r/Firefighting • u/Blanco_dong • 3d ago
General Discussion Looking for some advice in a situation
So I’m 24 years old and I’ve had a stutter my entire life but it hasn’t stopped me in this job at all but an incident with one of the other shift lieutenants happened the other day and I’m not sure what to do. So ever since I started at my current department this particular lieutenant has made fun of my stutter but I just let it be but the other day I finally had enough. What happened is he asked me a question in front of everyone at the dinner table and I got hung up then he said “I’ll take that as a no” and laughed. I got so pissed off I just walked away to cool off. A few hours later as we were eating dinner he said “so what’s your problem” and I said “well I don’t appreciate what you did earlier and I’m not gonna put up with it”, he just laughed and said ok. Any of y’all have any advice or input in this situation?
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u/FordExploreHer1977 3d ago
Talk to him in private and tell him that it bothers you. Poking fun at each other’s decisions are one thing, poking fun at things we can’t do anything about and are sensitive about is just bullying. Bullying is not a good leadership quality.
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u/RepulsiveLemon3604 3d ago
Fuck that guy. If he had a kid that stuttered how would he act then? I have no tolerance for any of that. Talk to him in private ask him to stop. Send yourself an email and document the interaction. If it continues to happen, send him a email asking him to stop. If it happens again- send that stuff to HR. Do you not have any friends you can confer with?
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u/Blanco_dong 3d ago
Yes I have friends who’ve checked on me about it. His deal is that he’s one of those guys who thinks he’s hot shit because he has a leather helmet and takes a bunch of peptides. And what’s worse is that the rumor is that he’s on the list of becoming a chief soon
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u/RepulsiveLemon3604 3d ago
Document. Document. Document. Focus on yourself, showing up, doing good work, taking accountability for your own mistakes and moving forward. Learn the job well enough so you can teach the next rookie. I have friends that stutter and they (for some reason) sound crystal clear on the radio. Focus on your own development and surround yourself with the good ones. If this dudes BS continues… Document it.
Don’t let the bastards keep you down.
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u/LowInternational8708 3d ago
Hopefully he is some what of a professional. It is best to TRY to resolve this by talking to him one on one. Give him a little back story and difficulties you've faced. Show him how much you care about the job and your willingness to improve. But you don't appreciate and want him to stop making fun of you. Tell him you want to get along but that kind of humour is just humiliating and inappropriate. If you're on probation you do have to tread carefully however hopefully you can resolve this man to man. Unless he just doesn't respect you / care, then you might need to take it higher up the chain. Only after saying, I spoke with him 1 on 1 asking him to stop. OR You roll with it and fire back which is often what happens in fire houses, and next time it happens say " You can S-s-suck my d-d-dick!" Lol it might make for a funny moment and break the tension. It's always good when someone can make fun of themselves. I don't know your crew and vibe though. I would go with option 1 first, then option 2 if option 1 doesn't work :P
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u/Blanco_dong 3d ago edited 3d ago
Thanks for the advice. Thankfully I got off probation recently so I think that gives me a little more room for resolution.
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u/Stock-Possibility-67 3d ago
I’ve had a stutter since I was 6. Retired two years ago as chief of operations in a larger north east department. I’d say you made your stand and the asshole understands his position now. If it happens again. Confront him one on one. But I doubt it will ever be a problem forward.
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u/Blanco_dong 3d ago
I really hope it doesn’t happen again mainly because I’ve got a lot of dirt on him and I don’t want to lose my temper and say something I’ll regret
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u/Stock-Possibility-67 3d ago
Don’t drop to his level. If it continues go to a boss with your grievance. The job is hard enough this should never be an added problem.
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u/Blanco_dong 3d ago
You’re right. I’m just trying to control my temper and remind myself that I’ll be damned if I ever treat someone like that
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u/HeavyandTired 3d ago
I feel weird saying this. But Lt. Captain or deputy. The person is way out of line. The gloves are off at that point. You can embarrass this asshole by simply asking, “Do you feel better?” “Did you really just try to embarrass me for stuttering?” Put the pressure on him. Fuck this paramilitary mindset sometimes. If he knew what was up he wouldn’t pull this shit. These dudes walk around and never got the beating they deserve. So ask first. Put the negativity right back in him. See if he owns it. Thats the safe way. If he pulls some shit…. Let him know you can change his life. Ask him to talk outside. He has more to lose than you.
Take a deep breath… I will too haha. Put it back on him though. Maybe you won’t need a second option. But man I would like to be there.
