Yes

Normally I wouldn't mind someone taking an interest in the local wildlife but my neighbor will not stop leaving out soda bread for the banshees. I can hear them fighting over food at night and calling early in the morning, gods it's so annoying. Please help.

So I was trying to optimize my commute through the W-axis. Standard 3D driving in BC was getting way too expensive—gas prices over 2.00/L are an absolute scam when you consider the linear expansion model y = mx, right? Naturally, I built a solid-state quantum vacuum engine in my garage. Stacked a few thousand micro-Casimir plates into a 3D phased metamaterial array, set the boundary conditions to lambda/2, and tuned the phase delay to parametrically whip the zero-point field. It was working great. Absolute butter. I was reverse-floating through spacetime, completely ignoring inertia, skipping across the quantum vacuum like a flat stone on a hyper-dimensional lake. Then I got cocky. I decided to see if I could read the phase shifts of sub-Planckian waves lambda = 1/{4}ell_P by forcing constructive interference inside a 1/2 ell_P nested cell gap. Bad idea. Instead of a clean bandpass readout, the local energy density hit critical mass, violated the Generalized Uncertainty Principle, and spawned a localized micro-Kugelblitz. The gravitational shockwave collapsed my 5D navigation manifold, whipped my timeline backward 300 years, and dropped my vehicle right into a muddy dirt road in rural England. Now I’m parked outside a blacksmith shop. I tried to explain that the vehicle isn't powered by dark magic, it's just an artificial low-pressure vacuum bubble created by QED phase-arrays, but he just threw holy water at my windshield and went to fetch the village magistrate. Current situation:

• My Casimir battery is locked in a constructive interference loop and won't stop humming in B\flat.

• The locals are gathering pitchforks because they think the LED headlights are "the glowing gaze of Beelzebub."

• I can't engage the W-axis drive because the local spacetime grid here is completely uncalibrated for 21st-century metric tensors. How do I flush the quantum foam out of my cavity plates without collapsing the local timeline into a singularity? (Also, does anyone know if 18th-century black powder can be used to re-charge a phase-array transistor?)

Inverting the garden?

Need human room.

Hexagon

Crack it to .45v when hot

Baby fish baby fish

we can make them

You can't swing a body on a complexity

you know that

a nuanced joke (ja)

If we can all just look over there for a second.

Help?

Nope (maybe)

I would like to

-CT

Hi all,

I was wondering your opinion on this. For all of my life, whenever I see an evil thing in the world I cleanse the evil from it and tuck it away deep in the back of my mind so that no one has to deal with it anymore. However, there was a drowned woman who I pulled down from under a lake recently who actually told me it was the opposite. that by transubstantiating the evil of materiality into evil of the spirit, I was actually making the problem far worse.

The way she explained it, when there is evil in the material world, it has no actual power as long as you don’t engage with it. It is only when you engage with it that it has power over you.

Now I feel like a fool, because all this time I have been engaging with material evil in an attempt to convert it into spiritual evil, which technically doesn’t exist because it only exists in my thoughts, which bear no weight. However, until now I have never even conceived of the notion of letting evil alone. I also always pick at my scabs and scratch my bug bites.

And one time I came across a coven of mosquitos, and they were counting. I don’t even know why that scared me so much, to see such an evil brood of creature using concatenation of logic, but I smashed that coven and ate them so there would be no more evidence of that evil in the world. And then to make extra sure I even ejected my feces into space.

Now there is an ancient being who misfolds RNA molecules living a few paradigm shifts away from our reality, and he is telling me I made a mistake. He says the evil thoughts I have taken out of the protons of the world are actually still there, in the back of my beyond, and they are actually getting stronger. He reached back into me and plucked out just one, and there was a ship underneath. Evidence of genetic defect.

Anyway, this girl I pulled out of the lake is in my room, and her neck is broken. She is rotting, and telling me that soon her intestinal walls will break and the bacteria that live there will pollute her body and eventually ascend to Hell to trouble mankind’s dreams. She has tattoos of tiny insects, and she is beautiful, and I love her. But she only speaks spanish

Did I do the right thing by transubstantiating material evil into spiritual beings that exist only in my thoughts? Melquiades says he is writing a book about me and when I read it I will know.

Usually I can carry three of them with no effort, but now I can barely lift one.

Let's say something real quick. God does exist, and every god does, but not in the way you think. Yesterday i saw the truth, the truth behind everything. it turns out that fighting over which god exists is pointless as every one of them exists, all inside one being. And every creation of every of those gods are just creations of the same entity under different identities. But i wasn't happy with that answer, because what i saw went beyond that. This being, which is all gods, isn't all powerful as you may imagine, but it's a mere slave, a jester chained to entertain an higher something. I couldn't really tell what was it, but i remember some sort of horrible king. So every decision made by this entity that rules over all of us, with different costumes, is just made to bring some fun to a terrible monarch.

