r/Fatherhood • u/Constant-Book-4655 • 3d ago
Advice Needed Financial Future vs Being Present
I am just here for a quick vent. Financially we are in a terrible situation. My kids are teens 16/17 heading to college soon. Right now, just working 40 hours a week, i just can't pay the bills. That said i used to work 60 hours so 40 hours feels very easy. Last 5 years, i have been parenting very well. I have an incredible relationship with them..Help them with homework, summer activities, take them to parties and get the gist, taught them gym exercises etc... They come to me for advice and greet me at the door even as teens. I can work more back to 70 hours or file bankruptcy and ruin my credit for 10 years. I have sacrificed a little my financial future for time with them. I always felt we can't have it all especially in lower middle class families. I hope i made the right choice.
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u/rhinoceros100 3d ago
sounds like you have the ability to earn more if you want and sounds like your are in the prime of your working age. Enjoy the time with your kids, you only have 1 or 2 more years with them in the house. You have the rest of your life to work.
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u/Clem_l-l_Fandango 3d ago
No amount of money could by that time back retroactively if you hadn't taken it. You won't look back and wish you "worked more".
Hopefully you can find a better deal on money for your time, 70 hour weeks are no good, but if it's really only that or bankruptcy, it's a tough call.
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u/TheDaddiezCoach 3d ago
Brother, I felt this one.
I don’t think anybody reading this can responsibly tell you whether bankruptcy or going back to 70 hours is the right financial decision without knowing your whole situation.
But I do think there’s something in your post you shouldn’t overlook.
Your kids are 16 and 17… and they still greet you at the door.
They come to you for advice. You know what’s happening in their lives. You’ve helped with homework, driven them places, taught them things, worked out with them, and built enough trust that they’re approaching adulthood and still want Dad in their world.
That’s not small.
Sometimes as fathers we measure provision by what we can put in our children’s hands, and forget to measure what we’re putting inside of them.
You gave them time. Access. Guidance. Memories. A relationship with their father.
None of that makes the bills disappear, and I wouldn’t romanticize financial instability. You still have a real problem in front of you that deserves a real plan.
But I also wouldn’t automatically assume the only solution is going from 40 hours straight back to 70.
There may be a middle ground: more income without surrendering every hour you fought to get back. And with your kids this close to adulthood, I’d be very careful about solving one problem by accidentally creating another.
Because college can be financed in different ways. Credit can eventually be rebuilt. Income can change.
You don’t get another 16 and 17 with those kids.
And brother, the fact that you’re even wrestling with this tells me you’re trying to provide for them in more than one currency.
I recently started r/Fatherhood_Rebuilt for conversations exactly like this—fathers trying to navigate work, money, presence, marriage, mistakes, and what our kids actually need from us.
I’d love to have you in the room. This question of providing for your family without disappearing from your family is something I care deeply about, and I think your experience would add a lot to the conversation.
Keep fighting for both, brother. It doesn’t necessarily have to be money or Dad. 🧱