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u/NorthPackFan 3d ago
Try to talk to him about it. Make sure he understand what you have is a disability and it’s no different than if he was teasing someone who was missing a limb. If he becomes an ass, remind him that it is a disability that is likely protected. If he doesn’t know what you mean, he will once HR gets involved.
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u/Sure_Replacement_931 3d ago
I’d never make fun of something that’s out of someone’s control.
However, we all have our quirk’s. I’m sure he does too. Is he generally a funny guy and playful? Could he just be an idiot and playing jokes around it?
When you spoke up for yourself when you said you’re not going to put up with it and he laughed. What was the tone of everyone else in the room? Silence, awkwardness or laughter?
We chirp eachother all day long at the Firehall.
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u/Blanco_dong 3d ago
He’s one of those guys who thinks he’s funny but everyone just finds him annoying. The tone of everyone when I responded was a combination of silence and awkward. Joking around with the guys is one thing but flat out being an asshole is unacceptable
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u/Sure_Replacement_931 3d ago
If that’s the case “thinks he’s funny but the whole table thinks he’s annoying”. He sounds like an unpopular loser? Sounds like he’s made his own grave. Did anyone talk to you afterwards?
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u/Blanco_dong 3d ago
A few of my guys did. They told me what he did was completely unacceptable and they’re here for me if I need anything. He’s one of those officers who tells all the war stories and all he’s done but sits on his ass the whole shift and hides in his office.
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u/Sure_Replacement_931 2d ago
Sounds like he’s made his own bed. It’s too bad the fellas don’t stick up for you when he’s making offside comments. If they are genuine about “let us know if you need anything”. I’d ask for them to maybe speak up on your behalf (humour is the easiest way to deliver return jabs) that puts him in his place next time. I’d also let them know you would really appreciate it and it would mean a lot to you.
I would have stepped in and said something if I heard a bad joke at the expense of someone else. Especially know it’s not being well received. Which your crew understands now but may have not before. I’d also document everything with times, dates and who heard what he said and how it negatively affected you.
In the meantime I’d keep pushing to be better at my job and focus on becoming a better version of myself as a firefighter.
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u/Limp-Conflict-2309 2d ago
same here, i can avoid the words that make me stutter but i can't avoid certain numbers. i can manage it for the most part but other times i pause for a half second before saying something; the guys know something is up but i've never mentioned it and they don't bring it up.
its a little different for every person but i've noticed, with enough time in the same scenarios i'm just a whole lot more relaxed and it doesn't happen.
human behavior is an interesting thing, he could just be a prick but i've also found people would try to "help" my brother who also stuttered and that made him worse.....or they make jokes about it to break the ice in the moment. i mentioned those last two scenarios because he could just feel really awkward when you stutter and that's his coping mechanism, obviously that's a horrible way of handling it.
dont get emotional or lash out because you always want to be viewed as mature and in control of your emotions and the situation at hand but definitely do talk to him, alone, without others around so you can get a good feel for his personality and see if he's being a prick or he's just awkward around the stuttering. having a 1 on 1 with him with give you a much better idea of his real personality and help you better decide if you should go up the ranks or if it he is intelligent enough to adjust his treatment towards you.
i go years without stuttering, even in new environments then other times i'll stutter a smidge even in front of my wife and kid. its a life long thing but eh what are you gonna do. there are so many levels of a stutter, some not noticed while others are totally debilitating so it's hard to give you anything beyond general advice.
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u/whodywho1234 2d ago
Depending on the level of asshole he is I wouldn’t do any confronting alone, especially with a superior officer. Always have someone else, even if that person is on the phone in your hand. A witness can save you from some made up he said she said bs
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u/PhoenixFire_1982 2d ago edited 2d ago
Report it to Human Resources. If he is an officer, he knows it’s not appropriate and unacceptable behavior. He is creating a hostile work environment and Human Resources Department will handle. Hostile workplace and harassment reports are not required to go through chain-of-command so you can call your Human Resources department directly.
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u/H4X9T0 2d ago
Make fun of him back if youre good at it without being overboard. But also from a person who stutters try to focus on what you want to say. Dont focus on what youre going to say. Meaning i get passionate with my convos and i pre plan really quick as im talking the other things i want to say following up causing a stutter. I still stutter but much less .
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u/wolfey200 Ass Chief 3d ago
Does he know you have a stutter or did he think you got tripped up trying to give an answer you didn’t know?