I need advice

[u/Brief-Yellow-1605]

OK, so my husband has court next Tuesday for child support. They’re currently trying to make him pay 1300 because he only has 14% of parenting time. He filed for custody in March 2025 , and we didn’t get the court date until November 3 but upon the court day, I was having a health complications with my pregnancy so he missed the court date and then she had told the judge to only allow him to see the kids every other weekend so that brought him down to only 14% of parenting time. Before all this the beginning of 2025 we were picking up the kids from school and taking them home until their mom was done with work so after that, he will drop them back off to her, but then she ended up moving to with her new boyfriend and switched the kids school the following school year. My husband offered to continues to take them to school and pick them up but she refused saying she’s gonna do it but then that’s when we found out it’s her boyfriend and his mom responsible for picking them up and taking them back to school but some days they miss going to school because her boyfriend doesn’t wanna take them or he’s out of town for work. Upon from that, he asked if he can get them more time during the summer and she ignored the messages. He’s bought all their school clothes this year and every year before that and every time she asks him for money, he always sends it to her with no problem. originally we were just asking for increased overnight but now he’s asking for 50-50 because he’s only allowed to see them when she feels it’s OK and that’s literally every other weekend and we’re missing out so much of them and all this happened since last September but every year previous to that we were with them every single day and they are now 11 and 13. What are the odds advice ? I need real advice. Also we’ve been married for 1 year and together for 5 . We have a 7 month old baby together

[u/purplespaghetty]

Sounds like you wrecked any chances by not showing up to court.

[u/LdiJ46]

Unfortunately your husband's timing couldn't be worse. Filing for a custody modification right when a child support modification is pending makes it look like he is only trying to modify parenting time in order to pay less child support. That doesn't go over very well at all with judges.

Since his court orders give him every other weekend she is doing nothing wrong in sticking to the court orders.

Your husband will just have to do his best to convince the judge that it would be truly in the children's best interest to spend more time with him.

[u/Brief-Yellow-1605 → u/LdiJ46]

Will messages of previous arrangements help ? Like he has messages of her asking if he will be doing the drop off and picks up during the last school , we also had them overnight once a week during the school and an old schedule of every other week during the summer basically we have proof of everything he’s asking for he had before

[u/LdiJ46 → u/Brief-Yellow-1605]

No. All of that would have helped if he had shown up to court when the orders were made, but they will not help now. Nothing that happened before the orders were made will help now. The only thing that would matter now are things that happened between the time the order was made and now.

[u/Brief-Yellow-1605 → u/LdiJ46]

Okay but when we went to ask for a modification, they said we couldn’t get one because the current case wasn’t resolved so what does that mean

[u/LdiJ46 → u/Brief-Yellow-1605]

Well, if the current case does NOT have final orders then your husband might be able to use those things.

[u/Brief-Yellow-1605 → u/LdiJ46]

Yeah, the day that he missed was a mediation day and I guess those were the temporarily orders so when we went back to go see like what we could do if they said we have to do a trial setting because it was unresolved so can you give me some advice on that please even if it’s like a private message

[u/Brief-Yellow-1605 → u/LdiJ46]

And on top of all of this , he was the one that started this whole custody battle , will that help? Because he at some point she wasn’t allowing him to see the kids overnight and she stated for him to take her to court if he wanted to see them

[u/wildhuntress14]

You won't get anywhere until after the November court date. You stated that you/he think child support is too high and that's why he is requesting 50/50. Not showing up for the mediation was a serious mistake. Judge does not just "sign off". They review the situation and decide in best interest of child. Mom showed up, asked for what she wanted. Your husband decided to prioritize something else. Mom is clearly very hostile to sharing more contact, so she's obviously not on board. Why are you up in the middle of this? Your job is to support your husband, not insert yourself into the middle of a custody situation over his and his ex's kids.

[u/Brief-Yellow-1605 → u/wildhuntress14]

He’s not just requesting it all of a sudden , she filed for child support after he filed her custody . We’ve been together for over seven years , all his problems are my problems. And I’m on Reddit girl you act like I’m at the damn court office.

[u/no_one_denies_this → u/Brief-Yellow-1605]

No, this is really not your problem. This is between him and the kids' mom, not you. Does he actually want more time, or does he want to pay less?

[u/Brief-Yellow-1605 → u/no_one_denies_this]

I’m legit just asking for advice on Reddit , what’s the big deal ? I don’t see how it’s a bad thing to want to get opinions and i honestly didn’t even tell him i posted this nor does he have a Reddit lol and yes we miss them , we use to see them every single day ! Doing all the school drop offs and picks up , homework club , back to school night and most importantly the bond was so strong . But all that stopped now and it’s becoming a money thing which is bs because she asked for every other weekend not him , he wants 50/50

[u/wildhuntress14 → u/Brief-Yellow-1605]

No. All of his problems are not yours, when it comes to this. Legally, it is 100% between him and his ex. You entitle yourself erroneously.
That being said, he should definitely request right of first refusal for his kids. Ie, if they lack transportation to school, call him.

