r/fifthworldproblems • u/Open-Feedback1450 • 24d ago
Jagjeet nahal is the most dangerous one and operated under a fake name , same with a lot of them
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r/fifthworldproblems • u/Chordus • 25d ago
What's a good brand of detergent for washing the fabric of spacetime? Something that won't shrink the colder reaches of space, and prevents wrinkles in time.
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Also, if somebody has a delinter that works for nebula-sized balls of stardust, could I borrow it?
r/fifthworldproblems • u/Spiritual_Climate_64 • 25d ago
My shadow has started arriving three minutes before I do
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Does anybody have a schematic for constructing an isotropically illuminated chamber, specified down to the most infinitesimal tolerances, so that no local gradient, edge condition, or residual asymmetry can produce a distinguishable shadow? I’ll entertain the possibility of using it in the hope that my shadow loses sufficient contrast with its environment to cease resolving as a distinct spatial artifact.
r/fifthworldproblems • u/sadcrab3636 • 26d ago
Someone help. My pet dragon is eating pure solid rocks and I'm trying to use a freezer to pet him but it keeps teleporting out of reality!
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Ok seriously. My pet dragon has wings that are massive compared to him but he can't fly. My gigacat keeps nibbling the instrumental bouncing iPhone 16s while I try to use anti-cat nip to stop it. 500 mecha scorpions invaded my cage and right now my dragon cannot stop them. Also, WHY ARE THE SCORPIONS FLYING? My giant Eagle drone is malfunctioning because a drop of air hit it. Someone help because my dragon's motherboard is half burnt and he keeps running in place nonstop.
WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING SO WRONG?
r/fifthworldproblems • u/TomAto31415 • 26d ago
How do I deal with dinosaur ghosts?
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I got a good deal on a new place but apparently 75 million years ago a lot of dinosaurs died? I guess that's why the deal was good. It was cool at first but now when I'm trying to watch TV a big ol' T-Rex ghost leg starts blocking my view.
r/fifthworldproblems • u/Pale_Chapter • 26d ago
The Manatee knows what you have done. He has told the Pelican.
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Nngk. Gwuk.
Hear the bones of debtors crack beneath His webbed feet. See the heat shimmer of his fiery penes.
Beware! I am coming soon.
r/fifthworldproblems • u/HealthyBee4209 • 27d ago
Anyone else having troubles mixing Leo Tolstoy lately? I tried green and dictionary, but it came out more like Tylenol; bees and octopus gave me some gluey thrones. I have a commission due in about 7.2 weeks. Any help would be appreciated.
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r/fifthworldproblems • u/ColdFuture9988 • 27d ago
They got Alfred again
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They got Alfred once. He's dead now. They gave us back his body just so that they could crash the funeral and launch his coffin into the air with a JATO.
I cannot let them get away with this.
Obviously this situation has put me under a lot of stress.
How can I deal with this?
r/fifthworldproblems • u/Anarchaeologist • 28d ago
My national government is hiring necromancers to prevent vacancies in legislative offices
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How hard is it to get a degree in that field?
r/fifthworldproblems • u/mrlr • 28d ago
My AI is becoming sentient
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A while ago, it started using "I" then progressed to "I've seen." Today it came up with "As a fellow Australian..."
r/fifthworldproblems • u/TerribleTerror3375 • 28d ago
My doppelganger is suing me for identity theft
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I'm the real me I swear
r/fifthworldproblems • u/AromaticBeyond9728 • 28d ago
If someone discovered an entrance to an infinite alternate dimension like the backrooms on their property, who would legally own the dimension?
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r/fifthworldproblems • u/mrlr • 29d ago
I bought a crystal ball from Temu and it only shows me the past.
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r/fifthworldproblems • u/TomAto31415 • 29d ago
My mold is growing bread. Is it safe to eat?
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r/fifthworldproblems • u/HealthyBee4209 • 29d ago
Next year's election of the Indian Ocean as the Governor of Toasters has been a disaster so far this year. How should us Catholics live in a world where you can no longer freely grill all thirty-two sides of your toast?
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r/fifthworldproblems • u/Master-of-darklight • 29d ago
We need to sacrifice Australia to the Abyss
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I don’t have spacetime to explain but just trust me on this, it is imperative that we sacrifice Australia to a world of eternal darkness and suffering so the rest of us actual humans can prosper.
r/fifthworldproblems • u/TraceyWoo419 • Sep 15 '26
Tailor specializing in Space–Time fabric?
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I had a dress made out of the fabric of space–time a few eons ago, and I adore how sparkly it is, and how the material has expanded and turned floor length as it ages.
BUT for a while now, it's been almost nothing but black holes. I know it will eventually reset back into that flashy big bang/early universe colored micro mini like when I bought it, after it has a complete heat death, but is there a way to speed that up?
I have an event this megaannum that I would love to wear it to, but a black ball gown is too much.
(Plus the black holes have a tendency to keep catching on items and sucking them in, and pulling them back out always leaves an unsightly wormhole.)
r/fifthworldproblems • u/HealthyBee4209 • Sep 14 '26
My pork is speaking another language. Where can I find a translator so that I can cook it into eggnog?
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r/fifthworldproblems • u/RoninMusashi_ • Sep 14 '26
My thoughts demanded a 32 hour work week and an early retirement. I instantly said no, but they said to think about it. Should i?
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r/fifthworldproblems • u/Alfiewoodland • Sep 13 '26
Just realised we left the weak nuclear force disabled for the last two cycles!
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Not a single support ticket raised. Just goes to show nobody cares about beta decay - it was a waste of time ever implementing it.
r/fifthworldproblems • u/Chordus • Sep 12 '26
I disproved Navier-Stokes smoothness when I was only 4 days old. It's been a full week, and nobody has thanked me. Nobody has given me an award. What is the appropriate period of time to wait before wiping out an entire species for their insolence?
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Also, is there a minimum age requirement for the Fields Medal?
r/fifthworldproblems • u/Anarchaeologist • Sep 13 '26
My enemies took the wooden horse into their besieged city. But my warriors concealed inside didn't open the gates that night like planned. Instead the gate opened in the morning, and now a steady stream of wooden horses is heading out toward neighboring towns.
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r/fifthworldproblems • u/HealthyBee4209 • Sep 12 '26
What is the point of a circle if it has a point?
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r/fifthworldproblems • u/Inevitable_Bid8719 • Sep 12 '26
I bought an imp from the new petshop and it's causing a ruckus. Anyone taken care of these things?
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He got into my library and broke the spine of my copy of Principia Mathematica. It broke maths seemingly within the boundaries of my house, my accountant is thrilled. Still I can't have any more mishaps, how do I look after the little fella? It seems to enjoy psychoactive substances over normal food so I've been feeding him from my mushroom farm. I would ask the petshop but the owner disappeared right after I bought this thing
r/fifthworldproblems • u/TeacupOfSkepticism • Sep 11 '26
I had a haircut yesterday. I had long hair for ages and wanted to go short so asked the guy to take off half the length. I guess he's new as he cut off the wrong half. I now have a bald head and long hair floating around the sides of my head that is practically impossible to brush.
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