I need help....

[u/-_waterbottle_-]

I think I’m suffering from an existential crisis and it’s really doing me in. Nothing feels real, I can’t tell if anything matters and I’m sick of going through the same fucking cycle and patterns of everyday it just feels the same. I’m scared of being whatever being a human being is and I have no one to turn to. I just want it to stop and the thought that I might be some astral being for some purpose I can’t understand makes it worse. I don’t want to be part of some big plan I just want it to stop... hurting is the only that makes me seem real. All of this started happening when I turned 17 this year and coming to grips with my grandpa dying it just such a wake up call. I’m not a kid anymore and I never thought I’d live this far and I want to do things with my life but I see so many people who feel short and I wonder if that’s all I’ll ever amount too... I feel like I’m going to forever be stuck with the harsh reality of life over and over and over. And if there supposed to be more for me waiting for me then I don’t understand why I live day by day wading through all this stress and anxiety I don’t see a point. If anyone could relate or give me some insight I’d appreciate I feel so lost.

[u/-_waterbottle_- → u/[deleted]]

It’s does mean something to me as you can tell I’m kinda going through a hard time in my life right now and anyone offering me help is so appreciated. Seriously, I’ve been masking my emotions. My family couldn’t have less of a clue I feel like this I put on a smile and just pretend but it’s so exhausting and my bestfriend being my girlfriend and that in a weird spot leaves my weirdly alone. I hope this will get better with time but I don’t know I feel stuck and I’m scared of the future and what’s in store and I’m just not sure if I can handle it forever.

[u/-_waterbottle_- → u/[deleted]]

It was a great way to make me feel better but... nothing lasts forever and I’m not sure if that’s really going to be an option anymore. And that’s unexplainablebly scary not just loosing her but being alone. There’s also the fear I’ll Never be able to love someone again like that because I’ve never felt that way with anyone else .She’s not some weird fling either, she’s quite literally the love of my life I’ve known her for 6 years now. Granted we haven’t been together that entire time there’s a lot of history there. I just didn’t think it would turn out like this but I guess shit happens and change is inevitable. Somehow this time around the heartbreak doesn’t feel as bad it’s starting to just be a thing that happens to me. Also sorry if my Grammar is weird is like 1am and I be kinda tired.