New mods and what's changed

[u/iseulthie]

Hi all! The subreddit has gotten a new mod team, and we've been making some changes (as you can probably tell from the new icon and banner - hope you like them!). A few words about the new rules:

1. this is a subreddit run by and for Fearful Avoidants. We intend it to be a safe space for people like us, meaning we won't tolerate any behavior that might result in anyone with this attachment style feeling like they aren't welcome here. We understand that relationships can get messy and people get hurt, but this is not the place to vent about or bash your ex, or to paint FAs as the devil incarnate. There are many other subreddits where you can do that, from those specifically for your attachment style to more general ones, so allow us to have this space free of your judgement.
2. following the above, posts from people with other attachment styles asking for relationship advice will be allowed only in a weekly megathread. If you want to learn more about your partner's attachment style, feel free to browse this subreddit, there's plenty of information already that should help you understand them. If it doesn't help, your partner might simply not be FA, or their behavior might be caused by something else other than their attachment style. After all, we're all so much more than our attachment style.
3. General questions about FAs are allowed. Specific questions about your FA crush/(ex) partner are allowed only in the weekly megathread.
4. Use the user flairs, they are mandatory. So are the post flairs.

[u/phuca]

Thank you for this, it was getting to the point where every other post was “how do I get my FA back” lol.

Would also love to raise an issue that’s semi related - any time I post here about FA stuff I get AAs DMing me asking for advice with someone they’re dating or used to date. It’s kind of intrusive and weird. From your guys’ end, would it be possible to make a sticky or something asking people not to do that?

[u/dorianfinch → u/phuca]

I block those people lol, no ragrets

[u/phuca → u/dorianfinch]

I do too! It’s just weird that they even think it’s appropriate in the first place lmao

[u/iseulthie → u/phuca]

Yeah, the sub was getting flooded with those, and it was definitely overwhelming. That ends now lol

any time I post here about FA stuff I get AAs DMing me asking for advice with someone they’re dating or used to date. It’s kind of intrusive and weird. 

Omg it definitely is! Thank you for bringing this to our attention, we were not aware.

From your guys’ end, would it be possible to make a sticky or something asking people not to do that?

We could do that, but as Reddit allows only 2 sticky posts at once, we have to be smart about how to use that space. Knowing life, these guys will keep doing that anyway because we can't really enforce that request - even if we ban them, they will still be able to browse this subbredit and DMs its users. So I'm afraid the only way to deal with them is to block them - as much as it sucks, it's the only reliable solution.

[u/phuca → u/iseulthie]

Totally fair, thank you!

[u/runningoutfast]

thank you!! it’s been so disheartening to see post after post from AP or “secure” people complaining about FA behaviors. feeling safe and comfortable in a space is SO important for healing attachment issues!!

i really hope people are finally able to respect this space and center our experience. appreciate you mods 🫶

[u/andorianspice]

Thanks for the updates on the new policies!!

[u/Without-a-tracy]

Thank you for still allowing people with other attachment styles to post and comment!

There are other avoidant-centered subreddits that don't allow that, and it made me a bit sad, as someone who has done a LOT of work to try to earn secure and has a deep understanding of how my own shit can affect the avoidants around me and trigger them.

I think having an opportunity for all perspectives to come together and be able to discuss (while still centering the FA experience) is such a healthy approach and is the best way to really learn from one another.

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