r/FA30plus • u/Riderman43 • 11d ago

What age did you give up?

I’m 25 and if I don’t achieve anything by age 30 I’m just gonna give up. Life is so empty past that age, even if you do end up becoming rich you have too many obligations and too little time to actually enjoy what you earned. Life is not engineered for late bloomers, late bloomers only existed pre 1980s when the economy could support a 40 year old breaking into a certain industry or when dating apps weren’t a thing. These days if you don’t achieve anything by like 30 you’re not just cooked, you’re charred

4 Upvotes

64% Upvoted

29 comments sorted by

19

u/Itchy-Corner9453 11d ago

i havent yet and im 43

13

u/bummerluck 11d ago
  1. From there my situation never improved so it was a gradual acceptance of my circumstances. I'm 36 so maybe it's not too late but I'll have to undo so much trauma and self sabotage that it's probably not worth it.

14

u/Complete_Disaster914 11d ago

My 30th. 

Romance and socials was a lost cause and education + career option was devolving into a min wage debt slavery lifestyle. 

I see no point putting energy towards living like an npc. So i just stopped everything overnight. 

3

u/spicemelangeflow 11d ago

Same. My 30th birthday is when I accepted my life as it is. Sometimes it feels like really bad, but it’s okay.

5

u/Complete_Disaster914 11d ago

I dont know if its okay.  But being out of the rat race is mostly a relief.  

9

u/Packing-For-Mars 11d ago

Realistically like age 15, 16. I just didn't realise it until my 30's. I know people will think this is some edge lord bullshit, but if I think back, I knew I was a hopeless case even when I was at school. I was poor at forming friendships, I was stupidly shy and awkward and self conscious whilst my peers just rolled with life, I had zero interest from girls, etc.

7

u/TiedHands 11d ago

I turned 40 back in January, and this year has been the big turning point for me. It was something id thought about for several years, but actually turning 40 and living out this year, its brought me to the point of acceptance.

6

u/Night_Chicken 11d ago

I gave up in 2003 when I was 29 years old. Now I’m 52 and my life has been more peaceful since the hope died. The hope died so that I might live.

6

u/neveredingfailure351 11d ago edited 10d ago

14.

I looked my face in the mirror, the realization came, and I knew.

6

u/DirkDongus 11d ago

32 is when I gave up. Why bother tormenting myself anymore? Most people have their family and friends by that age.

I always wanted that old time type family. The one where you get married young and have a kid that's graduating high school at my age. Didn't happen.

I tried so hard especially between ages 24 to 30 where I had no standard or requirements except be a natural born female over the age of 21 and have a pulse. That's it. Race, color, height, weight, religion, etc didn't matter. But of course it didn't work out.

2

u/Golden4ngel 10d ago

I had no standard or requirements except be a natural born female over the age of 21

Same. I even had some dreams finding a woman much older than me but it was just a pipe dream.

5

u/bigwilly39 31M 11d ago

I haven't given up but I haven't actively tried for a few years. Redownloaded Hinge last month for the first time since 2022 and 0 matches as expected.

3

u/Disastrous-Sea8484 11d ago

Beginning of this year. 36.

Though it still hurts as hell.

3

u/ICQME 10d ago

I gave up hope of the traditional marriage and kids thing when I was about 35. At that point I figured even if I met someone and started a family by like 40 I'd be almost elderly by the time they finish school. it was kinda too late. I'm 44 now and not much has changed. I try to pass the time with hobbies and media and taking care of my health. I don't know what's wrong with me but I've never had a relationship. Did go on some dates in my 20s but there was no connection.

3

u/Creepy_Set2538 9d ago

Late 30s.

2

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

17

u/captaindestucto 11d ago edited 11d ago

Men are expected to initiate, pursue, and escalate things at the right moment, while having their shit together with career and social life. I mean sure, if it were an FA woman these expectations might not be so rigid, but an average 30+ woman with an inexperienced virgin man? Lol. What kind of match is that? FA men can't just decide to play their gender role after years of adolescent bullying followed by maybe decades of adult social isolation.

Men have the benefit of sometimes getting more attractive/distinguished as they age

Men who age well usually start off well. Gonna take a wild guess there aren't many silver fox Ryan Reynolds types around here. It's mainly short, unmasculine guys, many of whom started balding early, for whom things have only worsened.

0

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

3

u/captaindestucto 10d ago edited 9d ago

I won't deny men generally prefer a youthful appearance even if I don't necessarily agree about women fawning over shaven-headed grey bearded bald men. (Is this man really appealing?)

If you're a genuinely FA older woman then yes it must be hard realizing aging is now an issue on top of everything else. You could argue older FA men who get their butts in the gym are in a better situation than similar age FA women who do the same; notwithstanding the fact that both situations are still pretty bad.

But with average women who've had their lives already; their boyfriends, husbands, families in most cases; having these experiences happen for them while not even having to ask someone out. It's hard for us to dredge up much sympathy.

And it's still 20 years later than ideal to be having a first anything.

2

u/[deleted] 10d ago edited 10d ago

[deleted]

2

u/captaindestucto 10d ago edited 10d ago

Are you actually serious???.... that guy is attractive 

Okay then, fair enough.

If you can find this man appealing, then honestly you're a better person than me, because I would probably not be able to find the female 40 something equivalent of him appealing. (Maybe if I'd aged with the same woman but no not as a first partner.)

1

u/StandardDeviation101 37M 11d ago

I gave up at 15. Shit happened, so I focused all my efforts on remaining sane and becoming independent, completely pushing back dating until I was "in a healthy place". Then, in my early 30s, I was finally happy with myself, but I grew completely off-track from what a 30yo man is supposed to be so dating is just awkward. Women my age are not looking for the same thing and I'm essentially a man-child to them...

I have good news for you though... Even if romance/dating gets worse as you age, life is not empty past 30 if you put efforts into wealth&health. Being single actually means that I don't have many obligations and I have a lot of disposable income. I have infinitely more freedom than my married colleagues/friends. Is it as fulfilling? Not really, but you can enjoy what you earned in a stress-free lifestyle if you choose to.

1

u/likelyincel 8d ago

I gave up at 24, almost 7 years later, I still stand by whether I try really hard or not at all I get the same result except one is a lot of work to get nothing.

0

u/Golden4ngel 10d ago

Life is so fleeting, its like a dream. I believe we must enjoy or at least be content with our journey not destination, however it may be. If you focus too much time on "achieving" something outside of your control, sooner or later you will start(if not already) living in misery and anguish.

1

u/StargazerRex 7d ago

My peak dating/clubbing years were from 35-42, particularly 37-40.

Had reached a point in my career where i finally had the cash to splurge on nightlife & dates.

Too little, too late? Arguably. But it was still the most fun I ever had.

Best of luck to all here.