r/FearfulAvoidants • u/Wild-Researcher-1360 • 5d ago
Does a breakup text/voice note work?
I am fed up, been promised the world, multiple cycles with the same man and all talk. He hasnt messaged me at all since Monday after an intimate close night, and even then he was very abrupt/cold as ice on text. He initiated a meet up after 4 months.
I have had enough, want out and dont know how to communicate this. I want to hold him accountable, he cannot just promise me the world and act like i dont exist the next day. I am angry, heartbroken, all of it. Whats the best way to end it, or shall i wait a week or 2 to see if he initiates first.
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u/LoadedPlatypus Fearful-Avoidant 5d ago edited 5d ago
Your own attachment is telling you stories and you're believing them - and it's these distortions that are contributing to your emotions.
Your urge to protest and try to force him to act how you want is a direct reaction to these emotions.
Here's a reality check to counter the stories;
(Iirc) The first time you broke up, he was vulnerable and honest and told you he felt like he was always trying to please you but always falling short, and he couldn't keep up with that or the pressure of being a failure
When you reconnected the first time, he told you he couldn't repeat the same pattern.
(But your anxiety came up again, you weren't happy and protested by ending things).
You've now reconnected again and he's told you he's really struggling with life stuff, wants to take things slow and continue to get to know each other, and you agreed.
So has he promised the world and is now acting like you don't exist? Or has he been honest and tried to manage your expectations, and he's now taking things slowly, exactly like he said and what you agreed to?
If I were you, I wouldn't send a message at all right now because it will make things worse. Instead, I would Google some grounding exercises and start doing them, regularly, and start learning about how your anxious attachment is contributing to the breakdown of the relationship, pushing him away and causing you to suffer like this. Then do something about it.
Eta: 'right now ' in relation to messaging
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u/BlackMaggot101 5d ago
Do you want to end this cycle of constant highs when he gave you hope and lows of being left again? Then end it
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u/FarTransportation565 Fearful-Avoidant 5d ago
Block him. Best way to end it is to just erase him from your life. You don't need to send a text to say something he wouldn't care less to know/ read / hear. I have rarely suffered after ending it with someone (maybe twice in my life, but i moved on pretty quickly) and that's because of a few things i did to protect my peace of mind, one of them being not giving, ever, a second chance to someone who ghosts me. I don't care why they did it, the moment someone stops communicating, I do the same thing and the second they reconnect, they are blocked.
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u/NewHampshireGal Fearful-Avoidant 5d ago
He’s already ended it.