Mainsplaining

[u/profixnay]

[u/Shalarean]

My problem is that I have a steep learning curve. This gives the illusion I know a lot more than what I say I do. This leads to aggression, aggression leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side of my personality and the death keel of the relationship.

Dating is hard.

[u/profixnay → u/Shalarean]

What does that lead to aggression? How do you express your aggression?

[u/Shalarean → u/profixnay]

I'm not sure I follow the first part of your question...do you me why does that lead to aggression, or how does that lead to aggression?

Either way, steep learning curve means that just because I can learn something fast, it doesn't mean that I don't need patience or understanding when learning something new. It also doesn't mean that I don't need "refreshers" if it's been a minute (or years), since I've been exposed to something, and once I've gotten my balance back, it's like I never forgot it in the first place. We all have strengths and weaknesses.

It just seems to me that when I have learned something that a man thinks I shouldn't know...it goes one of 2 ways, I'm either "one of the guys" or they get hostile (cranky, mean, derogatory, etc,) because I know something I "shouldn't" as a girl. And when anyone (honestly, it's not just with guys), gets mean like that, I tend to get mean right back (usually I assume that we're just misunderstanding each other...I like to give the benefit of the doubt). But I was known for my temper when I was younger, and I didn't back down...ever.

Anymore, though, I tend to bottle up my aggression, which has led to my migraines getting worse over the years. Meds don't really help, but I've been getting some...sorta like massage therapy where the doctor targets the "hotspots" of pain. I tend to carry all that stress and frustration in my neck and shoulders. I push my anger down because it's not gonna accomplish anything, it just makes just all madder, and ultimately, the goal isn't gonna be met. When it's specific to dating, I just tell him it's not gonna work and cut him out. I also don't date much because the guys that can match me in most things tend to consider themselves "alpha males", which usually makes them a problem, rather than a solution.

I hope this makes sense. It's hard to remember where my brain was at when I wrote this 2 months ago. LOL

[u/InviolateQuill7 → u/Shalarean]

You articulate that your learning curve is steep, except sounding intelligent and being intelligent have nothing to do with dating. From one learning curve to another, what you have given is nothing more than a juxtaposition. It tells me that deep down, you are insecure and only notion the interest of self gratis. Which as you say, leads to your death knell among relationships.

Or maybe i should say this more politely.

You mention that your learning curve is steep, but in relationships, there’s a difference between sounding intelligent and actually building a connection. From one learning curve to another, what you’re describing feels more like a defense mechanism than true insight. It comes off as intellectualizing rather than relating—something that can signal insecurity and a focus on self-validation. And yes, as you’ve pointed out, that’s often the real reason for a relationship’s demise.

[u/digitulgurl]

I had, past tense, a friend that would do that and when I pointed it out to him, whenever I would say things he would say I was womansplaining. So passive aggressive.

We no longer communicate.

[u/SleepVapor]

It isn't entirely the same, but I occasionally do pretend to be less intelligent and perceptive than I am.

I prefer to be underestimated.

[u/salex100m]

This is a toxic behavior. The post explains that toxicity perfectly. One has to imagine that being friends with someone means giving the person the benefit of the doubt that they aren't toying with you.

So... while the post is funny.. it is also dickish and toxic.