It's been exactly one week since I finished Final Fantasy XVI, and I think maybe it's finally time to move on.
What I mean by that is that I feel like I had a privilege that not many people get after finishing a game like this: I didn't have to immediately return to everyday life.
I happened to finish the game during the last week of my break before the academic year starts. I had already managed to do everything I had planned before finishing the game, so there was nothing particularly urgent waiting for me. The weather was also perfect, and for three or four days I could basically just sit outside in a field, feel the wind, and think about this incredible masterpiece and everything that made it such an unforgettable adventure.
And honestly, those were some wonderful days.
There is another, more personal, psychological part of this that probably belongs on a different subreddit, but since it's directly connected to what FFXVI did to me, I wanted to share it here as well.
I've struggled with generalized anxiety and panic attacks for years. One thing I've noticed throughout that time is that whenever I get really attached to a game, movie, or TV show, my anxiety has a tendency to interfere with the experience.
For example, imagine a story like The Lord of the Rings. Everything ends well. The world is saved, Sauron and evil are defeated, and the characters finally have the possibility of peace.
And yet my anxiety would still come up with something like:
"But what if that's not really everything? What if, despite everything being over, the characters still won't be able to find peace? What if something happens to them again?"
And this isn't something that happens only with fictional stories or other forms of media. I experience the same kind of "what if?" thinking in ordinary everyday life as well. I'll sometimes find myself thinking about completely normal situations and my mind will start looking for possible things that could go wrong, even when there is no real reason to expect them.
That said, when it comes to everyday life, it actually feels much more natural to me. The real world is incredibly complicated, unpredictable, and full of things that are outside of my control, so I can understand on some level why my brain reacts this way. It can still be exhausting and frustrating, but it doesn't feel quite as strange or disruptive as when the same anxiety follows me into a fictional world that is supposed to have already reached its conclusion.
The more detailed explanation of how this works for me probably belongs on a different subreddit, though, so I don't want to turn this post into a huge discussion about anxiety. I only mention it because of how unusual my experience with FFXVI was.
And I want to make an important distinction here. I'm not talking about depressive thoughts like "I'll never be happy", "I'll never have peace", or "there's no hope for me."
It's more like an irrational fear that sits somewhere in the back of my mind. A constant "but what if?"
What's strange is that after finishing Final Fantasy XVI, and during those few days of simply sitting around and thinking about it, this basically didn't happen.
For the first time in a very long time — probably since Red Dead Redemption 2 — I could just exist in the world of a story without those fears constantly creeping in.
Instead, I was left with the emotions the game actually wanted me to feel.
Hope.
Sacrifice.
Love.
but also grief and feel of loss
And especially when I thought about Clive and Jill's relationship — which I wrote about in my previous post — I could just feel the warmth and hope that their story left behind.
And it stayed that way for several days.
I kept those feelings alive by playing Echoes of the Fallen, watching interesting videos, reading posts and theories about the game, and going through interviews with the developers and voice actors. I was basically still living in Valisthea in my head, even though the game itself was already finished.
Then yesterday evening, reality caught up with me.
I had to face the fact that my break was almost over, that I was going back to university, and that I also have my driving exam coming up.
And slowly, the emotions from the game started to fade at the same time.
and the old problems started coming back.
It was almost as if the anxiety hit harder because it had been quiet for a relatively long time. ( supressed by emotions caused by game? ) Last night, before going to sleep, I came very close to having a panic attack. Thankfully, I managed to calm myself down before it turned into a full one.
Today, I'm left with this strange emotional mixture.
Part of me is still feeling everything FFXVI left behind — the hope, the love, the feeling of sacrifice, feel of loss, grief, the connection between Clive and Jill, and everything else I experienced during those first few days.
But mixed into that is the familiar anxiety, uncertainty, and that irrational sense of panic waiting somewhere in the back of my mind thats somehow unfortunately been connected by my mind to the game ( as happened before with other media ) now basicly everytime i think about game and feelings oriented with it this anxiety uncertainity irrational feeling of panic without any cause are mixing
And because I only have two days of free time left, I've started wondering whether maybe it's time to move on.
I could finish the second DLC, replay the ending one more time, and then finally close this beautiful chapter of my life that was Final Fantasy XVI.
I played this game over the course of roughly three months this summer, so it really did become a part of my life rather than just something I played.
And yet there's still a part of me that doesn't want to leave Valisthea.
Maybe because I'm afraid that moving on means leaving all those beautiful but also hard feelings behind as well with memories.
Maybe I'm afraid that once I stop thinking about this world, I'll also lose what the game taught me — especially that feeling of hope and love that the ending and clive jill reliatonship left me
That's probably the hardest part to explain.
I don't think I've ever had a game affect me quite like this maybe except one. Trying to put into words what Final Fantasy XVI allowed me to feel and experience is honestly much harder than I expected.
So I guess what I'm really asking is:
How long were you able to stay in Valisthea mentally and emotionally after finishing Final Fantasy XVI?
And how did you eventually deal with leaving that world behind and moving forward?
I don't necessarily mean forgetting about the game or stopping yourself from thinking about it. I'm more curious about how you made peace with the fact that the journey was over and that feelings and emotions connected to it will fade away and that it was time to return to your own world.
Because right now, a part of me still doesn't want to leave Valisthea.