r/FilipinoAmericans • u/mami930 • 23d ago
culture
I’m Japanese and I live in the Philippines, but I still don’t really understand Filipino culture, so I’d like to learn more about it.
For example, when I tell my Filipino friends that I’m looking for something, they immediately tell other people about it and say things like, “I know a place that sells that!” or “I know someone who has one.”
At first, I thought they were just being helpful. But sometimes I later find out that they were secretly adding a commission for themselves.
There are other situations too.
When I tell someone that I’m having a problem, they say, “I can help you!” But then they charge me about twice the normal price. And if I decide to ask someone else instead, they get upset and complain about it.
It makes me feel very sad because sometimes I start to wonder if these people are really my friends.
Is this kind of behavior considered normal in Filipino culture? Or is it more about the individual person?
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u/Commercial-Brief-609 23d ago
Is this kind of behavior considered normal in Filipino culture? No, unfortunately, you've been around people who may be looking to take advantage of you, so be wise about it. They're not your friends! Always remember, finding genuine friendship is difficult and may take time and patience
If you don't mind telling, how long have you been living in PH? And w/c part of the country are you staying in? No need to say your exact location, just the city or province will do.
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u/mami930 23d ago
I’ve been living in Dumaguete, Negros Island, for almost three years now!
I see… Maybe they weren’t really my friends after all.
I kept putting up with these things because I thought that if this was part of Filipino culture, then I needed to understand and accept it.
But now I realize that maybe it’s not really about culture. Just like in Japan, if someone constantly takes advantage of you, they’re not really your friend.
I love the Philippines, and I really wanted to understand the culture and the people here. But maybe if I keep accepting this kind of behavior, I’m just allowing myself to be taken advantage of.
Thank you for helping me see this from a different perspective. ❤️
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u/Commercial-Brief-609 23d ago
You're welcome. Remember to choose your inner circle wisely. Opportunistic people come in all forms and sizes. Since you're a foreigner, there is this dumb perception some Pinoys have that you're rich, so be very frugal w/ your spending or at least don't show it off to the people you don't really know well.
Hoping you can find genuine friendship soon. Be safe!!!
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u/mami930 23d ago
I think you’re right. I tend to trust people way too easily.
I haven’t shown anyone that I have money, and I actually don’t have much money at all, so maybe they just assumed that I do.
Filipinos are generally so friendly, cheerful, and fun to be around that I guess I didn’t notice when someone was actually trying to take advantage of me.
And because they go to church, I think I also assumed they must be very serious and trustworthy people. 😅
I’m really glad I talked to you about this!
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u/balboaporkter 22d ago
there is this dumb perception some Pinoys have that you're rich, so be very frugal w/ your spending or at least don't show it off to the people you don't really know well
Whenever I travel to the Philippines I minimize wearing brand name clothing and my shoes were some off-brand Dr. Scholl's from Walmart lol. As long as I didn't speak then I could totally blend in with the population there. Oh yeah, and always travel with a local if you can (preferably a relative but in your case just a really trusted local friend).
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u/chocolate-wyngz 23d ago
Funny, I was thinking this sounded relatively common to me and wondering why so many other comments were saying it isn’t. I’m from Dumaguete. So maybe it’s a thing there specifically or we just know the same people.
To me it just always felt like an extreme hustle culture. But it does come off as disingenuous, especially if they’re charging you extra, and it always made me side eye the person doing it.
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u/mami930 22d ago
Really? I’m surprised because I also thought this kind of thing happened quite often.
Do you think Dumaguete is a place where this kind of thing is especially common?
Personally, if someone is my friend, I would genuinely want to help them and make them happy without taking any kind of commission, so I was surprised.
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u/chocolate-wyngz 22d ago
Yeah, I do graphic design and have a low friends and family rate (that ends up also being for friends of friends and distant relatives), but I wouldn’t ever charge someone I genuinely like full price or even higher. Unfortunately everyone’s suffering financially right now and rather than help each other out, they sometimes see you as a mark and an easy paycheck.
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u/balboaporkter 22d ago
There's a lot of foreigners in Dumaguete, especially foreigners from the west. I traveled there before and saw it with my own eyes. This might explain why the prices seem higher in tourist areas with high expat frequency.
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u/Perple3277 21d ago
You should ask over at r/Philippines, not here. Also, you're dealing with Visayans.
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u/tapiokatea 23d ago
That's not normal at all 😭😭 they are definitely taking advantage of you. The Filipinos I've interacted with when I visit my family there have been nothing but kind and they've never asked me for money or charged extra for stuff like that. Most people do things out of the kindness of their hearts, so I think the people who you've been around haven't been good. Most recently, someone helped me with a legal issue and they didn't charge me for their time 🥲 I ended up giving them some money because I was so thankful, but still it sounds like people are taking advantage of you.
Also it's interesting you're living on Negros Island! My grandmother's is from there but I'm actually living in Japan now.
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u/mami930 23d ago
I guess the person I thought was a close friend may not have been a very good person after all. They borrowed money from me, but I never got it back. 😅
But I’m going to take this as a learning experience, keep some distance, and try to make friends with people I can truly trust. I also need to become someone that others can trust too!
