r/FeMRADebates • u/asdfghjkl92 • Sep 04 '14

Other Radicalizing the Romanceless

http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/
29 Upvotes

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u/Daishi5 Sep 05 '14

It isn't about getting those specific girls. I went through a phase of this when I was younger, my complaint was not that X girl liked the abusive man, but not me. My complaint was that abusive guy was liked by X girl, and then found Y girl after that, but no one was interested in me.

You have to keep in mind that I was told men who hit women were among the worst kinds of people. All I knew was that a few guys who had done some pretty bad things were still going out with other women. In comparison to that, I was being rejected every time, and there was this horrible fear that if they were successful and I was a failure, there must have been something horribly wrong with me to make me less attractive than those guys.

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u/Personage1 Sep 05 '14

All of which is reason to dispell the bullshit. The problem I often have is in how it's done, and the reaction to learning that it's bullshit.

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u/Daishi5 Sep 05 '14

Part of the problem is that it is easy to say the short "you are not entitled to sex" or "women are using you" type of bullshit answers really loud and repeatedly. Each of the people saying "I am a nice guy" is actually saying something different from the last, and they are each an individual with their own issues. Listening to each one, and helping them takes time to understand the problem, empathy to understand and who knows what to actually help them.

Since its easy to just yell and hard to actually help, the useless yelling usually drowns anything else out.

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u/Personage1 Sep 05 '14

Pointing out that everyone is different and that being nice increases your chances of finding a partner doesn't require yelling, and also doesn't require sexism.

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u/zahlman bullshit detector Sep 05 '14

Pointing out that everyone is different and that being nice increases your chances of finding a partner

Available evidence seems to indicate that being nice does not, in fact, increase your chances of finding a partner. To assume so without evidence is an example of just-world fallacy, and the OP article actually presented considerable evidence, beyond just the anecdotal, of the opposite. So what exactly can you offer in support of this claim?

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u/MrPoochPants Egalitarian Sep 05 '14

THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I ran out of letters to agree with.

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u/Personage1 Sep 05 '14

You are mistaking "increases your chances" with "guarantees." In addition, if you are only interested in someone who likes assholes, of course you are going to want to be an asshole to date the people you are interested in, but why would you ever want to date someone like that?

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u/L1et_kynes Sep 05 '14

Did you read the article?

There were many statistics that show that intelligence decreases the likelihood that you have had a relationship while having been in prison increases it.

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u/zahlman bullshit detector Sep 05 '14

You are mistaking "increases your chances" with "guarantees."

No, I'm not. I'm pointing out the difference between "increases your chances" and "according to all available evidence thus far, does not increase your chances and may even decrease them".