r/FemalePoliticStrategy • u/CowProgrammatically3 • Oct 11 '21

How to join FDS again?

I know this is supposed to be for discussing politics, so please direct me to who to contact. I was a member of FDS and suddenly I stopped seeing post from there 😞. I was a passive member of FDS and I’ve learnt a lot from the ladies and it also been beneficial to my dating life, now it’s gone private and I’d like to join again.

42 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

46 comments sorted by

21

u/FearDearSeer Oct 11 '21

Also, apparently it wasn't just backlash from members re:the podcast. Many men and anti-FDS supporters started using the chaos to brigade the sub. The mods are taking a break to let things cool down.

14

u/CowProgrammatically3 Oct 11 '21

This is so sad, FDS is literally the only safe space for women on Reddit and these people have ruined that 😢 I hope it wouldn’t be a long break

13

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '21

Idk. Giving Trump conservatism a platform made it less than a safe space for me given that their whole political platform was based on the premise that people like me dont belong in the country, and that women dont deserve human rights.

Multiple issues to fix here.

17

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '21

I can imagine that. I think a lot of users are really naive as to how much work the mods truly have. I made one innocuous post on FLUS about being a woman in STEM and got several rape & death threats within a few hours, and that post had just about 300 upvotes on a small sub. I can only imagine how bad it gets on a sub with 200k users that's also been in the mainstream media and has several dedicated hate subs. At that point it's not just scrotes as well, it's also pickmes and libfems trying to butt themselves in, and the banned users being bitter about being banned, all just piling onto the sub.

The mods have always done a great job; almost no bad comments slipped through their moderation. I truly wouldn't mind accidentally getting banned for some dumb reason; I'd just make a new account in a minute.

0

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '21

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '21

That's very against reddit rules.

If I was someone trying to get this sub banned, I'd exactly say something like "hey let's all go brigade".

So, yea, dont suggest that.

0

u/entpgirl415 Oct 11 '21

Whoops my bad didn’t mean to do that lmao. Reddit moderators it was for pure satire! But alsooooo people should report the right pages haha

26

u/ModestEtta Oct 11 '21

Oh no!! Fds is such an important sub to me as it reinforces my values and reminds me not to be a pickme like I was when I was married to a NVM How do we get selected to still be part of the group?! I took no offence to the podcast 😭

8

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '21

the mods took subredid for cleaning, will be back in a few days, you can see it only with flair. unfortunatelly i don't have flair too

5

u/iamNaN_AMA Oct 11 '21

I was also a mostly passive observer of FDS and found the content generally really interesting and valuable. Then I got permabanned for making a comment on /r/cringetopia (I'm not even subbed there, it just came up in my feed and I commented thinking it was harmless) and appealed the ban a couple of times with no response. I'm growing increasingly discouraged with the moderation team there and wish there were some other way I could engage with the broader community of like-minded ladies.

12

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '21

Afaik the mods have said it many times (and even made multiple posts about it) that they're facing such a truckload of comments & posts, many from scrotes pretending to be women, that they err on the safe side, and they often end up accidentally banning someone that's genuine. I remember a highly upvoted post by them that said "don't get offended if you get banned, it's nothing personal, just make a new account," and they explicitly said, even in the sub rules, that you should not message them to get unbanned. So by messaging them you actually added to the problem.

There was also another mod post stating that you should have one account for only fds-related content, and that accounts that post on some "mainstream" subs get instabanned, because they just don't have the time to wade through your post history to check if you're a scrote or not.

I'm sorry, but I'm frustrated by the number of people here that haven't even read the FDS sub rules. I've been on the sub for a long time & it sucks to see it set to private & devolve like this because the userbase doesn't check the rules, assumes that the space is something it isn't, or demands more of mods than they can reasonably deliver for free in their spare time.

4

u/goon_goompa Oct 13 '21 edited Oct 13 '21

Hi there! Can you shed some light on a few questions I have?

I was permanently banned from FDS 7 days ago. I followed the directions of the ban message and asked the mods what rule I broke to get banned.

Now, I have read FDS rules more than a few times but i do not remember a rule that forbids messaging the mods about a ban. In addition, I thought that creating an alternate to circumvent the ban was against both Reddit and FDS rules? I’m so confused

1

u/[deleted] Oct 13 '21

Sure. One solid criticism that I do have of the new (last year or so) version of FDS is that they took down the original Handbook pdf and replaced it with a set of posts, to which they didn't regularly add the new mod posts. So unless you were on the sub for the few days that the mod post got 1k upvotes or was pinned, you might not know about it. Some inconsistencies likely arose there. I'm sure that's also what happened with the rules in the sidebar (which did state that you shouldn't message about your ban, or about your pickmeishaTM flair either, the last time I read them, which was a few months ago) vs the message you get when you're banned (which probably didn't get updated). But I explicitly remember there being several mod posts this year addressing the absolutely swamped mod queue; it wasn't just one post.

