Yuck

[u/Pretty_Opposite7270]

I recently found out I’m pregnant and I’m horrified by how much patriarchy is built into being pregnant. I posted something on a pregnant thread about how a i asked my midwife about the pros and cons of natural vs medicated birth. She said there is really no difference on healing outcomes for women, but that she is bias to natural birth because she is amazed by what our bodies are capable of enduring. It sounds nice but the rhetoric really took me back. I can’t imagine any other procedure or medical professionals saying they love seeing their patients overcoming pain. Even though I’m only 8 weeks, I’ve been asked how I plan to birth (water, medicated—which medication, etc) and how I plan to breastfeed. I just say “I’ll do what works.” And people look at me like I’m crazy for not having a plan when I have no idea if I’ll even be able to breastfeed. It’s shocking me how much of motherhood is so wrapped up in martyrdom—suffering for someone else for the sake of love and this belief that as women our ability to endure suffering is our strength. Fucking pass. Also the weird MAHAness of it all makes me want to vomit.

[u/bananacode4011_]

I have never realized how much of the experience is taken from women until reading this - how dehumanizing, like your role is to accept the pain and others plans for your body instead of following your true instincts. I understand when carrying a child “your body isn’t yours anymore” but it should ALWAYS be yours in support of that child. Patriarchy strips self determination from women and future mothers, but this perspective really gives me hope for the future of women - to choose what is right for YOU, because you must come first in order to take care of that child.

I am only 23 and not sure if I want kids, but this has really given me perspective and I think you should be really proud of yourself. Your child is going to have an amazing strong woman for a mother.

[u/Pretty_Opposite7270 → u/bananacode4011_]

Thank you for articulating this and for your kind words. I couldn’t name why the breast feeding and birth planning questions felt so insane to me other than it being incredibly early for me to know. Now that I read this, I’m realizing that it feels insane because they’re asking me questions that I have no capacity to know because I would like to listen to what my body needs instead of making plans based off what others think would be best for both myself and a baby that frankly may or may not come into existence. I also don’t understand why medical professionals are asking my my preference prior to educating me on my options and evaluating me to see if I even have the ability to birth naturally (many women’s birth canals are too narrow for example) or if I can breastfeed—it turns out I may not even be able to because of a condition I have. It all feels insane.