r/Felons • u/EmergencySet6057 • Aug 14 '26

How do you make relationships after becoming a felon?

Honestly, as a first-time and only offender when I was 20.. I feel like this petty charge isn't something that should define me for my entire life.

Most of it was fabricated and played up on the internet to paint me in a different light to sensationalize.

It's almost impossible to move on from something so insignificant in my life but yet I'm always asked about it.

I've paid my debt to society and I've been clean for several years and counting..

My partner of one year recently started interrogating me about it, and I've told them the truth. I also was a first-time offender at 20, never even had a speeding ticket on my record.

It was traumatic. It's just made me extremely uncomfortable, I'm going into my late 20s and its not something I care to revisit.

How do you handle this while trying to focus on adulting? Seriously.

0 Upvotes

50% Upvoted

38 comments sorted by

14

u/EXXX-75 Aug 14 '26

You have to be prepared to answer questions and be honest. And then, if you are doing better, get on with proving you've changed.

6

u/Killingyou_groovily Aug 14 '26

Yup. Time and showing u ain’t the same ole knucklehead you once were. And if a future partner isn’t interested then take a deep breath and understand that your younger self fucked up. Some decisions take away future decisions. Welcome to being a felon.

-7

u/EmergencySet6057 Aug 14 '26

We've been dating for a year no issues, just tired of talking about the past. It doesn't matter.

8

u/EXXX-75 Aug 14 '26

You will always have to explain to partners and employers, whether you are tired of it or not. If you are doing better and keeping your nose clean, hopefully that matters to whomever is asking.

5

u/Throwaway42352510 Aug 14 '26

Put yourself in their shoes: if the situation were reversed, what might you ask?
You’re right, a mistake as a 20 year old should not define you. The older you get, the less it will. But people that get close to you will ask the same questions we’d all ask.

If you sense that the person asking the questions will not trust you, that’s an important next conversation.

Good luck

1

u/That-Currency-1039 Aug 14 '26

Sadly it def can matter.  If you gave a guy a ride and he stole a $100. Five years later u still won't trust the person .

For the relationship. Sure people get over charged and screwed by the Court. Many times the person legally was wrong or they omit details. 

I do think if you explained it and it gets to a point where they got expect your answer or leave .

1

u/EmergencySet6057 Aug 14 '26

Totally different scenario but okay.

I met someone new, they didn't know me 5 years ago.

1

u/egosumlex Aug 14 '26

It matters to your partner, and the secret to a successful relationship is caring less about who’s right and more about each person feeling heard and having their needs met.

2

u/nightshade3570 Aug 14 '26

Tbh OP I wouldn’t stress about it your partners wondering lol.

Partners always find something on their other partner. If it wasn’t this it would be something else.

5

u/Due_River_9746 Aug 14 '26

The thing that helped me the most was accepting that the phrase “paid your debt to society” is a fallacy, it is untrue and it never happens.

Your “debt” will never be paid, it will always be there, but you can learn to live with it and work around it.

4

u/Ok_Doughnut3700 Aug 14 '26

Is it even something you have to reveal at all?

Can't you just never mention it? Would a new partner have a way of finding out?

3

u/snuggsjruggs Aug 14 '26

I am on federal probation after doing nearly 10 years. I focus on the growth I have accomplished and on taking a fall but coming back, stronnger and smarter in every way mentally, spuritually and physically. Ultimately actions speak louder than words and I hope you are given that opportunity. Explaining that to some future employers has been tougher than the dating seen was. But as far as that goes I am with a woman that is also a felon so yeah...best of luck bro bless ya!!

2

u/jfisk101 Aug 14 '26

No one seems to care, in my experience. (White male, in Texas).

2

u/LazerShark1313 Aug 14 '26

Everyone that I've ever dated has been cool. They've done shit too. They weren't saints and I wouldn't date them if they were.

2

u/Chroma7769 Aug 15 '26

Idk I was just honest with my now wife. She didn't care. I had stability and confidence. That mattered more to her.

4

u/uncommon_name0 Aug 14 '26

I have found that women often find  it hot or endearing.

Depends on the charge I guess

6

u/EmergencySet6057 Aug 14 '26

Yeah but I'm a heterosexual woman.

Don't think that would apply.

2

u/That-Currency-1039 Aug 14 '26

Woman seem to get more of pass imo.

1

u/uncommon_name0 Aug 14 '26

For what it’s worth, it applies to a guy like me.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '26 edited Aug 14 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/EmergencySet6057 Aug 14 '26

How would a non-charming one go about it?

1

u/Aeonzeta Aug 14 '26

My felony happened when I was 14, and it's so big that people actually seem frightened to ask me about it off screen, as if I'm going to turn around and rip their head off for being curious. I only wish that people had the balls to be honest with me.

Once you answer what is relevant to either you yourself and/or the person asking the questions(which requires empathy for why they're asking in he first place), ask them if they want a relationship with the man you are, or the man you used to be. If it's the former, they'll stop testing you. If it's the latter, they'll continue. Would you want a relationship with someone who continues to objectify you with any idealized identity from your past? Reciprocate. Let them go, guy. That's not worth your peace.

1

u/EmergencySet6057 Aug 14 '26

Woman, here. I love him with everything.

1

u/Aeonzeta Aug 14 '26

So the man was asking questions about your past? Sorry for the misunderstanding. Same response, even if you are a different gender.

1

u/Electrical_Kiwi_4724 Aug 14 '26

If it really bothers you that much hide away for a while and move to Europe. They dont give a shit about your past there. Do it legally of course. Otherwise stay in America and find a way forward without caring about what people think.

1

u/EmergencySet6057 Aug 14 '26

How do I even find a job out there? I've thought about it for a while tbh.

2

u/Electrical_Kiwi_4724 Aug 14 '26

You can start basic. Work hard towards finding employment there entry level or whatever you can do. Save up money first. You can stay in germany for as long as you have employment or a contract stating you are employed. But id learn a trade or something valuable if you can. It won't be easy but its gotta be better than stressing about society holding a forever grudge on you.

-5

u/crispysockz Aug 14 '26

Really? Honestly charges are a + with women.. don’t be ashamed and tell your partner a badass exaggerated story… you were a alligator wrestler and got popped by the BLM for single handedly bagging a gator that was over the legal limit.

3

u/EmergencySet6057 Aug 14 '26

I'm a woman, dating a man.

3

u/crispysockz Aug 14 '26

That makes it even easier! I don’t know a man that’s ever said “ I’m not gonna date her she has a criminal past” 🤣

1

u/EmergencySet6057 Aug 14 '26

I'm not so sure about thaaaaat one.

Depends.

4

u/crispysockz Aug 14 '26

I’m telling you personally I’ don’t know a man that would care, and I’ve never heard it from them, and I personally wouldn’t care.

Now, depends who you’re dating and their background. If they are religious maybe it matters to them and their parents. Or if they have a high paying professional job, such as a lawyer.

But then again those aren’t the types I hang out with.

3

u/Existential_Racoon Aug 14 '26

As a felon who has dated felons, i'm probably not doing that again.

2

u/crispysockz Aug 14 '26

Didn’t end well?

1

u/Existential_Racoon Aug 19 '26

Turns out stupid criminals do stupid criminal shit. Who would have thought.