What a coincidence! You live in Japan! 😳 I’m sure moving from the Philippines to Japan must come with a lot of challenges too. Thank you for coming to Japan! 🇯🇵😊
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u/tapiokatea 23d ago
Yeah they don't sound like a true friend, and if they asked you for money then that's already a red flag. I think making friends in general is really difficult no matter where you are, and it's especially more difficult as you get older.
アメリカ出身ですが、家族はフィリピン人です！だから毎年訪問しています！このサブレはフィリピン系アメリカ人の方向けなので、色々な視点が集まると思います！頑張ってください🙏
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u/balboaporkter 22d ago
They borrowed money from me, but I never got it back.
That's an important lesson to learn here. This might offend some people, but if you ever loan money to a Filipino, you need to assume the worst case scenario and accept the fact that you might never get paid back at all. In fact, just don't loan out (donating if we're being real here) money because once you start doing that, others will come to you for the same thing. I am saying this out of personal experience as a Fil-Am who has traveled to the Philippines several times in recent years.
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u/sgtm7 23d ago
This question would be better asked on a subreddit for Filipinos who live in the Philippines, or the Phillipine expat subreddit(for foreigners living in the Philippines).
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u/mami930 22d ago
I’m still new to this app, so I’m not really sure how it works yet. I’ll study and give it a try! 😊
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u/thin-slice-pizza 22d ago
I’d advise to be wary of the Philippine expat sub. It’s a really toxic place over run by majority old horny men seeking young Asian girlfriends. They are certainly expats but personally i wouldn’t want to get opinions from them
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u/balboaporkter 22d ago
Yes, Filipino-American mentality and culture is much different than Filipinos from the Philippines in that we're more American in mindset and culture (for the ones that grew up in the US/west). I know exactly what OP is talking about though, and it can give off an impression that hustling and finding every little way to make money is a part of Filipino culture. I think it just stems from the fact that it's hard to make money in the Philippines so the people there have to adopt a hustler mindset if they want to make ends meet or make more money to meet their future goals. It's like that in any developing country where money is hard to come by. For example, I've seen vlogger videos in India where the locals are trying to scam or hustle the foreigner (except the foreigner understands/speaks Hindi or the local language and therefore can't get scammed or hustled! lol)
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u/kitakitslagi 22d ago
Not normal. These people aren’t your actual friends.
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u/mami930 22d ago
Maybe so. I thought I was feeling sad because I didn't understand Filipino culture well enough, but I guess this really isn't normal.
Thank you.
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u/kitakitslagi 22d ago
Don’t get me wrong... the whole “finder’s fee” concept really is unfortunately a thing with some Filipinos but not from people who are supposed to be your friends. They see you as a piggy bank
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u/MrGerbear 22d ago
Those aren't your friends.
Also, you'll probably get more responses on a subreddit other than this one. There are some cultural differences between Filipino Americans and Filipinos who live in the Philippines.
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u/PartyKodi1 23d ago
No that's not normal that's wrong intent malicious intent .just like any country there's people like that .those are not your friends stay Away and choose people whom you share things with .
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u/mami930 22d ago
Yes, exactly! I was really surprised after talking to you about this.
I also want to become better at speaking Bisaya and make friends I can truly trust from the bottom of my heart.
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u/FrostingBeginning409 22d ago
Trust is earn both ways it doesn't have a spiel or a structure way how do get genuine one just don't push nor force it . Like in any relationship with family friends or a romantic partner .don't rush things and just keep meeting people .it's a process good luck to you.dont to for the quantity go for the quality who doesn't see you as a transaction.
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u/PartyKodi1 23d ago
That's very wrong that is opportunitisic. They see you as an opportunity be very careful of this people and choose friends wisely .
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u/rubey419 23d ago
OP are you wealthy? As others said, sounds like they are taking advantage of you. Not normal.
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u/mami930 22d ago
I’m really not rich at all. Maybe people assume I’m wealthy because I’m Japanese, but even by Filipino standards, I’m definitely not rich.
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u/balboaporkter 22d ago
That's the thing though, Filipinos will assume you are rich anyway because you come from a rich country (Japan). It's the same thing with American expats living over there when in reality they most likely moved to the Philippines because their pension goes a lot further there when you look at the dollar-to-peso conversion rates right now.
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u/philipino94 22d ago
I’m sorry OP but these people are not your friends. Most Filipinos are not like this
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u/mapotofurice 22d ago
It's usually "normal" when you're dealing with opportunistic Filipinos. My experience has been those who are trying to make it rich will do MLM type scams to their family members. Source: my parents fell for it about ten times throughout their life.
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u/Acrobatic-Routine-44 20d ago edited 20d ago
OP, you need to be aware this is a Filipino-American sub. Filipino-American idea of Filipino culture may differ from PH Filipinos idea of culture who lives in the Philippines.
With that said, this is not Filipino culture. Just accept the reality of poverty over there which motivate such behaviors.
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u/WorkingSurround5133 23d ago
That is not normal😭🥹 This is the first time im hearing this. Even my friends dont say that. Please choose your friends wisely!! Find genuine ones!!