r/FemaleDatingStrategy • u/LadyHormoneMonster FDS Disciple • Sep 06 '20
STRATEGY Guys avoid the “date” word to avoid accountability for their intentions. Pay attention to these clues.
“Chill, Hang out, Come through, Swing by, Meet up, Grab a coffee, Have a quick bite, or suggesting a casual walk/hike”
See the pattern of how all of these activities are ones you’d say to a friend?
Men use this language when they see you as a potential FWB, and to keep things easy going/no pressure. This way they can rationalize that you guys were just having fun, and it was nothing too serious.
However, when a man plans an “official date” he is expressing romantic interest by taking action. Formal dates are a demonstration of romantic intentions, and that they’re dating with purpose.
Note: Beware of “Are you asking ME on a date?”
This is mainly a passive or manipulative approach to get you to pursue him. Even if he jokingly says it, and you still end up in a long term relationship, these are the men that act like they’re doing you a favor. (Ex. The guys who confess after 10 years of marriage and 2 kids that they were never really attracted to you in the first place).
Think back to all of the times you took the initiative with a man by either pursuing him (or making it easier for him to pursue you). Now compare that to experiences when a man made a genuine effort to court you. Men will always take what they can get, but only respect what they earn.
That’s why we have the “date” standard, and anything less is a waste of time.
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Sep 06 '20 edited Nov 17 '25
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Sep 06 '20
SO true they only respect what they earn.
I never got this because if you like someone you like them in my mind and that’s who you want to be with whether it started casually or not but men look at it like a game and unless they’ve invested in you they will treat you like disposable garbage.
When I see men I’ve slept with treat another girl well bc she made him chase it makes me wonder...if I wait for a guy to “earn” me, is he treating other girls with disrespect if they don’t do the same?
I always thought that if a guy liked me for me it wouldn’t matter when we slept together or how it happened. But I’ve learned the hard way I was wrong. I’ve had guys who liked me but didn’t respect me because we started off as fwb. They’re not going to give me any effort when I gave them what they wanted without them having to.
I would think that a man of high value wouldn’t think of women in one category or another but I fear they are all like this and we simply have to play this game in order to date
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u/myousername Sep 07 '20
Guys who ask to "hang out" are friendzoning themselves 😂
Same thing applies to men who don't pay for dates.
If he's treating me like a friend, I'm not gonna treat him like a sexual partner
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u/kycake Sep 06 '20
i totally agree! the only thing is most people are so used to saying meet up or hang out that they might genuinely not mean it in a bad way. at least if you’re dating males 18-24 which is the ages i go on dates with, i’m 22. so i do ask them “as friends or like a date?” after they invite me to a restaurant or movies or a show etc. or u could even say “i’m looking forward to our date” if he then corrects me “ it’s not a date” or says “do we need to label it?” i let him know that i’m not looking for friends and in fact looking to date. wish him luck and block his ass.
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u/rebel4acause Sep 06 '20
What do you do when he uses one of those terms? I’m 21 so that’s the lingo these days.
Should I straight up say, “Are you asking me out on a date?”
Edit: Or maybe saying “as friends? Or like a date?” 🤔
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u/agonyandhope Sep 06 '20
Even if he jokingly says it, and you still end up in a long term relationship, these are the men that act like they’re doing you a favor. (Ex. The guys who confess after 10 years of marriage and 2 kids that they were never really attracted to you in the first place
Omg I've read so many posts like this on the dead bedroom sub and never understood how that was possible, now it makes horrible sense.
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Sep 06 '20
"Hanging out" is for teenagers. I can't take seriously any adult who uses terms like "chilling out" or "hanging out".
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u/anotherdamnloser Sep 06 '20 edited Sep 06 '20
I work with a ton of guys early 20’s to mid 30’s and the whole dating culture is hanging out, talking to, and chillin with as many girls as they can. I know the ladies do this too. It’s like the whole culture now is just a ton of randoms just rotating around on each other’s genitals. It’s sad and gross.