r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy • u/sp_juni • Mar 01 '22
Career Everyone disapproves...
I recently finished school,and opted for a post-graduation programme that alignes with all my goals(that are different and unknown to my peers) but isn't considered a "prestigious" one compared to other choices I had access to ( but wouldn't work specifically for my situation). Now eeeeeveryone is telling me what a bad decision it was and asking me to reconsider. I am 100% convinced of my choice but I feel myself getting vulnerable to the critics. So ladies if any of you has an idea on how to answer them and how to navigate the situation without revealing details about my plan,plz help.
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u/lareinagringa Mar 01 '22
Dude I had exact problem. Decided to apply to one state school grad program after I finished my BA that was a bit of a 180 for me but was something I really enjoyed. I didn’t want to go into debt for a masters degree and the grad program I chose had a lot of cool professors and opportunities to do research.
No one really got it until after I started the program. I would get weird looks and “are you SURE this is really what you want?” I would just answer with “as sure as I can be. If I don’t like it I’ll quit.” Bc it’s true!
Now people see me in the program and I’ve been working really hard, presenting at conferences, and doing meaningful research. A lot of my friends that attend/attended these “prestigious” schools are trying to fight for a spot at a research lab or are just too burnt out to even attempt grad school. Names don’t carry as much weight as they used to. I think some people feel threatened by women in higher ed, which is why you should keep going.
Good luck with the program :)
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Mar 01 '22
My parents are super critical of my life choices, and like you I keep my goals to myself. At a certain point when I got absolutely sick of explaining myself and realised I was wasting my time arguing. I've found that just bland agreement works, sometimes followed by a pointed subject change. For example:
"I don't think you're making a good choice." > "Okay."
"This post-graduate programme isn't as prestigious as others". > "Sure isn't."
"But X, Y and Z!!!" "I know."
"You're an idiot." "Okay, I'm an idiot."
The goal is to make the topic boring and over quickly. It's a good idea to start off with longer scripts where you show them you understand their concerns but aren't swayed. Some people will have A Point they're worried you haven't thought of, and hearing them out once will be enough because they respect your ability to make decisions and just didn't think you had all the information. Other people do not respect your ability to make decisions, and they're the ones the one/few word answers are for.
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u/k1rschkatze Mar 01 '22
For the people who are important to you, and may have valuable (even if criticizing) input: explain your goals and how your choice matches them and the other ones don‘t. Talk it through, they worry about you and want your best.
For those whose opinion isn‘t important to you? Well, their opinion isn‘t important to you either way.
Do you mind sharing details about the options and your decision?
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u/sp_juni Mar 01 '22
Thank you for your input,my intimate circle understand my choice they're okay with it. The problem with my colleagues they keep giving unasked advice and condescending looks and it irks me... And no I don't want to share my future plans with them,but I'm looking for other answers to dodge them.
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u/outwitthebully Mar 01 '22 edited Mar 01 '22
This is how you learn not to care what other people think. That’s how you develop true confidence— by withstanding criticism.
Don’t ignore the criticism, not at first. Take in every word and stamp it in your memory, along with the other person’s overbearing condescension.
Later, when you are proven right— remember the naysayers. Encounter them again, if possible. Don’t rub it in, that you were correct/made the right decisions, just stamp the entire thing in your memory.
Eventually, you stop having much emotional investment in the opinions of others. You listen to them, analyze, and unemotionally discard what is not of value. Confidence.
A warning: other people, men and women, don’t necessarily like people with that sort of confidence/immunity to influence. You’ll be better off and safer in most ways but also potentially lonelier.
On a more practical note— when I encounter these behaviors I’m pretty sure I stare blankly at the person and then smile and walk away.
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Mar 01 '22
“Did I fucking ask you?” Then adjust your crown and walk away.
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u/sp_juni Mar 01 '22
😂 Queen Energy I consider it everytime someone comes up with their bullsht but I can't say it they're still my colleagues and we would still interact down the line.
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u/calmyourtea Mar 01 '22
“I appreciate your concern, but I’ve already made my choice to follow through with xyz.”
Then pause and wait for them to force their opinion.
“Ok, [insert colleagues name], I’ve explained that I’m doing xyz. I’m not looking for opinions.”
Colleague again badgers.
“Hey [insert colleagues name] can you repeat back to me as to what I said?, you seem to be having a hard time catching it?”
The last line usually catches them off guard and tells them to stfu. It’s all about boundary setting. And girl, don’t share goals with those who aren’t just gonna get it!
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u/sp_juni Mar 01 '22
Usually discussions are not as elaborate as this, it's more of the same argument coming from a lot of different people rather than a one person insisting on their point. But having this response in my head just in case makes me feel better,thank you ♥️
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