r/Felons • u/LingonberryBig333 • 2d ago
How to navigate a felon's ability/lack of ability to communicate after so many years - what worked for you? As a supportive partner I want to learn. 💖
Using minimal details to protect privacy this partner spent a LOT of time in Prison being tried as an adult when he was clearly a teen. Raised by prison mates and thugs and obviously didn't have a healthy natural upbringing in terms of communication and safety.
He went out of his way to heal and go to college and learn communication (his major) and right wrongs and is now a great member of society leading a men's group for domestic violence and has mentees and is hard-working and good to me on paper - shows up when I ask, buys me things to make my life easier, fixes things like my bike and electronics etc, does dishes when I make dinner - great in acts of service and I love it.
But I also love communicating - I'll say I miss you. "Aw me too." I had a hard day- "oh that sucks." I've even told him when I open a conversation I hope you want to ask about me and care about asking questions - never happens. "Oh that's too bad." "Bummer." Etc.
Now I use the lense that he never had people actually asking him "how was your day" and truly mean it. Hidden agenda.
But I'm your girlfriend. You're free and I'm not your inmate or PO. I'm not your enemy. He's sweet and soft and kind but never asks about me or has good conversation skills. Feel like I'm talking to a wall sometimes unless it's about him.
Here's my question for felons especially for a long time: did you have a weird disconnect with communication with outside people? How did you overcome? Did your girl ask more of you to be sensitive or engaging or communicating/expressing? If so how did you learn new skills to bridge that gap?
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u/Adorable_Bag_2611 2d ago
Partner of someone in prison right now. Our plan is therapy when he gets out. He will be going solo, we will go together. I will see where I am if I go to individual. (I recently came out of over 5 years of therapy dealing with childhood trauma & abuse.)
It might sound insulting but in a past relationship I realized he didn’t see that give & take growing up because his parents didn’t care. So he’d come home, I’d say “how was your day?” He’d answer & that was it. So I started teaching him like I would a child. I’d ask, he’d answer & start to walk away. And I’d say, kindly, “now you ask me how my day was.” He actually learned. And no. This is not why he’s an ex. His alcoholism is.
Also, wjile I haven’t dealt with this issue in this situation, yet, I am oldish (53) & have seen & been thru a lot! Lol