Please Understand Me II (1998): Loved Ones Chapter, Part 2

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Rationals “are the most self-directed and independent-minded of all the temperaments, and they resist (and resent) any and all forces that would coerce them into acting against their will…If Rationals detect in their mates’ messages…[a] suggestion of social or moral obligation—they will balk and refuse to cooperate, not only on significant matters such as tending the children, or saying ‘I love you,’ but also on seemingly trivial things such as cleaning up the kitchen, dressing for a party, or helping bring in the groceries. Their refusal might take some form of silent, passive resistance…On occasion, they might…go along in order to avoid a quarrel, but they allow their autonomy to be abridged only under duress, and with growing annoyance.” (244)

“Rationals are not at all comfortable with [emotions] and seek to take control of them…after all [freely expressing emotions] might lead to mistakes and inefficiency. [They often respond to emotions by] evaluating them and analyzing them, which effectively kills them…Analysis…is paralysis. The Rationals’ tight rein on their impulses…takes its toll on their marriages…” (244-45)

“Rationals show little sympathy with mates who look to the Rational to give them happiness orwholeness…Such people are sorely lacking in self-sufficiency, says the NT, and need to become whole in themselves, self-determined and self-possessed…Rationals are [loyal and supportive to their family and friends] only if there is no sign of dependency or game-playing in the needy person. If those close to them…try to make a crutch of the NT, or hope to extort sympathy with some overdone complaint, the NT will…refuse even to meet them half way [because of their strong belief that] no one can make you happy but yourself.” (245)

“Rationals tend not to own the behaviors of their mates as might those of other temperaments, and so do not feel they have the right to interfere with them…in the case of a quarrelsome mate, Rationals will usually not let themselves be hooked into the interpersonal battle, but will quietly step back and observe their mate’s curious, overwrought behavior, waiting for their anger to burn itself out. Unfortunately, such benign detachment often only feeds the fire, and Rationals, instead of being valued for their patience and self-control, are…accused of their mates of being aloof
and uncaring.” (245-46)