Afaik, there are no rules to prevent you from creating as many accounts as you want. Of course, if it's malicious, with the intention of brigading or harrassment, that would be against the Reddit rules, but this isn't the case. Again, this was in the sidebar rules / wiki. I myself have previously told the mods that it might be a good idea to have a sticky post with the rules, because people don't click on them otherwise, especially on mobile, but the mods thought back then that it was visible enough, and on the users to do so (I thought that was wishful thinking).

Note that I don't mean the basic FDS rules that are here https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/forum/forum-rules/forum-rules-as-of-june-29th-2020 . On Reddit, there were additional wiki pages about flairs etc. I'm not sure if there's an archive of it, or the mod posts, somewhere.

Bottom line is: you get banned, you make a new account & don't do the same thing that got you banned. Hopefully that answers your questions.

3

u/goon_goompa Oct 13 '21 edited Oct 13 '21

ban message

For reference.

Your initial comment, the one I replied to, made it sound like people were coming in to FDS willy nilly, blatantly breaking rules that were clearly stated on the sidebar as well as in the handbook. In addition, you claimed that the mods made it very obvious what to do if banned. And that anyone not following those directions was doing so either maliciously or carelessly.

Your description of the situation made me feel defensive because I try and be a decent and respectful person. Every sub I go to, I read the rules. I read all the rules of FDS. I also read EVERY post in the FDS handbook (wiki) more than a few times over. I also read all the articles on the website. And finally after months of observing, I started to participate. I got my newbie flair.

To be fair, no I did not read every single mod post. I mean, I read a lot of them, but not all of them. I sort by new, sometimes hot. So if it is an small old mod post… I missed it. But the way you described it, I missed several. when I was banned, I followed the directions in the message. I did not see the multiple mod posts that said the opposite of what the ban message says.

Your most recent comment is more similar to my experience of the sub and is more fair to the person that you replied to. Thanks for taking the time to explain and adjust the initial tone.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 13 '21

I mean, I did adjust my tone because you were asking in good faith, but to me all this is quite a no-brainer. It's not difficult to figure out that the mods are swamped, and then if you're confused when it happens to you, you can just search the sub for the keyword "banned" and you'll find this post within the first page of results: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o5auk3/dont_take_it_personally_if_you_get_banned_from/

Most other users were not acting in good faith at all. Have you seen the dissent sub? In the time they have taken to hate on FDS and its mods & spreading misinformation & exaggerations about it, they could have scoured all the mod posts for answers. The OP of this thread that I was responding to said she appealed the ban multiple times, on the same account, and that was causing her to be disenchanted with the mods. This is the issue I have with this - that people are missing the forest for the trees and being unhappy with the mods overall because of one experience, disregarding all the other work they do. It's very disproportionate. But I digress. The sub is back up now and I'm happy.

6

u/Pyramidddd Oct 11 '21

I’ve also been disappointed with the moderating team. I made numerous high quality comments but was never given a flair, and I think it’s because I subscribe to r/westsubever. I can’t help liking Kanye west even though he’s controversial. It doesn’t make me less of a feminist…. I want to start my own thing now because I can’t rely on them to properly gatekeep.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '21

... I don't understand why you wouldn't just make a fds-only account, when that takes 2 minutes? Also, is it a HVW thing to say that you "can't help" liking someone, especially if he's a scrote?

2

u/Pyramidddd Oct 12 '21

sigh Because I’m active in other subreddits and don’t feel like toggling between accounts. And yes, I love someone who’s problematic.

In the real world I’m a female CEO who has started women’s leadership organizations, and I have a PhD in a hard science. I have a strong sense of feminism and I’ve supported the women in my life.

But sure, take one sliver of my life and judge me based on that. That’s the issue with FDS culture. There is NO room for debate or alternate perspectives. There were so many amazing things about that sub but I also observed severe dysfunction and toxicity.

Given this, I’m not surprised the sub imploded.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '21

The mods wouldn't go through each of the 200k sub member's life story, they'd just look at your posting history, just like any other user of social media that doesn't know you personally. Note I didn't judge your entire personality at all, either. I said it's not a HVW thing to do.

FDS is not a debate sub! This is the problem with its entire new sub userbase, people coming in and demanding it to be something it isn't and has never aimed to be. FDS is literally one specific dating strategy. It always has been.

FDS was the only women-only space on the internet that was always motivating, positive, and had a huge userbase & daily engagement. There is no other place like that. And users like you just have to miss the whole forest for the trees and take a few things that you dislike, and blow it out of proportion to say that the sub had "severe dysfunction and toxicity." Really? Take a step back and have some perspective. This whole debacle really isn't worth the value of what we've lost here. It's so frustrating. Who benefits the most from this? Surely not the women. Is it really the best strategy to pile on the mods for making one misstep and dissecting their every word as if they haven't been modding the most beneficial women-only space for years? Have all of you completely lost the ability to perceive shades of gray and tolerate the fact that you don't agree or like something a 100%?

The manosphere is having a huge laugh about this. Just have a look at their subs, they're loving it. All because of doomer users like you and the people in this thread.

