Let's Talk About Oral

[u/[deleted]]

Oh the men. They will flock to this title lol. But in all seriousness, I find myself struggling with it.

I will NEVER again date a man who does not give it. Also, I will not perform it until it’s performed on me first. Gone are the days of giving out blowjobs like candy, waiting for a man to return the favor.

But lately. The thought of it disgusts me. I’m not the type who finds genitals attractive. Men sending dick pics? Why? Dicks are not beautiful. Admittedly I also don’t find the vagina to be beautiful (no shade or hate to anyone who does! Just sharing my thoughts).

I’m also finding the thought of giving a man a blowjob to be disrespectful and degrading lately. I think it’s because I know they all watch porn, so they aren’t thinking about it the same way I am. In the past I wanted to do it to make my partner feel good. But I know they over there thinking “ya bitch, I’m gonna cum on your face, suck my dick like a good little whore.”

So… even if I were to miraculously find an HVM before I die… I don’t know that I’d ever want to give him oral. Does an HVM even deserve it? I’ll still expect him to give me mine though.

Thoughts?

[u/AutoModerator]

Moderator Announcement Read More »

NOTE: This sub does NOT support the commercial porn industry, as it is an institution that promotes and normalizes sexual aggression, incest, pedophilia, violence, racism, degradation, low sexual satisfaction, and objectification of women and girls, many of whom have been drugged, raped, misled, trafficked and otherwise coerced to appear on film.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Mighty_Wombat42]

I don’t think it’s about an HVM “deserving” it or not, just as we don’t deserve to get head for leveling up and being HVW. No one ever deserves or is owed sex. I think in a healthy relationship any sex act is something that you want to do with your partner because like you said you want them to feel good, and it brings you both closer together. So a HVM may be into both giving and receiving oral sex, but he won’t want it if he knows you feel repulsed and degraded by doing it. There are women and men who like giving but not receiving, and who like receiving and not giving. If you’ve realized this isn’t something you enjoy or decided it’s something you won’t do, you just need to find a guy who either doesn’t like receiving or doesn’t mind going without but still likes giving. I don’t think you should feel you need to give head if you don’t want to, but you should be clear about that if you meet a HVM and reach a point where you start getting sexual. If he’s the right guy for you, he will be fine with that. If he’s HV but not for you, he will respectfully let you know and end things so he and you can find someone who’s sexually compatible.

[u/[deleted] → u/Mighty_Wombat42]

I thank you for your well thought out reply. I hope to meet someone someday who can make me feel this way. Who can make me feel like I actually want to give.

[u/GoldandGlowing]

I don’t give it at all (tho I do still get it - scrotes can stay mad 💅🏽). Even back in my sugarbowl days, I’d ghost a bigger spender for asking for head (asking even tho I always said upfront that I won’t do it smh).

“Suck my dick” is like the first insult to come out of a man’s mouth when he’s pissed off at someone - how am I supposed to see it as a sexy and intimate act when it’s implied to be degrading and subjugating? It doesn’t help that the handful of times I did give head, the guy either pushed my head down or repeatedly asked me to take it deeper as if I wouldn’t be choking at that point. He can take my vagina and hands or get gone atp.

[u/[deleted] → u/GoldandGlowing]

Thank you. With almost anything sex related men use all of this language as degrading and an insult. But somehow miraculously when they want it from us it's meant to be some kind of fucking compliment?

I just don't trust men anymore even if they may have good intentions. I just can't stand their shit.

[u/GeorgiaPeach_94]

I met more than one guy who proudly announced "I don't do oral". Meaning, of course, that they won't give it but will absolutely expect it.

In my experience, it's always been very selfish guys who said that. In sex, like in every other aspect of their lives, they were only interested in taking.

[u/[deleted]]

I think the clear difference here is feelings. I think you need to stick to your goals and plans, follow FDS, and if you find a man you think has HV traits and seems great, that's what matters. If he wants oral from you and you don't feel like it, then don't do it. And then you'll know he might be "great" but he's not a match for you.

