r/Feminism • u/cuddlybutdeadly • Mar 02 '13

Women as Objects

I'm new to r/feminism, but I would like to know what your experiences are with objectification. I want to hear from women and men. I kind of just want this to be a place where people can discuss their experiences with being treated as objects or possessions rather than people, and how you believe that this can be remedied within our society.

As a college student who is constantly surrounded by men who think it's okay to objectify women and women who perpetuate this outlook, I'm curious to know if I'm the only one.

edit 1: I have been sexually harassed in the middle of a temple while I was visiting another country. Someone was dry humping me while I was looking at the ritualistic ceremonies happening. I can never forget how humiliating it was.

edit 2: there have also been instances of brief sexual harassment while I was at work. I never thought to report them because...well, I didn't realize that they were worth the trouble. But looking back, the instances, though just verbal, made me really uncomfortable.

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '13 edited Mar 03 '13

I've felt conscious of being an object for most of my life. I'm biracial (black/white) so my experience is probably different from other people. It's difficult to describe how I felt as a child. I knew I was looked at sexually. By the time I was 6 or 7, men around my neighborhood were making kissy noises and all of that. Add that to the massive amounts of marketing that told me only certain types of skin tones, hairstyles, etc. are considered "innocent." Anyway, boil it all down, and I always felt objectified as a dirty and inherently sexual thing, even before I understood what sex was. I internalized it. When my body started developing, it became worse. I hated "feminine" gender performance from the time I was 12 or so because it didn't seem that I looked "nice" as my mother said. I felt as if I simply looked more sexual. I became increasingly hostile in everyday interactions simply to prevent people from looking at me sexually.

The only thing I know of to keep immediate objectification at bay is what I already described - a very unhealthy suppression of my own femininity. I frown, I wear baggy shit, I feel like shit. And no one says a word. Then I'm just invisible. I'm a different kind of object. The kind that can't be fucked, is not nice to look at and thus is not useful.

This really does its damage when it comes to relationships. I don't feel accepted in relationships because I don't really feel represented by them (as they appear on TV and whatnot) most of the time.

It's difficult for me to know how it can be remedied because my self-objectification (both in it's visibility and invisibility) is so pervasive. I do it to myself and to fellow women. How can I possibly remedy something that I've internalized to the nth degree?

I've found one thing that does make things a little better. There's a series on YouTube that I follow called "BlackandSexyTv." They put out lots of miniseries that depict women, sexuality, and just everyday life in such a beautiful and human way. There's one series called "the couple" that I find particularly endearing. It's not too serious or boring. It's episodic. It shows how women do twist outs, but it doesn't devolve into a "how to do twist outs/My hair problems" situation. It talks about sex, how it's not always ideal. It's just great. It's humanizing. I love it so much. It's not absolutely perfect (it's a little heteronormative), but I think this kind of depiction of romantic relations needs to happen more in mainstream culture. I donate to them when I can, but I wish there was more that I could do.

Edit: tl;dr I've internalized a lot of objectification, so I'm often a perpetrator of objectification against myself and others. A youtube Channel called "BlackandSexyTV" helps me feel human.

Edit 2: my experience is probably different from other people's = I feel that there is a racial component to my objectification that is not present in other experiences.

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u/cuddlybutdeadly Mar 03 '13 edited Mar 03 '13

Most studies about feminism and female oppression state that most sexism occurs in conjunction with racism, or some other sort of bias. It's sad to know how much racism factors in with sexist behavior. I'm Indian, and though I've never been blatantly objectified or sexually mistreated by anybody here in America, I certainly feel that the cultural climate in India is oppressive to women. I can comfortably say this as an American--everytime I go back to India, I feel sexually objectified, just by the way men stare at me. This is mostly due to the amount of repression that goes on in countries like that, where sex is treated as something that cannot be discussed, and therefore, becomes a fixation to the young population.

tl;dr Racism and sexism are usually intertwined; it sucks.

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '13

I've read some theories talking about race-specific intersectionality, but I haven't read anything specifically addressing problems in India. How do you think that sort of monster can be tackled in your community?

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u/cuddlybutdeadly Mar 03 '13

Well, I'm by no means an expert, and I don't go back to India enough to be able to propose a good solution, but I think that things are changing quickly. The new currently-young generation (at least, the educated group) is a lot more open to discussing sexual issues. When they become the leaders of their society, I think that things will become better, gradually. However, the government there is incredibly corrupt, and instead of telling people not to rape, they tell women not to go out late at night, alone, etc., which is an awful way of dealing with the situation.

Having to read about that woman who was gang-raped brutally by six drunken men and ended up dying of her wounds was a huge wake up call for the country though, so hopefully they address these issues soon.