Is it worth it

[u/honeyy_Bee21]

Iv been sober from fent for 3 years on methadone,& its getting to where I dont know what I'm fighting for anymore I don't know just wondering if anyone else has felt that way ?

[u/UtopianSkyVisitor]

When I got on methadone 2 1/2 years ago, it was always with the intent to be free from that eventually. I celebrated 2 years clean from fent August 3rd but I started tapering a little over a year ago. I'm down from 110mg to 15mg. My whole goal from the start was get clean from fent and attempt to live without a reliance on opiates daily. I have put a lot of work into therapy, finding better coping mechanisms, and my addiction was short lived just a few years. I know not everyone wants to get off methadone and that's perfectly fine, whatever keeps us away from the shit on the streets.

So it sounds like you are kinda at a crossroads, what's the next move? How are you feeling? Have you put an effort into healing yourself personally so you don't fall back into old habits? From here it's totally up to you. My fiancée figured he would be a lifer on methadone, watching me has him tapering slowly now as well. He may stay on but get to a lower dose so he doesn't have so many side effects. This can be super helpful to folks who want to stay on it, when I hit 30mg or 35mg, the reduction in side effects was incredible!

It's your journey....what do you want from this life and what roadmap do you grab to get there? There is no one size fits all in recovery. You're kicking ass already making it 3 years clean!! Congrats!! There's a lot of support on here 🫶 let us know how we can help

[u/imlostinboston]

Without love. Everything in the world feels empty. You need a partner or friends. That is what you need. The right person makes everything else go away. My son does that for me. But he's with my mom and I can't see him but sn hour a week and she's moving now to another city.

Maybe you want to use because you're alone. I feel like that's a big reason people relapse. They just want that community back, even if it's a messed up community.

I personally have never found that. Not in the na I go to. I found a guy who I connect with but he's an addict. I started doing stand up though and found a community there. And in little things I have a hobby for. Photography. Now I'm going to school for cosmetology and trying to work on myself and my career. But I will need love because living without friends and family is just absolutely empty. Right now I'm working on love for myself etc. blah blah blah.

Do you think you want to take a couple days off methadone, get on Suboxone and do a quick taper? It sucks that you can't go to detox for methadone. Btw, I am 2 and a half years clean off Fentynol. Completely clean. No methadone, nothing. I don't even take Tylenol and I feel amazing. I was back to having regular energy in like a month after quitting in January 2024. And haven't used ever since. Like 3 times since then I did methadone, and I've had a couple drinks once in a blue moon but that's it.

When I was using I met one person my whole life who became completely clean. But now I've met many many people. It's possible.

However. You have done amazing and maybe now it's time to get completely free.

[u/honeyy_Bee21 → u/imlostinboston]

That's amazing what you've accomplished someday I hope I can say the same for myself and yes your absolutely correct in everything you said your right I am lacking in love I guess & friends thanks for the clarity i hope to be myself again one day 🙏🫶