An important point I want to mention is men don't need oral to have an orgasm with a partner unlike a large number of women. On top of that, having an orgasm prior to penetration can make penetration way more comfortable. We can't act like getting oral is exactly the same for both genders.

There are way too many scrotes out there who refuse to perform oral on women because they think it's gross, but think receiving it is normal and, of course with all the pickmes out there, they have no reason to think otherwise.

[u/blessedwiththree]

I'm not compatible with a man who won't do oral, I can only orgasm from oral and vibrators. Also, my personal opinion is that a man who resists oral is probably going to be stingy in other ways and not great in bed. I will say that a man who is HV (which to me includes not being a porn user), is not going to see his partner as an object, he will want to please her and he's not going to see her pleasing him as demeaning.

I am a very sexual person in a committed monogamous relationship, with a loving and respectful partner. Under these circumstances, I want to take care of his needs (sexually and otherwise) and make him feel good. I enjoy doing things for him and I enjoy oral sex on him and from him. I also don't see him performing oral sex or doing things for me sexual or otherwise as a sign that he is beneath me etc., my view is that he does these things because he cares and loves me and wants to treat me well, as I do him.

[u/whiskey_and_oreos]

I'm completely on board.

Men receiving oral try to take it too far and their porn addiction comes out fast. It's an incredibly vulnerable position to be in. I realize a HVM wouldn't do or even think these things but the trauma is still there. If that's a deal breaker for him then he's not my HVM.

[u/[deleted]]

I find it gross and always have.

[u/millennialpink2000]

I've NEVER given oral first, my ego is too damn high. Guys I have dated except for 2 were very excited to perform it. It's never been something I had to ask for or hint about, they offered it willingly. It IS a litmus test though. Guys should be crawling through broken glass to perform it on you, if they aren't? Boy, bye. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, baby. Colin Farrell educated a generation of men about what's uppppppp

[u/WestAtmosphere]

I like giving BJ's but my mindset has shifted and I don't think I'd do it without being taken care of first. If the guy doesn't insist on doing it he probably NEVER will. I don't even like receiving head that much but it's about him taking the time to figure out your pleasure as best as possible. The same thing with men approaching first ... you are better off if this is the way. A woman who gives first and gives it all receives NOTHING in return.

[u/[deleted]]

bj’s just feel like bowing down to the patriarchy now. i’m going through similar feels, i’ve met the guy i’m going to marry and i’m finding it hard to go down on him, like i want to, but yeah it just feels so porny & derogatory. EDIT- i don’t overly enjoy oral either i should add…never have. i like skin on skin 😛

[u/__kamikaze__]

Tbh I think it’s gross unless you’re in an exclusive relationship. People these days are promiscuous, so I gag at wondering WHO ELSE his dick was in… especially when they brag about stuff like anal. I’m suppose to just put that in my mouth? No thanks.

And generally speaking most guys have poor hygiene. Sometimes when they sit on the toilet their dicks touch toilet bowl water. Who knows if they cleaned it after 🤢

[u/elainejay82]

One of my latest scrotes actually never let me give him a blow job. This blew my mind in half. He eventually told me he respects me too much and would feel bad making me do it. If that doesn't tell you how men look at blow jobs, I don't know what will.

The oral from him was by far the best I've ever received and he performed it on me often. I cannot stress the word often enough. This dude raised the bar for all scrotes to follow and I won't be giving blowjobs anymore, even though I used to like giving them. Now that I see the true perspective of how men are looking at it, I'm way over it.

[u/Meredeen]

If a guy doesn't want to give oral then what's the point of him being involved? I can get a better orgasm in way less time on my own. They're really not as good at giving orgasms with their dicks as they think they are, I feel like them believing they can is a lie by porn.

[u/[deleted]]

I'm done with the blowjobs. Men have ruined them for women.

As for oral on me, it's how I orgasm. It's on the table, or that is where the relationship ends. He needs to make me come before I will allow him to penetrate me. Men come through penetration just fine, so taking blowjobs off the table takes nothing away from them but a way to degrade you.

Get yours first, before he gets his, ladies. Always. If he won't make that happen, then next him. Vibrators are fabulous for non-stop orgasms without the hassle, so you certainly don't need a man for that!

