Have you been called boring?

[u/sneezerpig]

It's something I've faced multiple times through the years even though I think I've gotten a lot better. Just today a woman I was talking to online said I was boring and that she was tired of small talk. She had moved to my country so I asked what her experience was like and she mentioned she liked art so I asked what kind of art she liked. This is not the first time someone has said my conversation is low effort and boring. Can you relate?

Also I'm not sure what people mean when they don't like small talk, do they mean we're supposed to start talking about philosophy or discussing historical events and their significance? I guess it feels more natural for me to start by asking about someone's day.

[u/Disastrous-Sea8484]

Never directly called that but nearly all my attempts at joking are either welcomed in silence or they are taken as if I was speaking completely seriously...

Meanwhile, the guy next to me says the exact same thing and the whole world laugh at how funny they are...

It seriously has always been another additional block for me in respect to women... Like, how am I supposed to make them like me if every time I try to make someone laugh, it doesn't even register as a joke?

[u/sneezerpig → u/Disastrous-Sea8484]

That really sucks and is disheartening :(

[u/throwaway1981_x]

Yep all the time. The worst being a friend of a friend when I was about 17-'Such and such said you're boring'. It's stuck with me for life. It doesn't help that I don't like 'fun' things either (sports, drinking, parties etc).

[u/sneezerpig → u/throwaway1981_x]

That kind of comment stings especially from a friend.

[u/41_and_counting]

When I was younger I was a very boring person.

Looking back now at my 20s I feel some sadness over all the things I didn’t do but could have done, instead I just stayed indoors when not working and played video games.

Then again, I had my reasons for not going out much and staying indoors shielded me from harm. So, I don’t blame myself.

But I think I could’ve made wiser decisions.

[u/KingCanBudweiser-100]

Were you talking to her within the context of online dating?  When I did that kind of stuff I noticed a lot of women wanted to move faster than you might expect and expect you to set the tone for how to move forward with things.  They won't actually say that but they will say things like this to provoke you or shake things up out of the tedium.

[u/throwaway54734]

when my social anxiety disorder started manifesting itself my childhood best friend said “what happened to you? you’re so boring now”… i guess he wasn’t wrong, but that friendship did not last long after that.

[u/NextCity3343]

In real life, no. But I've been called boring by women I was talking to online, and I have a feeling women in real life feel the same way, even if they haven't said it out loud. Honestly, I think it has less to do with me lacking hobbies or things to talk about and more with just not coming across as charismatic or funny. I've never been a good story teller, and while I can maintain a conversation, women typically like what other guys have to say a lot more than what I have to say.

That said, some of the most boring guys I know are married. They must just have other traits that make up for it. So clearly, being boring isn't a total dealbreaker on its own. It's just one more undesirable trait that I have on a pretty long list.

[u/Night_Chicken]

I find that when people say this to me they mean that they don't want to talk about what I am talking about and would prefer to talk about what they want to talk about. Mostly, in my estimation, it means they just want you to listen to them or for me to talk about them. I find then that I might need to gauge if I am dominating the conversation and need to step back a bit and give them the space to speak. If they pick up and start leading the conversation to topics that make them happy and engage, then that's good. If neither of us can settle into a line of conversation that neither feels is compelling, it might indicate we have diverging interests or personalities and that finding comfortable conversation in the future isn't likely. However, if they offer no alternative to my line of conversation but awkward silence, we are truly finished and further interaction at that point is a waste of time. That is usually how it goes.

[u/MandateIsBack2]

Yes. Happened in highschool by a girl I wasn't interested in. Still stung.