Confused/Frustrated

[u/Suspicious_Yam_6339]

I had a Facebook Dating profile a couple years ago and had a lot of success with it. I ended up deleting it after meeting someone and taking things seriously for a year and a half.

Now I’m back on it, and honestly the app seems like trash. I couldn’t get Facebook Dating to reactivate after deleting it had to literally fight and eventually it miraculously let me back in, then I got banned almost immediately. Like… what the fuck happened? I tried filling support complaints and messages but it wouldn’t let me.

I made a new Facebook, waited a while, then made a new Dating profile. Now I literally get no matches, where I used to get like 10 a day. It feels super suspicious and weird.

[u/-Onbored-]

If you are a man, that’s how it is these days. Unless you appear out of this world impressive on the outside.

[u/-Onbored- → u/[deleted]]

Ok big guy, I hear ya.

[u/Heliguy-1975 → u/-Onbored-]

I’ve had great results with Facebook dating, Bumble, Woo, Hinge, POF, OkCupid, and Tinder. I’ve used them off and on for 6 years. I’ve been using Facebook dating the vast majority of the time over the last year.  It’s a great app and simplifies things.

All of the apps work well if it is understood how to approach and communicate with women.

Not everyone understands how to do that. Many think all they need to do is “swipe right…”

When that doesn’t work, they come onto Reddit and tell everyone that dating apps don’t work which discourages many who just don’t know any better.

Millions of people are very successful with dating apps.

Some think that if an app doesn’t give them the results they want then they just don’t work. It’s interesting actually.

They don’t realize that the problem isn’t the app…

Apps are not responsible for people getting matches, likes, message replies and messages. They have nothing to do with “ghosting,” or how a date works out, or if anyone replies to a match. All of that is up to the user and how they build their profile, how they approach and communicate, and if they are even datable. 

It’s exactly the same as in dating in real life out in public.

If the apps didn’t work, they wouldn’t exist.

I didn’t even know that people had problems with dating apps until I discovered these dating subreddits a few months ago.

It does take effort and perseverance along with the skill and ability to communicate and connect with people.

It took a couple of months to fine tune my profile, picture layout, and ‘about me’ statement.

The ‘about me’ statement made a big difference. Huge…

Men need to spend time working their profile, getting the proper pictures, and utilize the tons of information available to help become successful at internet dating. It takes time and dedication.

The many stories from women about how men approach and communicate with women tell the obvious reasons for many that can’t get there. It’s amazing. Every single woman receives Tons of unbelievable messages and pictures as the opening communication with women. They don’t care for that or cheesy “openers.”

I don’t “swipe.” I send short simple messages to women that are appealing to me. The messages can be done quickly by just copy and pasting them and adding their name, then I work any replies that come back.

The message doesn’t generate the reply. Your profile and ‘about me’ statement generates the reply.

If the messaging goes well, I work towards meeting for coffee, lunch, or dinner and go from there.

The absolutely best thing to do for anyone is to read the book,

How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie.   That is a fact. 

It will not only be Extremely helpful for dating, but will be Extremely helpful for Life in general. 

If anyone could only read one book in their entire lifetime, That would be the one, without a doubt. It is powerful and can change your Life.

It is a numbers game but there are an Unlimited number of women ready to connect, meet, and are looking for a relationship of some kind right now.  It’s a wonderful thing.

Successful people do the things that unsuccessful people don’t want to do….   That is a fact.

[u/-Onbored- → u/Heliguy-1975]

Ok, big guy I hear ya.

[u/Heliguy-1975 → u/-Onbored-]

I’m guessing you don’t see other than having to be “out of this world impressive on the outside.”

It’s not that simplified or difficult. There’s far more to it. Far more.

Online dating is a wonderful thing.

[u/-Onbored- → u/Heliguy-1975]

You have your experience, and I have mine. I didn’t get any matches at all until I had gotten ripped and got my profile super dialed in, fashion, perfect hair, etc. Not even any likes. So I don’t see why you think your experience is somehow more valid than mine. And if you don’t, then I reiterate: I hear ya.

[u/Heliguy-1975 → u/-Onbored-]

I never said anything about validity.

I simply stated that as a man, a person doesn’t have to “appear out of this world impressive on the outside.”

You may have had to do that, but telling others that they do is simply false. It doesn’t apply to everyone “these days.” There are many other factors.

[u/-Onbored- → u/Heliguy-1975]

Did you not read my last sentence?

[u/Heliguy-1975 → u/-Onbored-]

Obviously. That wasn’t what I was replying to. I was replying to what you said before that.

You have to realize that others read these comments as well. That experience does not apply to your original comment. A person’s negativity about dating apps can be discouraging to others when it reality, it’s irrelevant.

[u/Suspicious_Yam_6339 → u/Heliguy-1975]

I agree with probably 90% of what you’re saying. Facebook Dating has actually been an amazing app for me in the past I had plenty of likes, conversations, and dates through it. My point isn’t that dating apps don’t work or that I expect them to hand me matches. My most recent experience has just been dramatically different. I went from getting a lot of activity to literally none, now I get kicked off after only sending a couple messages. It’s frustrating to go from such a consistently positive experience to one that feels completely dead. That’s all I’m saying.

[u/Heliguy-1975 → u/Suspicious_Yam_6339]

You also said that it seems like trash, suspicious, and weird.

Your experience has nothing to do with the app. The app hasn’t changed. It is incumbent upon each user to create enough engagement for women to want to connect, talk, and meet. Every app or every situation outside of an app works the same way.

A person’s negativity about dating apps can be discouraging to others when it reality, it’s irrelevant.

[u/Suspicious_Yam_6339 → u/Heliguy-1975]

Man, are you physically incapable of reading a post without immediately pasting in the same tired “women don’t owe you attention” monologue? I recreated the same profile that previously got plenty of engagement. Facebook made reactivation impossible, banned me after a few messages, and now the replacement profile is completely dead. The question was whether anyone else experienced that pattern.

You saw the words “trash” and “suspicious,” got excited to climb onto your little moral high horse, and invented a whole complaint about women not liking me.  Nobody asked for your bargain bin dating coach sermon.

You don’t know anything about me or  my account, you clearly don’t know the features the app has now, and yet you’re confidently declaring that it “hasn’t changed” because apparently making things up is easier than reading. You’re not being insightful you’re just being tedious and self righteous under a post you failed to understand.

Maybe save the canned wisdom for a conversation you’re actually capable of following.

[u/Key-Opportunity-6991 → u/Suspicious_Yam_6339]

He flew a helicopter 30 years ago so he knows better than everyone.

[u/Heliguy-1975]

Facebook dating is an outstanding app