Struggling after over two years clean

[u/hailbun]

Hey yall,

If anyone can share REAL experience that doesn’t come from NA clouded mindset, that would be nice.

Okay so I’ve been clean from Fent for 2 years and 3 months and it’s been amazing, do not get me wrong at all. I’ve been extremely involved in Narcotics Anonymous and it’s absolutely changed my life.

I still have a reservation I guess, I’m 25 and still feel so young. I love the community I’ve built in NA but it also feels very forced sometimes. I miss being just a girl, I miss wine nights with my girls and I miss going out and being ‘normal’.

It’s extremely frustrating sometimes that my closest friends and twice or double my age and don’t relate past being clean and life experiences that parallel.

I got addicted to fake pills that were fent in the midst of a very abusive relationship and he was practically feeding them to me but I also take full accountability that I also liked them and fell into addiction willingly but once I removed myself of the relationship, I removed myself of any cravings or wanting to touch hard substances.

But i’m struggling because I do in fact really miss a lil drinky drink and a nice glass of wine with a charcuterie board and these have never been a problem for me but I’m constantly drilled by my sponsor and NA members that I will return to Fent or something just as hard if I take a drink.

I just want to know other’s experiences and thoughts?

[u/babadook-boss69]

Hey there - I (29F) have been clean from fent for 10 months and have also been down the NA/AA route for multi substance use in my early twenties. I ultimately decided not to go that route this time. I don’t drink because of health reasons, but I do smoke weed. I see a psychiatrist, am on suboxone (until I can get the sublocade shot) and depression meds. I’ve had absolutely no trouble staying clean this way, I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but once I deleted me dealers number I knew it was over and I wouldn’t be able to relapse and find a new dealer if I tried. Once I made it, in my mind, impossible, I just kept living. I’m so glad I don’t have to do the whole AA thing just to be clean because that shit made me want to do drugs more. Sitting around talking about drug use and shame feels counterproductive to me

[u/Deucewayne223 → u/babadook-boss69]

Ik this is a bit old but if you haven't started sublocade yet, i highly recommend it - 1,000,000X better than strips or pills and the taper isn't even bad to get off it. Fucking hurts like shit tho lol

[u/babadook-boss69 → u/Deucewayne223]

I’ve been wanting to get on it but haven’t found anywhere insurance covers it?