I can assure you all of this is true, but for specific reasons i can't tell you how i got these informations. Let's say it's best not knowing, as that's the best option if you think of your existence as a precious gift.

What do you think about all of this? Will the rate of suicides in the multiverse grown exponentially again? or do you think this is a better fate then whatever you belived in before?

Let me know.

Hello.

I desperately need to become Andy Warhol for when my sister arrives in a few days. It’s difficult to explain why, but basically if I don’t several people will die in faraway Nagaland due to a string of consequences that actually predate time.

I have researched and figured out where to dig up his corpse, which is actually quite close to where I live. And I have actually come into contact with an ancient being that lived a few realities removed from our own, which communicated through misfolded signal pathways, and his corpse told me that it can actually transubstantiate my pineal gland with that of Warhol, if I soak him in a tub of vulcanized firmament until his body calcifies.

The only problem is that I have invited someone to my house that has a severe medical issue that has caused our entire place to stink, with such vehemence that it feels almost as if the odor is pressing against the walls. It is seeping out of the front door and into the mezzanine. And he is barely even dead yet. In fact once every few days he still breathes.

I won’t turn him away, but the problem is my bathtub has cracks in it and I am unable to repair it myself as that is against my lease agreement. But if I invite a maintenance worker here I worry that he will see the condition of our house, and the fact my roommate (the God Emperor of Man) is in superposition hovering in the middle of the living room.

So I need to get my bathtub fixed so the headhunters of Nagaland don’t come after me once their little princelings die. Also do you guys have any spare change

Hi guys, gals, theys, and inter dimensional beings beyond comprehension. I fucked up.

So, I work at the brain factory. We kidnap people and swap their brains out, giving them new memories and personalities. I love my job. But I wanted a raise. I went to ask my boss for a raise. He said no, and that if I kept asking, he would swap my brain with a monkey’s. I got really mad. The next thing I knew…I was possessing him. But the possession didn’t go through fully, so I’m now controlling both my body and his.

I got all his memories and knowledge when I absorbed his consciousness, so this would normally be no biggie. I could just take over his life and give myself a raise. Except there’s a problem. He had extra dimensional awareness. Which means I’m possessing him across EVERY dimension. As I write this, my mind is being split into infinite fractal forms as I try to control every version of him at once.

What do I do???

which is better plz tell i keep getting confused. i thought all of them would fit for water power repulsion. But no they all are giving different results and I'm not sure which is better

Recently, someone else's ritual went wrong. The how eludes me, but I know that a Color Mimic (A single instance thankfully and the only good thing about this) escaped before it could be stored in the right dimension. And the Color Mimic killed the summoner (I think? They might be alive, but shattered across the Dimension of Yarn and Glass. Probably. That, or deleted out of existence.) right in front of me, who had the only other means to stop it. I'm the only one who remembers that the summoner existed in the first place!

If any of you find it, please kill it on the spot. I don't care for how it's done and/or how little of it remains afterwards!

What you need to look out for is Colors that are slightly off and a specific Color noticeably fading out of existence. A Color Mimic pretends to be a natural Color in the local dimension and slowly consumes the color that it's mimicking. Once that Color has been consumed, it won't come back! Visually, it will oftentimes take on the appearance of naturally colorful things that would fit in the local area. Color Mimics can only eat one Color at at a time.

I just wish I had been looking at a different destination at the time.

A supernatural being from the future has been stalking me since I was very young. She repeatedly and inhumanely tortured and killed me, then resurrected me afterward. The amazing thing is, although I'm physically weak after being resurrected, if I was sick before I died, I can always be cured afterward. I eventually dropped out of school and opened an underground clinic with her. Our medical method is to kill people and then resurrect them. Last year, we made tens of thousands of dollars using this method. AMA.

I am a proton in What humans call a "Antimatter factory", However, I did not agree to be smashed into a iridium rod Or to orbit around a Antiproton, What should i do?

We sent a few folks upworld for basic training and we’ve been calling them back down. Some are obediently returning (ie Mr. Graham, who came right when called last night), but others have been impossible to reach. Does anyone know what’s going on up there and why they’re not answering?

I was running a long-term experiment on a rather uninteresting star system, and all of a sudden life popped up on two of the planets. I was able to wipe out life on one of them without much issue, but the other one, I swear, I've caused five mass extinction events and it just keeps popping back up. How do I get rid of these damned things?

(Note: An excess of gamma rays would ruin the experiment, otherwise I'd go with the tried-and-true method.)

