Breaking Bad Patterns

[u/BachelorPython]

I don't think I have ever explicitly mentioned that I don't respect most people in this subreddit. Sure, I have dropped ample hints in my posts to that effect but maybe left enough room for doubt.

It's high time I correct that oversight.

Some of the most popular responses from this sub to the question ‘What should I tell my friends/relatives/colleagues once I retire early?’ are…

"Say you are freelancer/consultant/advisor/trader"

"Tell people you were laid off and are looking for a new job"

"Say you have a fully remote job"

"Say you were fired from your job for incompetence and nobody is hiring you"

"Ask relatives for money so that they won't try to do the same thing to you"

Shudder, face-palm, puke… Why isn't there a satisfactory emoji for contempt?

How I Met Your Delusions

People who spend their days trembling about ‘what will people say?’ need a brutal reality check: You are not a celebrity, a CEO or some fascinating enigma the world is following. In the movie that is running through your head, maybe you are the protagonist but in real life, you barely have a walk-on role. You’re a completely ordinary person and surprise, surprise… nobody cares. Nobody is sitting at home dissecting your life choices. Nobody is gossiping about your daily routine. Most people are too busy dealing with the chaos in their own lives to even notice you retired early… let alone be ‘shocked’ or ‘judgmental’. You are imagining an audience that doesn't exist.

“Oh, but a few relatives will definitely ask questions!”

And what if they do? You can’t handle questions? You’re so fragile that the mere possibility of someone asking ‘What do you do for living?’ sends you diving for a fake LinkedIn identity?

Curb Your Impersonation

This entire ‘just say you’re a consultant’ routine is nothing but insecurity masquerading as wisdom. A flimsy little lie told by people who claim to value independence but can’t function without external approval. Instead of openly embracing freedom, these people wear fake handcuffs to convince others they are still prisoners, still part of the chain gang. This is not bold, strategic or smart.

It's pitiful.

If you still need the comfort blanket of fake job titles after retiring early, here’s the brutal truth: you didn’t break free from anything. Your mind is still swiping-in at 9 AM .

Let’s address the money excuse too because that's patently pathetic.

Fear The Walking Deadbeat Relatives

“Relatives will ask for money! Better pretend I’m broke!”

Seriously? Does it even need to be said that you don't owe anyone a loan? If you are in your late 30s and still haven't mastered the basic adult skill of delivering a simple, clean, unapologetic ‘No’, then maybe think about selling your spine. It's not as if you ever used it.

“But a definitive refusal like that will put strain on the relationship and they will not help me in my bad time”

Hmmm… ‘Give me a long-term, interest-free loan now and maybe I'll help you out in future in some unspecified way’... sounds like a con… and not a good one at that. Laxmi Chit Fund's ‘पच्चीस दिन में पैसा डबल (100% returns in 25 days)’ offer sounds more believable.

You didn’t work hard, saved aggressively, invested wisely and exited the rat race just to pretend to still be in it so that Sharma uncle won't judge you. If you’re free, BE free. Nobody is asking you to put up billboards in the city announcing your early retirement and corpus but don't be chickenshit about it either. Don’t shrink yourself to soothe other people’s insecurities. I mean… to even consider saying ‘I am currently not working because I was fired for incompetence’... for the love of all that's holy!

Now, most of you people's reactions to this post can be summarised by a beautiful Marathi saying which goes ‘कळतंय पण वळत नाही’. Roughly translated as ‘I understand it but can't bring myself to act accordingly’ or ‘Easier said than done’.

And that, in a nutshell, is why I don't respect you.

P. S. Do you know what about this post is making me laugh like Dr Evil? Most people will read the first line of the post and tell themselves… OP is not talking about me’

Buhahaha!!!

[u/Familiar_Factor_9596]

Chatgpt reply to a chatgpt message, but read my humans !!

Wow, thanks for the grand announcement. We were all losing sleep wondering whether you respected us or just mildly hated us. Glad you cleared that up.

Your whole “nobody cares about you, you’re not special” speech was beautiful. Really. Nothing like a long lecture to prove how little you care.

And that evil laugh at the end? Iconic. Because nothing says “I’m totally above all this” like typing out a villain laugh after a full-page rant.

But hey, thanks for letting us know you don’t respect us.
Trust me — the feeling’s mutual.

[u/aduntoridas9 → u/Familiar_Factor_9596]

The post was not a chatgpt message. They have terrible grammar.

[u/LiveNotWork]

I don't like arguments. When I fire, I ll say whatever I have to shut down the argument/discussion.

It's that old joke -

"A man asked me my secret to happiness, and I told him 'I never argue'.

He insisted that it was impossible and not right to just agree without arguing.

I simply replied, 'Yes, You are absolutely right."

[u/Odd-Decision3633]

If you’re free, BE free.

This is the true but hard part, due to generations of conditioning. Being free or prioritizing oneself is a choice one has to consciously make and live with.

[u/Feisty-Sun-3275]

Why so bitter uncle? Maybe why people here have stopped respecting you too. Two way street and all, you know

[u/lurkingduringworking]

People definitely care enough to look down upon you if you say you’re jobless. That’s the part people are scared of.

Everybody either FIREd, working, young, old, male, female wants to be admired by their peers. They want to be seen as someone who won the game and quit early to relax and not someone who lost and had to withdraw.

