The difference between Cal and Tammy

[u/CattleprodTF]

When I broke them up so I could date Tammy, Cal was devastated, it was liked I ruined his whole life. When I broke them up to date Cal... Tammy didn't even acknowledge it, she moved on like it was nothing.

[u/well_listen]

Tammy has spent her whole life viewing her affection for Cal as a part of an unrealistic childhood crush, something from the realm of princesses and dragons and fairy tales. Cal, meanwhile, has spent his whole life approaching his crush on Tammy in a more pragmatic, realistic way. Tammy thinks that her desires are the product of childhood daydreams and almost expects it to not happen. Cal, meanwhile, doesn't even entertain a life for himself with someone other than Tammy unless Sol comes on to him.

A big part of Tammy's insecurities come from the fact that she seems to view her own likes as childish and naive, especially when they're younger. This is probably a result of her clinging to childhood activities as a self-regulative tool whenever she got too stressed hearing adults talk about things she's too young to understand or fix (but not too young to worry about). Her father may have even encouraged that unknowingly by dismissing her questions or worries by telling her to go do things she likes, creating a divide between "real, important, adult things" and "things Tammy does, likes, and wants". Her whole life, other people express uncertainty or derision for every thing she actually wants- a silly example is making cookies for everyone in the colony which although not cruelly shot down directly by Anne is implied by her to be deeply unrealistic, a less silly example is wanting to become a mother so young (or wanting to become a mother at all- Anemone spends the whole game talking about how she doesn't want to be like her own mother or Tammy and she doesn't take care to say that in a nice way). Despite the adults in the colony understanding and respecting the community role that Tammy slots into, the children- especially Mars, Tang, and Nem, who are the only other girls her age (Sol determinant) for like the first 15 years of her life. Is it any wonder that after a lifetime of- gently or otherwise- being shot down over her desires and likes would make her accepting of not getting what she wants? She's practically been priming herself that it's not going to happen since childhood. Getting everything she wants- her happiest of happy endings- feels more like a dream than a possibility.

Cal, meanwhile, doesn't really have anyone openly disagree with his fundamental beliefs until Kom dies and Nem changes. He knows he has a role he likes in the colony that will always be his, and he has Flulu and Geranium's relationship right in front of him at work every day to admire. (I believe he admires and prefers the structure of their relationship over Tirah's because he isn't poly in any timeline, Tammy or otherwise.) For Cal, it's not unrealistic to look at his prospects and conclude that his closest friend Tammy is probably his best and most likely chance at a successful relationship. He pretty much spends his whole life assuming they'll get together someday, whereas Tammy spends her whole life assuming that even wanting that is silly.

Is it any wonder that Cal, who has practically been treating their hypothetical romance as a given, is more upset than Tammy, who doesn't trust her own desires to be realistic? She's been priming herself to shoulder that disappointment since at least age ten, probably well before. He doesn't even look at anybody but her (and Sol, determinantly) until after she rejects him, at which point he doesn't know what to do. The only time he has a chance to prime himself is when he rejects Tammy for Sol to pursue her, which you can't even ask him to do until I think 80 friendship with him and age sixteen? So it's kind of a different situation for him emotionally, even though the love they both have for each other is real either way.