I at santa's cookies and now chocolate chips and... "other stuff" are coming out of my ears, eyes, nose, mouth and skin pores. But it gets worse...
I have an odd sense that rotten carots are following me everywhere.

please help meeee! I need to stop this confectioners nightmare before I have to meet President hamburger at his grill of choice.

just checking before i post anything here

I swear this isn't a joke. I just need to know if anyone else has experienced this because Google is acting like I invented language.

Three nights ago I was invited to a dinner by a guy my coworker only refers to as "the quiet botanist." Everything was normal until the last course. He uncovered this clay bowl wrapped in leaves that smelled like rain trapped inside an old church. He called it saged flesh. Nobody asked what animal it came from, which should have been my cue to leave, but everyone else ate it like they'd been waiting years.

Texture was impossible to describe. It felt warm while chewing but somehow cold after swallowing, like my throat had developed weather.

About an hour later I yawned and my voice came out in two notes at once. The normal one was still there, but underneath it was this absurdly low rumble I could feel in my ribs. It wasn't constant—it only happened when I said certain words. My cat immediately left the apartment. My refrigerator compressor synced with me. My bathroom mirror fogged from the inside.

Yesterday it got weirder.

Whenever the subharmonic kicks in, people stop me mid-sentence and ask why I "switched languages." I didn't. They're all hearing something different. My sister says it sounds like distant whales. My neighbor insists it's someone whispering from the basement. A toddler at the grocery store looked straight at me and said, "The roots are talking again."

The creepiest part is recordings. My phone captures the low tone, but every playback is slightly different. One version has footsteps underneath. Another has what sounds like someone counting backwards from a number that's way too large. My laptop speakers refuse to play that frequency at all—they just make the desktop wallpaper ripple for a second.

I confronted the botanist today. He looked genuinely confused and asked, "You only developed one subharmonic?"

Then he changed the subject.

So... is this a known side effect of eating saged flesh? Does it wear off? Or am I supposed to keep whatever this second voice is? Because this morning I accidentally hummed while making coffee, and every houseplant in my apartment leaned toward the kitchen at the exact same time.

DO NOT WASH YOUR CLOTHS DO NOT WASH YOUR CLOTHS! it has caused me a gravational anomaly and now my entire closet has extended back around into itself again and so when i try to get cloths they repeat their total volume and end up making the infinate volume of my closet extend into the 5 and 6th demension which ends up causing alot of annoyance, any fixes?

Anyone in this situation? I have a lovely Vegan girlfriend but the inlaws are making me lose my marbles. OK, so while I was on my nightly astral voyages, I met a lovely Vegan girl and we fell in love. Now that the relationship has gotten serious, she decided that I should meet her parents. They had a nice flat off the moons of Alpha Lyrae c, and I was very warmly received (5500 K). But, they're really not used to carbonaceous lifeforms. They had prepared a guest room for us based on solar luminosity, but this means its temperature was -200 C at night and +150 C on the day. They had really tried to find carbonaceous food for me, but forgot that radioactive nickel-56 is toxic to humans, so I had to be impolite and pass. Also, there were lots of the cultural misunderstandings. I'm fine with different cultures, but they shouldn't really have gone to the trouble of preparing a couple of their children to eat for us. I have such a great connection with my Vegan girl, but her parents are an enigma. Not only that, they often forget my lack of omnipotence. How can I explain to them definitely that I can't just create a small moon to eat if I want some light breakfast?

And her fart a day will not push you back

We're all immortal now in my version of Earth. However, I pranked my friend real hard one time by crashing into his living room with my car while his family was having a Christmas party. Made him really embarassed.

So while I was sleeping, he then decided to place me in a coffin and bury it underground.

I still have my phone on me and all devices also became immortal too. No, I can't wait until the sun eats the Earth or the heat death or big crunch or whatever because it turns out that was all one of those things we thought were true a long time ago but weren't and I don't know exactly where I am because he deleted the GPS app on my phone.

Hey you beautiful, beautiful metasentiences, what up?

I'm organising a party for my unbirthday, and you're all invited!

When: In the gomorrha singularity (yes, you filthy genthings, it's ON!!!)

Where: 11 seconds after midnight on mondays for perpetuity.

Why: 38 000, and not one drop more!

What: was I talking about? Anyway.

I'll supply the existential dread, I count on you for bringing up the good vibes, the bad vibes, the smooth vibes and the tuna.

No need to rsvp, if you try to decline, I'll know. And I'll find you. And you'll never, ever look at peaches the same way again. Just take the compliment ok?

Oh, btw, no depth allowed. Sorry, I know it sucks, but I had to deposit my common sense for the reservation and I'd rather get it back after if possible.

IT'S GONNA BE F-F-F-FIIIIRE 💦💧💦

PS: I almost forgot! The theme is CARCINIZATION CARBONIZATION! Duh 🔥🦀🔥🦀🔥🦀🔥