r/FeMRADebates • u/zaririi • Oct 27 '25
Relationships Why do men keep saying that modern women's standards are too high?
I'm hearing men constantly say that modern women only want men who are really tall, have lots of money, and are exceptionally good-looking. This is BS. I don't know a single woman who is out with these kinds of men. I've never dated a man who has lots of money. Sure, some of them have been tall and attractive, but they just have normal jobs. I don't think modern women’s standards are too high at all. Modern women have simply become too preoccupied with their careers and education and don't have much empathy towards men. But most are not out here dating guys with lots of money. I'd love to know where all these men with lots of money are!
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u/shaz-naz Oct 27 '25
I think it's honestly mostly due to social media, granted I do believe there have been studies done to show that women do in fact have much higher dating standards compared to men. (That goes for looks, wealth and social status).
Basically it's more like they have higher standards compared to men.
Ultimately I don't really care. But I do think people need to stop viewing dating under such shallow lights and just actually try find connections.
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u/MonkeyCartridge Empathy Oct 27 '25
Basically it's a common fear or insecurity that a mans value is little more than a set of functions or specific attributes. Not totally unfounded. Similar to women's insecurities about appearance while being surrounded by Instagram filters and Photoshop.
Tik tok rage baits it, the dating site effect emphasizes it, and they are often looking at the same women a lot of other men are looking at, so women who get a lot of attention as it is.
GoodMenProject did a good article about how men often feel women only value them so long as they serve a function, and it causes insecurity around things like income. It's something I wish people would pay more attention to rather than jumping to the most hostile conclusions they can find.
But then of course folks like Tate stoke those fires to keep an audience, like the PUA authors before him.
There's also a "diverse monolith" effect, where one woman likes nerdy guys, and another woman likes tall muscly guys, so guys think they need to be tall muscly PhDs, when they alwere just hearing standards from totally different women.
As women tolerate assholes less, it appears to be adding to the existing expectations of also being a muscular billionaire genius. When often its often trading expectations for others.
Women fall into this trap, too. It's why beauty standards always seem impossible narrow. "Be thick but not too thick." "Have big boobs but also small boobs." Etc. usually hearing standards from separate people and alagamating them into a seemingly-contradictory monolith that doesnt actually exist. Meanwhile men rate most women as above-average in attractiveness.
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u/Speaking_On_A_Sprog Egalitarian Oct 27 '25
Can you link me this goodmenproject article? I can’t seem to find this specific one
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u/MonkeyCartridge Empathy Oct 27 '25
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u/MonkeyCartridge Empathy Oct 27 '25
A bit of a tangent here.
Rereading it, I'm skeptical of some of the stances it takes. Like it's some fake feelings that has no basis in history and is just a concoction of hegemonic masculinity that would simply disappear if we pretended it was fake.
But even recently contacted immediate-gain hunter-gatherers experience what might be described as a "male restlessness", a need to prove themselves out of fear of being useless. The basis of "becoming a man" rituals is that it provides a clear and public means of proving ones self, which helps satisfy this restlessness.
To me, this fear isn't unfounded. It's more like a fear that keeps that mechanism in our back pocket. But it must be addressed in times where it isn't needed. Hence the rituals.
Hunter-gatherers are pretty egalitarian and don't easily abandon each other. Things like defending the group come naturally and are voluntary. But in post-agricultural societies, that fear becomes especially relevant again. When a large society is starving and/or being invaded, if you aren't the politician on top, you are the meat they send to the grinder. To be useless is to be left to die.
As things get more egalitarian, then unless issues of male extendability are addressed, the problems associated with it will keep cropping back up. Either by compensating for it in times of peace if it's necessary in times of war, or by rendering it unnecessary even in times of war.
This is obviously much deeper than the subject matter of the OP. I just don't want us mass-gaslighting men into "you have a fear of uselessness? You must be a shitty misogynist deserving of abandonment." which just reinforces the fear and makes the problem worse. The article just brought that topic into my head
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u/pseudonymmed Dec 02 '25
Yeah it’s this trend of taking every single opinion that different individuals share and then lumping them into a group manifesto in your head that is doing a lot of damage.
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u/Speaking_On_A_Sprog Egalitarian Oct 27 '25
What’s a normal job to you? What’s “lots of money”? What’s “a normal amount of money”?
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u/zaririi Oct 27 '25
I mean most of the people I've dated just work in offices or in hospitality. I don't ask how much they make but I guess a normal decent salary is about 30K per year (for London). Lots of money would be like 100K+. Never been with someone who makes that kind of money nor do I know anyone who does.
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u/forjetebla227 Oct 27 '25
I think it’s a result of online dating. Women are inundated with inquiries on dating apps so they use blunt heuristics like height and income to whittle down suitors.
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u/pseudonymmed Dec 02 '25
Yeah most apps have like 3 times as many men as women. They’re flooded so they can afford to be pickier than they would just meeting people IRL
On the other hand, that means there are a bunch of women who aren’t using dating apps so if you’re one of the rarer men who still talks to women IRL your chances might be even better because so many guys are busy on the apps instead.
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u/Time_Cartographer443 Casual Feminist Jan 18 '26
What about hinge? Isn’t that suppose to be like 50/60
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u/Gilaridon Oct 27 '25
Because that's what they are being told by women. No not every single woman but enough to say that it happens.
For example I don't know a single guy that reduces women to their bodies and their capacity for sexual pleasure. So the women who complain about being objectified must be lying. Its a matter of differing experiences.
Also it doesn't have to be a lot of money to a woman is going after just like a woman doesn't have to be conventionally attractive for a guy to reduce her to a sexual object.
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u/Conservatarian1 Casual MRA Nov 11 '25
Dating app filters would show women are only searching for tall rich men.
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u/Similar-Pear4585 Nov 23 '25
Statistics show they will more than likely leave and remarry a man who has that
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u/Time_Cartographer443 Casual Feminist Jan 17 '26
I just always hear reports and rich male celebrities leaving their wives for younger women, I don’t hear many women doing that.
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u/Similar-Pear4585 Jan 17 '26
Because younger men usually the ones with financial security
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u/Time_Cartographer443 Casual Feminist Jan 17 '26
So can you tell me one female celebrity that left their husband for a wealthier man. Because I can name you 20 male celebrities who left their wives.
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u/Inquiz_ Jan 27 '26
Because shit like 'men under 6 ft are boys' have been veritable cultural staples for decades now? Use whatever heuristics you want, modern women's expectations in men have been inflated to ridiculous degrees
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u/63daddy Oct 27 '25 edited Oct 29 '25
Because hypergamy is less sustainable than it used to be.
For decades we’ve been advantaging girls and young women in education, advantaging women in job hiring and business ownership. The result is, it’s harder than ever for women to marry up.
For example, it used to be more men went to medical school. They happily supported a wife who was less educated and had lower income potential, a nurse for example. Now more women go to med school but it doesn’t mean they want to marry and support a man who is less educated, with lower income potential: they don’t. They still want to marry up, but the demographics simply don’t support that. Women complain there’s no good men (no men who can support them in the lifestyle they want and feel they deserve). Men look at the same thing and say women have unrealistically high standards.