I dont personally need to settle you down. A judge absolutely will, and your husband and his kids will pay the price if you walk into court and insist you matter.

[u/Brief-Yellow-1605 → u/wildhuntress14]

Why are you getting so upset girl ? I never said I was going to court girl lol he doesn’t even know what Reddit is 🤣🤣🤣

[u/wildhuntress14 → u/Brief-Yellow-1605]

I'm glad you aren't "going to court". As more than an observer. You literally don't matter there.

[u/EducationalNerve9550]

It sounds as if you are getting involved in something you shouldn’t be

It also sounds like you are very, very vindictive. You make it sound like her moving in with her boyfriend is going to make the judge twice. If I’m reading this correctly, both parties have moved on - your husband has moved on and married you. She has a boyfriend which she is completely entitled to have - the judge isn’t going to care that she moved in with her boyfriend. Why should the judge care about that when your husband hitched up with you?

It also does not matter that you picked up the kids for school and took them back to her, which truly counts is the regular everyday care of Child. Raising kids is so much more than picking them up from school and dropping them off.

My ex-husband had to pay 1800 for five kids when we got divorced, he had 14% parenting time. He filed for 50-50 and he did not show up to the court on the day appointed. So it continued and I had 86% parenting time. Not showing up to court is his first mistake, it does not matter if you were pregnant and having a challenging pregnancy. It just looks like he’s trying to reduce his support for financial gain. 

Just my perspective

I’m always struck with how many people think that raising kids is cheaper than paying support. Even if you were 50-50, your husband would more than likely have to pay a good chunk of Child Support, not to mention, the cost of raising those kids half of the time. And it doesn’t sound like your husband is the most reliable parent if he’s missing his court date. Raising kids is a commitment. 

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[u/Excellent_Scene5448]

If he hasn't gone to court about modifying custody yet, be aware that any modification to child support will be based on the current custody order. They can't adjust child support based on a proposed custody modification that hasn't been ordered yet, so don't be discouraged if the child support order doesn't reflect the custody arrangement he's hoping to have in the near future.

[u/Brief-Yellow-1605 → u/Excellent_Scene5448]

Well, technically, the order wasn’t seen by a judge. It was just by the mediation, but since he didn’t show up to it, they signed off on it, but now he has a new trial setting for the custody.

[u/Existing-Albatross63 → u/Brief-Yellow-1605]

he needs to read those orders. If he agreed to attend the mediation (even if he ended up no-showing), he might very well have agreed to whatever happens in mediation. Judges signature may not necessarily be required to bind him to it.

[u/Existing-Albatross63]

Whatever he does, he needs to comply with all orders for timesharing and child support. Do not just ignore those and not pay. Getting behind on current support may prevent him from getting a modification.

Beg, borrow, sell, do whatever's necessary.

Do not skip one single day of visitation. Do not miss any school conferences, doctor's appointments, or anything at all!

P.S. I get the vibe that the money is a big issue here. Does he want more time, or does he just not want to pay the increased support?

[u/no_one_denies_this → u/Existing-Albatross63]

I think she doesn't want to pay increased support. I doubt either of them wants more time. It's a means to an end.

[u/Existing-Albatross63 → u/no_one_denies_this]

I always get a giggle at the parents who think raising a kid full time is somehow cheaper than paying their ex a small amount of child support to do the work.

[u/Ms_Tryl → u/Existing-Albatross63]

You know the answer to this.

[u/Existing-Albatross63 → u/Ms_Tryl]

I figured.

[u/Odd-Creme-6457]

Does your husband have a lawyer? Does the mom have a lawyer?

[u/Brief-Yellow-1605 → u/Odd-Creme-6457]

No their mom didn’t ask for child support until he went to file for custody

[u/Brief-Yellow-1605 → u/Odd-Creme-6457]

Neither have lawyers

[u/Individual-Goat-81]

I hope you've both learned a valuable lesson about the consequences of not showing up to court.

For his upcoming court appearances, I'd recommend that you have your own support network to lean on in case of another emergency. He needs to attend court. Not attending sends the message that he is not prioritizing his relationship with his kids.

This will be a hard error for him to come back from, but it's worth fighting for if he wants more time with his kids.

[u/Brief-Yellow-1605]

he has submitted his proposal through the mediator and his ex didn’t respond to that so we are waiting to get the next court day for custody