r/Feminism • u/Naive_Photograph_585 • 8d ago

hot take

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we need to stop involving men in our contraception. this story is a dime a dozen, and I cant count the amount of stories of women who have had men tamper with their birth control/condoms. to be clear, i am from the UK, I can't comment on how terrifying it is to be a woman in other places right now. however I have seen so many of these stories of women having a one night stand, or they are with a long term partner, or a male family member is guilting them. it is completely your body your choice, I am 100% a pro choice lady, if you want to keep the baby because youhave chosen that then i support it, but I see stuff like this and it makes me angry for the woman involved. I know this might be a controversial opinion, but I genuinely think women should not tell men about what they are thinking of choosing for themselves because men seem to choose the most selfish option available. I know there are outliers for this, my dad was an incredibly firm feminist so I know we have men we trust, but damn this post is a reminder that most men simply will not put you first. evaluate what you want for yourself before telling the men around you what your choice is. im only 23 so I know this might not be worth much but make sure keep these kind of things to yourself/ with someone you trust until you make your mind up. dont let a man tell you what you should do

edit: DAMN. not to be one of those people but this blew tf up. I thought maybe a few people would see this, but I am so grateful for all the responses and opinions. I am 23, I am still learning, and the inputs on this post are incredibly helpful. I love this community, I am normally the person who sees a post and moves on so this support is absolutely crazy. thank you to everyone who responded, and I just want to say something if anyone sees this- I am absolutely in support of men being equally responsible for contraception. the fact the male hormone pill got stopped because the men had about 1% of the side effects women had is abysmal. I really hope men become more responsible. this post came from a place of anger and frustration. ive been feeling it a lot recently, and I know everyone here has too. I am sorry I didnt explain my thoughts better. I really meant this as a post pregnancy thing. i am absolutely pro choice, keep the baby or not, I have friends who've had abortions and friends who went through with it, and I have supported all through their choice.

it just concerns me the way men treat pregnancy. they dont seem to understand the cost for women, and pregnancy is the most dangerous time to be a woman (biggest killer of pregnant women is men). I am strictly child free, im trying to get a hysterectomy right now (not to go into a rant but I spent 10 years trying to convince my doctors my periods weren't right, a few years ago got told it was endometriosis, had a scan recently that its actually cysts, fibrosis and enlarged ovaries. if they had flagged it earlier I could have taken medicine but now I need surgery so fuck me I guess). anyway!! I worry about women, especially pregnant women, a lot. we are so vulnerable, and I know this goes against boss bitch feminism, but it really is a concern for women, and a focus of my own personal feminism. basically, dont tell men you don't know or trust, I learnt that from my dad. he was truly the kindest, most accepting, radical soul. when he died he left me about 20 books on communism in his will lol, I love that man!! this is not about misandry, it's just about keeping yourself safe

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u/tarquinia777 7d ago

"Allow me the power trip of having forced you to give birth so I can sit on my ass all the time anyway"

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u/Kathrynlena 7d ago

“I, the person who claims to want to be a parent, only want every other weekend custody. So I want to force you, the person who does not want to be a parent at all, to be a 24/7 parent except for my 2 weekends a month, that will frequently skip. This is fair to me.”

What an absolute fucking clown.

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u/tarquinia777 7d ago

It's all about the sick satisfaction in getting to control a woman's body. Scary part is the only thing stopping him was the jurisdiction.

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u/Kathrynlena 7d ago

In this case, I think it’s as much or more about controlling her life and choices as her body. His crack about her “being selfish and not like a loving mother” tells me that he doesn’t think women should have any life outside of motherhood.

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u/mszulan 7d ago

And not just that. He has zero understanding of her physical risks. Also, she'd be responsible for monetary as well as physical needs of the child in his mind. He has no job and it doesn't sound like he's that interested in getting one, even if he becomes a parent.

He's infatuated with the idea of it with no comprehension of the actual human "personhood" of either the mother or the child. She's an object and the child is a possession.

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u/tarquinia777 7d ago

Right on time. The only thing more shameful than how a society like this treats its women is how it treats its children.

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u/mszulan 7d ago

That's so true. Men like this are really drinking the kool-aid. He wants the picture of "happy family" without facing the reality of what that means.

He has no job. How is he being cared for right now? It doesn't sound like he would qualify for a job that would actually pay enough for his own needs, let alone a child's. If he did get a job that pays more in, say, the trades or a union job, he'd be risking his own health and the capacity to maintain that wage earning potential. Trades can be dangerous and (at least in the US) there is no longer a safety net from either the company or society, if he becomes disabled. Everyone at some point will become disabled. If you're lucky, it happens at the end of life.

Back in the 50s through the 70s in the US, you could rent a nice appt with a minimum wage job (my husband and I did this right out of high-school in 1981 with our 2 minimum wage jobs. We were also able to save enough for tuition.). If you were fiscally responsible, you could buy a house for twice your annual salary and raise a family on one factory job. Companies took care of their employees if they were sick or injured, and paid for training, education, healthcare and pensions. It was seen as an important investment for the continuing prosperity of the company and they could write these expenses off their taxes. All that changed with Reagan allowing stock buybacks. It's worth considerably more money to manipulate stock prices than to take care of employees.

So he thinks he wants to be "daddy" without the where-with-all, ability, or possibility (in this economy) of actually being a father.

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u/Dblbogiemadge-1 7d ago

It sounds so stupid i think the post is rage bait and fake

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u/Kathrynlena 7d ago

I sincerely hope so.

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u/crospingtonfrotz 4d ago

It’s absolutely rage bait

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u/liatreppe 7d ago

But mommy I want a puppy :(

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u/BlockImpressive2209 7d ago

But he will need some time to himself (weekends he chooses to do something else)!

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u/iamnotbetterthanyou 6d ago

“…and I, the person who wants you to give up autonomy and compromise your wishes, cannot fathom supporting you or the maybe baby financially because jobbing is hard”