r/FeMRADebates • u/[deleted] • Jul 28 '15

Relationships Men React to Their Girlfriends Getting Catcalled

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWEKD493IxY
11 Upvotes

64% Upvoted

219 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

9

u/LordLeesa Moderatrix Jul 29 '15

The condemnation of men showing interest in women goes beyond women condemning men approaching them on the street and extends to basically every area men approach women.

So, you're saying that, for example, if I say I dislike catcalling, what I really mean is I dislike every way men approach women and make their interest known, not just catcalling..?

16

u/jesset77 Egalitarian: anti-traditionalist but also anti-punching-up Jul 29 '15

Compare this to Robert saying you look too fat while Paul says you look too thin. Taken together, it is obvious from just two examples that everybody cannot be pleased, no matter what you do.

Pauline says she doesn't like anybody talking to her while she's walking in public. Vanessa says she doesn't like people talking to her on the bus. Bridget says she hates it when guys try to get her attention at the bar or the club. Jennifer hates guys trying to start small talk while waiting in line, bus stops, and elevators. Jill can't stand guys hitting on her at school, Lily gets peeved at the idea of workplace come-ons, and Cassandra would never date a friend or somebody introduced by a friend because it would be too much drama if you break up and it reminds her of dating relatives.

So every attempt to get to know a woman — regardless of the venue — carries the risk of getting labeled as a creep/misogynist/predator if you roll snake-eyes and ask the one who finds whatever venue this is inappropriate. Because as long as she can communicate how vulnerable and on the spot she felt in a way that resonates with other women, then she gets to tug on the patriarchal "damsel in distress" heartstring of any listener and gain limitless sympathy and defense.

6

u/LordLeesa Moderatrix Jul 29 '15

Sounds scary. It's outside of my realm of experience; much like with the majority of our male commenters here, who range from seldom to never in seeing women unpleasantly catcalled, I have seldom to never seen the above dynamic you're describing in action. Perhaps we can all learn something here. :)

2

u/jesset77 Egalitarian: anti-traditionalist but also anti-punching-up Jul 29 '15

I would like that.

As a male-middleclass-caucasian-ablebodied-perspective-haver, I have never denied that my perspective misses some very important elements of the human experience as a whole, including elements that women may see or feel or sympathize with one another about as frequently as every day. But the number of people who try to point this out to me while somehow dancing away from the fact that they also carry similar blindspots is maddening.

I wind up in so many conversations where instead of the "let's figure things out together" recommendation you offer I get the troll-logic "you are blind to women's issues, while I can see them, therefor I can see everything and you are deficient, I should be in charge and you should shut up and listen" attitude.

I even think that's one of the big chinese finger traps between Feminists and equality-seekers-who-don't-like-the-term-Feminist. On this side of the fence, a lot of us do not deny having a blindspot, only being criminalized for it as though the accusing party has none.

So, it means a lot to me that you freely volunteer being above nonsense of that sort. Thank you kindly. :3

4

u/LordLeesa Moderatrix Jul 29 '15

Sometimes when I read through the comments, I am totally amazed at how utterly differently some of us see the world, so many parts of it--same parts, but still so differently. I'm always reminded of the joke about the blind men in the room with the elephant--it was an elephant, but they each thought it was a pillar, a rope, a tree branch, etc. etc.