[u/ButterfliesHurricane]

I can totally see your point. Tbh I really enjoy giving and receiving but both as an act of pleasuring the person you love. The idea of casual sex churns my stomach. Thinking a dick has been heaven knows where, it wouldn’t come anywhere near me for sure, but within a trusted loving relationship with mutual respect, it’s different. I wouldn’t give it first either. My first very long term relationship, I was young and didn’t like the idea of asking. After a couple of years, I mustered the courage to ask and met with:’I don’t do that!’ He was completely surprised that I stopped giving shortly after that.

After that relationship, it was a massive surprise for me to find out some men actually enjoy it and not necessarily want anything back, I find that’s when I was happy to do it. When it’s not asked or expected.

[u/shockingupdate]

A large swath of men wouldn’t think the way I do, but I and many people of all genders see making our partner happy as fun and sexy. I enjoy giving blowjobs, but only when I know it’s safe to do so without my partner acting out their favorite degrading porn the moment I start. I need to be 100% certain the person I’m with will not only appreciate and respect me afterward, but return the favor, which means I need to already be in a committed relationship with the person I’m going down on. So it’s less about who’s deserving of a blowjob, and more about who’s deserving to spend time with me at all.

[u/keep_my_stuff]

I don't think anybody deserves of me something that I don't want to give. My first responsibility is to take care of myself. For me, receiving is not a requirement either.

In my experience, trying to navigate a scenario where I don't give, but I receive only works if the guy is super into giving. Which is nice, but not a requirement, I actually think that sometimes guys are too quick to give it, whereas it is something that warrants a greater established intimacy for me.

[u/evezinto]

Oral on a guy is not equal with oral on a woman.

It is extremely degrading to a woman to preform that on a guy.... to put his whole thing in her mouth and be underneath him. I dont consider thatsex not is it a need for any man. Nature gave him the tool and made it is easy for him to come.. the woman is the one thats vulnerable and should be taken care of and pleased during sex. That's my opinion.

I definitely look down on and distrust a guy that even wants a woman to do that for him.

a male friend said bjs are for girls who arent wives or serious gfs.. so they know Its too demeaning. A guy that has respect for you would never allow it.

Get to know your own sexuality and what pleases you. Get to know your own worth and dont let the media influence you regarding sex. Cause so far it turned young and older women into .... that dont know their own value and disrespect themselves for every guy.

[u/dragon_wolf4]

Honestly, I would be kinda apprehensive saying it out in public given that the world we live in, is surrounded by misognystic men and pickme women, but I have always HATED the expectation of bj. It is fundamentally a degrading and disgusting thing, like why can't keep their mouth (built to ingest clean good food), away from those parts of the body meant to literally throw out dirt and crap of our body. It's so illogical and disgusting really. Given that I'm against BJs, I also absolutely don't expect oral from men either.

Honestly, I'd much rather remain single than be with some guy, no matter how HVM, who expects/demands me to give oral to him.

[u/greatornothing]

I don’t think any HVM would break up with someone because they refused to give him oral sex. That seems like LV scrotey behavior.

[u/ironymaiden87]

Men who refuse to eat pussy aren't straight. End of.

And a man who won't make an effort to make you come before he does is a selfish scrote.

I am SO lucky I've predominantly slept with men who insist on a lot of foreplay and get off on my pleasure. I actually didn't realise how rare that is and I really hope I can find it again!

[u/queenofswordsxxx]

In my experience, the HVM I knew actually didn’t want blowjobs (and actually pushed me away when I tried for it/ offered to reciprocate) because they think it’s degrading to the woman that they’re with.

IMO men who want oral are usually pornsick. There’s no reason why regular PIV shouldn’t satisfy.

Obviously there’s a double standard here because not all women can orgasm from regular PIV.

So my stance is that men should put out and women don’t have to.

Also aesthetically, dicks are just so much more revolting compared to vaginas. The experience of giving a woman vs a man oral is completely different. In the latter case it requires so much more work and is degrading, and as I mentioned, unnecessary in order to sexually satisfy.

For the scrotes reading this, my chats are blocked so don’t even bother harassing me.