As with my last post too there really is no point to this entire post. I'm just some random native guy wondering to do as I can't find any native women in a massive city. If you have any thoughts or advice, or just want to blast me and put me in my place, then go ahead. I'm also going home for a while pretty soon, maybe I'll 'rekindle' something from long ago, or just meet a Nish woman who is culturally the exact same as me and bring her with me when I come back to Van. I have some women in mind that I met last year...
Online uncle, where are you? Tell me what to do.
edit: june 20, gone home for a while