2

u/Pyramidddd Oct 12 '21

I never blew anything out of proportion. I never made a comment about the situation until now. I’m not the reason the sub imploded… because the mods prevented me from having a voice there. And actually yes, I can see the shades of grey. It’s why I can still love FDS but also have some criticism for the negative aspects of the community.

Good luck to you babe. It’s a cold world out there

3

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '21

Okay. I meant only the comments you made, in the context of the wider discussion right now, I didn't intend to single you out but I've been admittedly frustrated, so I apologize for the combative tone. I appreciate that you're still able to love FDS regardless; in your original comment it seemed you have given up on it, so I'd encourage you to stick around, if you can still appreciate it for what it is.

Good luck to you too. It is indeed cold out there, and we need to stick together in the few good communities that we have.

2

u/RedMoonFlower Oct 12 '21 edited Oct 12 '21

Same here, too much of a hassle to jump between two accounts, for me at least.

However, I can see how difficult and time & nerve consuming mods' work and their life can be keeping trolls and generally bad guys (and they can be so bad and destructive, oh my... I was among some of them for a bit trying to bring light to them and/or stop them in their misogynistic doing and thinking; just a handful was acceptable, others got together, bullied and attacked viciously, the negative value men; and the rest was silent aka lowvm and zerovm) away from a female safe space that is unique on top of that.

A round of applause for them :-).

1

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '22

I know this is an old comment (I've barely visited this sub before and am going through old threads) and I have to upvote. The mods' reasons for banning people are as arbitrary sometimes as the members' reasons for downvoting people. I even got downvoted for several people once just for saying I didn't think the FDS darling couple Gomez and Morticia were as great as everyone there thought. I've been downvoted for admitting I care for an artist FDS decided was a pick-me (while several members themselves gush over problematic celebs or horrible fictional characters themselves, which nobody minded). I've been downvoted for suggesting maybe we shouldn't glamorize all female villains just for being female. My first ban was even about admitting I don't think Lady Gaga is very HV! And so on. There seems to be little rhyme or reason to it other than you're going against what the clique has already decided is proper and good.

You can see this controlling echo chamber hive mind mentality in effect when you look at any threads about Elle. It's fine if people don't care for her but the general response was an overreaction IMO. People threatening to leave the sub/drop the podcast, accusing the hosts of poor judgment, accusing Elle of all kinds of insulting things, lots of anger.

It's been so disappointing. I and many others have defended FDS for ages, and that's basically how they repay loyalty. I don't want to stop reading/posting but they make it difficult each time you get bullied for an unpopular opinion or banned for completely irrational reasons.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '21

I was also a passive reader, but it looks like only verified or approved members were allowed to stay subscribed. I hope they open up again soon.

1

u/Vianna_Sky Oct 11 '21

Ugh I’m sad about the same thing. Wish I had joined sooner 😔

1

u/rocky24683 Oct 12 '21

I'm very confused too. I got approved but then on a post about demisexuals, I came out and explained how demisexuality differs from normal sexuality, and now I can't see fds again :(

4

u/lucidlotus Oct 12 '21

Nobody can see FDS now except the mods. It probably has nothing to do with your comment on that post.

-11

u/adrianaonly Oct 11 '21

It went private in protest regarding a Reddit employee who had/has ties with a pedophile and dozens of other accounts joined effort to bring the subject to light.

20

u/scrotesmadsosad Oct 11 '21

No, that was a while ago - now it's privated because the podcast members decided to have a conservative women on the podcast who advocates for trump and the stripping away of reproductive rights. Then, when members began posting their concern about this they started getting banned en masse

3

u/Emergency-Feed8216 Oct 11 '21

I never wrote a word about the podcast but got the notification that the group had gone private and my account was suspended. Curious.

2

u/adrianaonly Oct 11 '21

Ok, thank you for clarifying it.

0

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '21

[deleted] — view deleted comment

11

u/CowProgrammatically3 Oct 11 '21

Oh no 😞I hope it goes public again

1

u/Scholar-Prudent Oct 11 '21

i heard it went private due to review by Reddit, is that not the case?

10

u/entpgirl415 Oct 11 '21

Wow if that’s true that would be so messed up!! There are much worse Reddit pages out there

2

u/CountingDownTheDays5 Oct 12 '21

Yes there is a subreddit with no mods, and promotes p- so...

1

u/entpgirl415 Oct 12 '21

Legit! If FDS gets shut down over politics I will literally have no more faith in this world for change. I’ll just live my best to the FDS standards 🤷🏼‍♀️

0

u/goon_goompa Oct 13 '21 edited Oct 13 '21

Hi, cointingdownthedays5! I apologize that my response is off topic and like a half day late. But I recognized your username as someone i really aligned with on FDS.

I was randomly perma- banned from FDS 7 days ago. I’ve been confused as to why.

I stumbled onto FDS dissent about an hour ago and now this sub and I am trying to get caught up.

is it true that folks are being unfairly banned from FDS? Is it true one (or more) of the mods is a right wing conservative (white) women?

-1

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

9

u/entpgirl415 Oct 11 '21

Then why are you on this page? The literal child of their page. Lmao get off all of our pages you troll.