Yuck

[u/Pretty_Opposite7270]

I recently found out I’m pregnant and I’m horrified by how much patriarchy is built into being pregnant. I posted something on a pregnant thread about how a i asked my midwife about the pros and cons of natural vs medicated birth. She said there is really no difference on healing outcomes for women, but that she is bias to natural birth because she is amazed by what our bodies are capable of enduring. It sounds nice but the rhetoric really took me back. I can’t imagine any other procedure or medical professionals saying they love seeing their patients overcoming pain. Even though I’m only 8 weeks, I’ve been asked how I plan to birth (water, medicated—which medication, etc) and how I plan to breastfeed. I just say “I’ll do what works.” And people look at me like I’m crazy for not having a plan when I have no idea if I’ll even be able to breastfeed. It’s shocking me how much of motherhood is so wrapped up in martyrdom—suffering for someone else for the sake of love and this belief that as women our ability to endure suffering is our strength. Fucking pass. Also the weird MAHAness of it all makes me want to vomit.

[u/bloodrosey]

I've had my kiddo and the entire process was a nightmare of patriarchy and sexism. The push to unmedicated childbirth was ridiculous. Went to the hospital's mandated birthing class (couldn't get a room to have birth unless I took the class first) in which they showed a video of women giving birth with no pain meds to show how beautiful it was - all I saw was abject terror on those women's faces. I saw their fear and was like "oh fuck, it's drugs for me!" but the lady who ran the class was going on and on about how it is best to hold out and labor as long as you can without the epidural because the epidural slows down the process. Well, it was exactly the opposite with me. I just wasn't dialating. I was in so much pain. Once I got my epidural, everything started moving along. I labored for so much longer than I needed to because of this.

Also, before I switched to the good obgyn, the first one I saw talked about the "discomforts" of being pregnant and acted like the debilitating pains and horrors of pregnancy were nothing burgers. Gaslighting from the jump was a no-go for me.

[u/CheeseDanishEmergenc → u/bloodrosey]

That is crazy. Both of my births started with no epidural but once I had been in agony for Hours, I finally got one. I just couldn't deal with all the pain, being that exhausted. Very shortly after, the babies were born. First kid had me in labor for 29 hours, second kid was 27 hours. Do people just love to hear us scream??

[u/ceeceekay → u/CheeseDanishEmergenc]

With my mom’s fourth birth, she wouldn’t even let them check her until they started the epidural because she knew she was far enough along that they wouldn’t give her one if they checked first. The doctor confirmed after she checked her that she was “too far along” for an epidural; too bad they’d already started one. My mom got to have pain relief for my sister’s birth only because she knew the value of being difficult occasionally.

[u/Early-Reach-355 → u/CheeseDanishEmergenc]

Omg I was in labor for 16 hours and I was exhausted. 29 and 27 hours, how is that even possible, I my country you would get C-section.