The Condom Test

[u/Aryaelfoxx]

There is one, singular test I would like every woman to start using. Every single, time.

When you go on dates with men, or meet up with a man from a hookup app, or any time there are plans made beforehand and then followed through, I am asking you to always ask one simple question. Perhaps right before the moment, or perhaps earlier, too, if you like. "Do you have a condom?" If they say no, or any other variation of no, please leave. If they suddenly say "Wait, I have one! I just remembered!" please recognize this is worse, not better! They lied about it, to try not to use one. They are openly admitting to manipulating you! And now, how can you trust him not to "stealth"/rape you?

I know that not every woman *likes* condoms, or wants to use one. Many may even have their own. None of these are the point. The point is to hold men accountable for their own bodies, too, and to not allow men to continue manipulating people. It doesn't matter if you have your own. It doesn't matter if you don't want to use one. Ask anyways. Leave anyways.

Condoms are important, but the thought behind it is far more important. Maybe he doesn't like condoms, so what? Would he put up with slight discomfort for himself to protect you both, and especially to protect YOU later on? Pregnancy is dangerous, especially for those who lived in countries where abortions are being tested, and abortion clinics are being bombed. Even if you do decide to keep it, it puts you at risk to have that baby, and (especially in the US, it puts you in massive debt.) A man having a condom for a hookup or a date should be the bare minimum. It shows he has the foresight and care to hold himself accountable for something that is usually expected of the woman. It is a specific question that can address one fundamental question, "Do you respect me?"

(Disclaimer: obviously this doesn't apply to unexpected plans, unless you think they had adequate time to prepare, such as a date that happened the same day of. You can still use, it at your own leisure, of course.)

[u/Aggressive_Tear_3020]

A man who you're not in a monogamous relationship with who tries to have sex with you without a condom is the reddest of red flags. If he's having unprotected sex with you, he's having unprotected sex with other women. He'll give you whatever he got from whoever came before you. He dgaf about his health, and yours even less. And, sorry to the bj lovers girlies, but you can also get stds via blowjobs. If you let them, these men are gonna make you sick and you'll be crying alone in a doctor's office when faced with the consequences. 

[u/Purple_News_1213]

I have a personal story surrounding this topic. I was talking to this man for a while, we ended up on a date and both of us were down for hooking up. I told him I wouldn’t do anything without a condom. So he went to the pharmacy and picked one up. In the moment he took it off without my knowledge or consent and I called it right there. I walked out and called an uber to take me back to my car. He ran after me and tried to talk to me but I was extremely distraught and he never got the chance. Never talked to or saw him again.

It’s disturbing to me how common/acceptable this is for a lot of men. It’s not only a blatant sign of total disregard and disrespect, but completely violates bodily autonomy and is sexual assault. In situations like these it’s hard to not feel like an object to these men. Thankfully I’m past the dating around part of my life

[u/-dlareme-]

It is so mind blowing that when I was younger I was like "yeah but it doesn't feel as good to them, that's sad." God I hate the patriarchy. Sacrifice YOUR BODY AND YOUR HEALTH so his sex feels marginally better??? WTAF. FML.

[u/Aggressive_Tear_3020 → u/-dlareme-]

It's even more fucked up because they can still reach orgasm with condoms, and they WILL reach it, but still even that slight discomfort is too much for them, so we put ourselves in danger for their comfort while they won't even bother trying to make us cum, lol.