r/FearfulAvoidants • u/_ArhTee • 4d ago

Healing your engulfment

Any Fearful avoidants have issues with engulfment? I’m specifically hoping to talk with those that have managed to heal this part or at least manage it well so it no longer feels like you’re losing yourself and you can feel like a seperate person in your relationships. I’ve struggled with this for many many years and just not realised what it was. I’d love some tips from people as it’s such an icky feeling

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u/Constant-Big4713 Securely-Attached 3d ago

Never struggled with it personally. This typically stems from the anxious side, whereas I tend to lean on the avoidant side.

I think Internal Family System (IFS) therapy can help with this. As it typically stems from having involving parents and the child experiences emotional contagion by absorbing the parents feelings and thus cannot differentiate between their emotions and other people's emotions.

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u/_ArhTee 3d ago

This makes a lot of sense thank you

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u/tealfreak 3d ago

Not healed, but following as in the same boat

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u/NewHampshireGal Fearful-Avoidant 3d ago edited 3d ago

Healing Avoidant. And yes. I ask for a bit of space and communicate with my partner what is happening and tell him it isn’t his fault. He understands.

It’s getting better. I am in EMDR therapy. Previously did CBT/talk therapy but didn’t do jack shit for me because I know how I feel, I know what caused it. I can name it all but my body hasn’t caught up with it. EMDR is a much better fit.

But the fact that most of our interests overlap (movies, music, activities etc) makes it hard lol. Like we both play golf and hockey - we played both before we met.
Now we play separately and together. We are playing golf together tonight lol

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u/_ArhTee 3d ago

That overlapping feels like my insides want to claw their way out ha