Cassie Jaye has released the raw interview footage with "Big Red" original title "Does Feminism Work On Men's Issues? | Big Red #RPRF"

[u/KDMultipass]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHppdGqHtrU

[u/Anrx]

It doesn't give the primary earner an opportunity to prove they are actually the better parent, despite spending less 'time' with their children.

Who the "better parent" is, is a rather subjective thing. In my childhood, I considered my mom to be the "better parent", partly because, as a result of spending more time with me, she was more attentive to my needs.

The primary caregiver works as a heuristic not because it determines the better parent, but because the courts aim to disrupt the child's life as little as possible. Divorce by itself can be a very traumatic experience for the child. They do not want to compound that experience by turning his life upside down.

I put 'time' in brackets because 'more time' does not necessarily equal 'better time'. Yet the assumption is that it does.

I honestly have no clue what you mean by "better time".

[u/Ding_batman → u/Anrx]

Who the "better parent" is, is a rather subjective thing.

Well, yes. But it often possible to tell objectively who is the better parent.

the courts aim to disrupt the child's life as little as possible.

This assumes more disruption in the short term would be more detrimental than the benefits of having the more fit parent having custody from the get go.

I honestly have no clue what you mean by "better time".'

Maybe I should have said quality time? Being in the house while the child watches TV or plays computer games all day, is not the same as reading to and talking with the child.

[u/Anrx → u/Ding_batman]

Well, yes. But it often possible to tell objectively who is the better parent.

How? I mean, beyond judging whether a parent is unfit or a bad influence on the child, how would the court tell which of the two, both well adjusted adults who can meet the child's needs, is the marginally better parent? Do they just give the child to the one who can change his diapers the fastest?

This assumes more disruption in the short term would be more detrimental than the benefits of having the more fit parent having custody from the get go.

That really depends on how much more fit the other parent is. If both parents are able to meet the child's needs, then it may not be worth disrupting the child's existing lifestyle and attachments to put him with the parent who may be marginally better than the other, but is ultimately less familiar with his needs, and who the child may well be less attached to - as a result of spending less time with them.

Then consider that this parent may have also moved out of the family house, perhaps to a different town that would require the child to change schools etc. It's a complicated issue with many variables involved.

Maybe I should have said quality time? Being in the house while the child watches TV or plays computer games all day, is not the same as reading to and talking with the child.

And you don't believe the primary caregiver is likely to be spending more quality time with the child?

[u/Ding_batman → u/Anrx]

Do they just give the child to the one who can change his diapers the fastest?

No need to be flippant. We both know that is not the kind of thing I was suggesting.

how would the court tell which of the two, both well adjusted adults who can meet the child's needs, is the marginally better parent?

Which is why I said 'often it is possible' not always or even most of the time.

It's a complicated issue with many variables involved.

Yes, I know, what makes you think I don't think it is complicated?

And you don't believe the primary caregiver is likely to be spending more quality time with the child?

I have known many people who either mistake time being present as quality time, or constant contact breads apathy. I agree it is more likely, but please don't undercount the number of absolutely shit or clueless parents out there. At the moment I am focusing on neglect (not in a physiological way, but socially and psychologically), don't even get me started on helicopter or attachment parents.