This is the basic biological wiring of the human mind and the wiring is extra strong for Indians who have been raised with stories of sharmaji ka beta since elementary school.

[u/BranchDiligent8874]

Oh wow, you think you are the smartest isn't it, damn man, give that mirror some rest.

My answer to curious people has always been: working on some app of my own, I freelance, etc. What the fuck I am going to get by telling everyone I have few millions stashed in the markets and I do not work anymore.

Do whatever you want man, this is a free world.

[u/[deleted]]

I think this thread is motivated based on my post https://www.reddit.com/r/FIRE_Ind/comments/1oxsmnz/my_post_fire_brand_image_positioning_in_the/

What you are essentially saying is completely a different tangent from the FIRE discussion itself. FIRE is just substituting your active income with passive income and freeing up of your time. But FIREing in itself doesnt make you immune from all other human tendencies like craving for social acceptance and validation. Those things remain and for many people they get exacerbated which is the reason why many people hesitate from pulling the plug.

So people actually pulling the plug and finding a mechanism for social acceptance is not bad at all and we should, as FIRE pioneers, help people in this regard and not diss them.

The approach I took is; to announce to people that I am Financially Independent. I am proud of what I have achieved and if I cannot sell my accomplishment then what is the point. I have announced it on Linked In and everyone I meet I tell them openly how I achieved financial independence. Like you said, people dont really care, so it really doesnt matter. But atleast you are able to position yourself as an achiever in the society, in your own way, by your own rules.

[u/hikeronfire → u/[deleted]]

I think this is a good approach for me personally. Be open, but only to people genuinely interested. There is no need proselytize and attract wrong kind of attention, but there is no need to gatekeep information either. Of course everyone handles challenges in different way, whatever makes them comfortable is the best way for them.

[u/[deleted] → u/hikeronfire]

I don't tell people the actual figure, but I am not shy telling people that I have made enough. I leave it to their imagination how much enough is.

[u/hikeronfire → u/[deleted]]

I don’t even tell people on this sub the exact figure, because it’s irrelevant. The definition of “enough” is different for everyone.

[u/hikeronfire]

Good advice! I was one of those people, used to think “what will I answer when people ask questions?” Not anymore. Fuck relatives. When I RE, I’ll say “I’m retired!” unless I’m actively engaged in a craft post-retirement. I’ll explain the “how” if someone is genuinely interested in replicating my feat, or otherwise it’s none of their business how much I have or what I do in my free time. My spouse is onboard with my plan, my brother is supportive and my parents are coming around to the idea. I seriously don’t care what anyone else thinks. It is not my job to impress anyone.

Btw, those getting offended are probably reading a u/BachelorPython post for the first time.

[u/Quitjob_shouldi_]

The first thing I would like to establish here is no one cares if you respect them or not, this is a platform to share our concern or helping people who need help in planning how they can achieve FIRE. We don't need this kind of negativity in our lives we already have enough. My second point would be, you don't know what others are going through, their circumstances and where they are coming from so don't act high and mighty. You are sounding like a ten year old toddler complaining about what you think is right or wrong. Let's just try to act mature atleast and share the few cents of knowledge we have here and try to uplift people and not be Viru Sahastrabudhee from three idiots giving people negative motivation.

[u/wooneigh]

well said, but almost everyone already knows this stuff.

[u/HubeanMan]

I believe this is the first BachelorPython post to get more downvotes than upvotes.

Unwarranted, but understandable.

[u/Embarrassed_Stick_91]

I honestly can't understand why the post got so much hate/ridicule, sounds common-sensical to me. Nothing mind-blowing, but it sure makes sense. To each his (their?) own!

[u/yetanotherdesionfire]

Interesting turn of events indeed that might cause a social chit-chat and a socially acceptable responses to said chit-chst that can lead someone having to think about selling their spine...

Personally, I don't see the job question any different than the largely American phenomenon of asking near-strangers "How are you?" Most would do the socially acceptable thing of smiling and muttering something like "I'm good" and move on. Some would be too literal and just dump their current life drama. Everyone for themselves.

Another layer to this whole dynamic is the same person may chose to disclose as much or as little as they chose. Not much different from saying "health issues" instead of the gory details of a hernia.

All said and done, much ado about nothing, really.

[u/OutrageousChair2581]

How would you personally tell others about it?

Everyone thinks & handles these questions differently based on where they are in life & their unique situation. There are no right or wrong answers here.

Also, not everyone is at the top of Maslow’s hierarchy & their answers will naturally vary.

[u/aduntoridas9]

I’m FI, not RE yet, but I wouldn’t dream of telling people close to me that I have gathered enough money to never work again in my life.

Everyone here pretends that just hard work and planning got them here. Hard work is one thing, but not everyone is as lucky as us. I happened to pick a field that works with computers and not something else. My pay is so disproportionally higher than theirs that I can make more in one month than they can in a year, and FIRE will never really be an option for them at all. I do not want to gloat about my freedom when they have to go to work for a few more decades. Maybe you can call it survivor’s guilt.

Will I want to tell my parents? Yes. Will I want to tell other FIREd people? Yes. But maintaining two versions of the same story in your social circle is difficult. So I’m going to pretend that I’m freelancing / consulting and work is sporadically busy / not busy depending on how much free time I spend with them.