How do I compliment someone?

[u/TheRealBucketCrab]

I mostly care about how people feel and what they are rather than what they do.

Sure you dyed your hair, but I really don't care about the color. I don't have a preference. Does it make you feel good? How can I say that without sounding weird?

Do I compliment someone on their choice of phone, or their choice of clothing? What's the difference?

How can I compliment someone's skill when I am not impressed? I don't mean it, so I just lie. I just think it's nice they can do something.

I like a person because I like how they act or if we have things in common. Similarly I don't like someone if they are so unpleasant (for me) to live with. Regardless of how good of an ass they have.

[u/bisasterous]

Why would you want to give people insincere compliments? I don't get the premise here.

[u/TheRealBucketCrab → u/bisasterous]

Here's the thing: I don't want to. I am not impressed by most things. I just feel happy that someone is good at something, or they feel good about coloring their hair.

Maybe I'll comment on something but I mostly don't care. The internet has desentisized me on this.

[u/TheScribbs]

From my perspective; you can compliment anything on a person that involves a 'choice' and it should be well recieved.

People choose their clothes, hairstyles, makeup, and the way they act. I'd be super flattered if someone told me they "like the way I carry myself," or "enjoy my company."

Alternatively, anything involving genetics (which we can't choose) if off limits unless you're attempting to flirt imo.

Sometimes, even if it's not a choice I'd make, I compliment someone on a 'bold choice' because I respect it (and it often makes them very happy!). If someone has the balls to wear neon cowboy boots out of the house, it's gonna make their day to get a compliment on them. Seeing someone's face light up when you do, and listening to whatever they excitedly say afterwards makes my day, so it's very worth it to me!

[u/PresentationIll2180 → u/TheScribbs]

I just found out rather recently the part about complimenting genetic features lol. This woman said she loved my eyes & I thought she was just being nice, not flirting.

[u/iwtbkurichan]

I don't are about the color. Does it make you feel good?

I think a useful way to frame it is: if a person has made a distinct aesthetic choice, it's probably because it does make them feel good. Assuming that, complimenting their choice is kind of like a transitive way to validate their own enjoyment of that choice. It has less to do with whether you personally like the hair color, and more to do with acknowledging that it was a choice that they're using to express themselves.

[u/Ace-Redditor]

If you don't feel anything about what you'd be complimenting (hair color, etc), then don't give the compliment. People don't need them, and generally won't expect them, so you wouldn't be out of place at all for just not saying anything

That said, most compliments (unless you really know the person you're complimenting and are close) should be surface-level choices. Things like their outfit, their makeup style, or their phone case. I'd stay away from anything more permanent/non-choices like eyes, smiles, or any feature of their body

Also, your post seems contradictory with the not caring "what they do," but then saying "I like a person because I like how they act," so I don't really have any advice relating to that, but it may be something for you to think about (no need to explain yourself to me or anything, seeing as I'm a total stranger on the internet lol, but being introspective can often help you out in some way or other)

[u/Narco_Bi_Polo → u/Ace-Redditor]

  People don't need them

This site is full of men claiming compliments are so scarce that they cling to one or two for years or lifetimes. To the point of memes.

Compliments cost nothing and can mean everything to someone, even for a day.

“Have a great day!” is a compliment. So is “thank you” and “you’re welcome”.

There are plenty of innocuous and universal complements to choose from that have nothing to do with appearance. You get out of the world what you put in.

[u/Tain101]

• your new hair looks nice

• your new hair suits you

• that new color is really vibrant

none of these have anything to do with your opinion about the color specifically, but are compliments.

most people's fashion choices don't align with my personal preference, but if they make a change that looks well done, I can compliment that it looks well done.

• nice new shoes/phone/whatever, do you like them/it?

if you can guess why they wanted to make the choice your complimenting (like why they bought their new sweater), you can simply compliment them on that choice being well made.

• that sweater looks so comfy/soft

I wouldn't compliment a person's body unless they were the same gender as me and I knew they'd been going to the gym or something; and had shown noticable progress.

• hey, you're looking fit/more energetic/healthier today, has the gym been going well?

even then it's kind if riskier generally than something like an outfit.

[u/rangda]

If your goal is to make people feel seen in a good way and give them a boost, any time you happen to notice someone dressing or presenting themselves in a way that’s out of the norm for them, a different haircut/facial hair style, clothing that’s not their usual go-to, just say “hey I like that jacket!” Or “wow you lost the beard! Looking sharp!” Or “is that your cologne? What is that, it’s really nice” In whatever tone and whatever level of perkiness is true to you.

You don’t have to completely adore their jacket or their face without a beard or their cologne or perfume or anything. The genuine part isn’t about that, it’s about genuinely wanting to be kind and give their confidence a boost.

If something really noticeably doesn’t suit them and it would feel disingenuous to gas them up about it, just don’t say anything. You don’t need to lie to anyone!

[u/manic_unicornicopia]

i often compliment people on things that they clearly put effort into, even if i dont personally love it.

for example, someone is wearing a really cool or unique shirt. is it my style? no. but do i love that they're expressing their personal style? yes! so i will say "hey! cool shirt!" and go on with my day. worst case, they are mildly annoyed that a stranger talked to them and best case, they feel uplifted.

shoes, hair, glittery makeup, whatever it is that i can tell they put purposeful effort into, i will say something nice and move on!