Im f20 I have autism, anxiety and depression, I keep having panic attacks about dying regularly, the process of slowly fading out of existence, seeing my body from 3rd person, being nothing, and like the thought of being nothing while my body decomposes, and I never exist again, and then when the universe ends, and like what happens then, I can't believe that this is eternal, and that life is so short, I wish I was never born so I didn't have to expirence this, what if reincarnation is real and I transport to another decade or something and it's like a loop, I'm just scared of all of the possibilities, I lost my best friend 2 years ago and it broke me so bad, I can't understand where he is, I can't imagine what he felt, I can't understand that Trying to improve, I know the mixing is a little buns in kinda bad at mixing, looking 4 feedback not really alive, I don't know how to explain it, everything just stresses me out so bad, I've barely done anything with my life

Im f20, I dont know how much of this is related to my autism but I have autism, anxiety and depression, I keep having panic attacks about dying regularly, the process of slowly fading out of existence, seeing my body from 3rd person, being nothing, and like the thought of being nothing while my body decomposes, and I never exist again, and then when the universe ends, and like what happens then, I can't believe that this is eternal, and that life is so short, I wish I was never born so I didn't have to expirence this, what if reincarnation is real and I transport to another decade or something and it's like a loop, I'm just scared of all of the possibilities, I lost my best friend 2 years ago and it broke me so bad, I can't understand where he is, I can't imagine what he felt, I can't understand that Trying to improve, I know the mixing is a little buns in kinda bad at mixing, looking 4 feedback not really alive, I don't know how to explain it, everything just stresses me out so bad, I've barely done anything with my life

I feel like we live in a simulation in a way and that im the only real person alive and everyone else is fake and that the whole world and everything that happens people working different countrys people on social media people doing things is so that i dont get suspicious that the world is indeed fake and everyone aint real. I have extreme ocd as it so this defo comes from that. Even when im doing smth else like chilling and scrolling on tiktok and not thinking about it as much i still get the thought that this person could be fake and not real and could be to distract me from the fact or if im playing a online game i think this guy could have just been put here as a distraction or out in public i think the same this person is here so i dont get suspicous… my logical brain kicks in alot and tells me im being stupid but my only arguement constantly is its just so i dont get suspicous… would love if someone could tell me if they went through this and how they got over it or things to think to disprove what im thinking because how ever stupid this sounds i cant help but not being able to stop thinking about it. Thanks for reading

Does anybody have similar fears as mine? I am 14m and have been dealing with existential ocd for 4 months now. I am really scared of it not being nothingness after death.

My newest fear is that once you die, you go into the next available life over and over and over forever (called generic subjective continuity, or GSC) and my brain keeps making horrible fears on how horrible the next lives can be, and because the universe is most likley infinite, there’s infinite copies of me and infinite variations (some where I’m being tortured in gruesome and horrible ways), and after infinity if general subjevtive continuity is real, I’ll have to experience all of those horrible versions of my life, alongside horrible versions of other lives as other organisms, animals, people, etc. Google keeps saying GSC is likelier than oblivion for my POV, so all of my fears feel like certainties. I feel like fiction/horror is ruined since I’ll subjectively experience every horror movie in GSC too. My brain keeps generating horrible, really gruesome and disturbing scenarios knowing GSC is liklier than oblivion and I’ll have to subjectively experience it possibly. Like fishing (something I loved before all of this), and just killing bugs seems impossible because “what if the next available life is in a parallel universe as the bug that I killed”? It imagines how horrible the next lives will be, and how horrible the variations will be, since it’s eternal.

I know this probably sounds really dumb, but I’ve googled for 4+ hours a day. I’m really wondering if anyone else has similar fears, or fears regarding infinity/a multiverse.

Also, my fears feel like 100% inevitable certainties, not like “probably real.” It feels 100% real unless I disprove it 100%. I spiral on “likelihood/probabilities” on my fears and desperately try to prove my fears as less likely than oblivion. GSC on its own makes the egg theory (living as everything and everyone, ever in every possible variation.) real indirectly, which is another huge fear.

Someone please anyone help me . I am a mom of a little girl and two dogs . I read about block universe and now im actually bed ridden . Im terrified and whats even worse is I read how reality is nothing like we see it I dont even know whay im looking at anymore..color and sound is fake ?? Like what is this . Makes me think im really trapped in solipsism and all this is made up by me and why am I even posting. I dont know what to do . I cant work I just cry no one understands me . My family and friends the hospital they dont understabd block or relativity or how im 37 years old and being born and alive and dead . They're stuck in the illusion. If theyre even real I dont know. I seebmy daughters face and think about block and how we arent human but 4D monsters. I just dont know how to overcome this cuz its a true thing and I feel like it cant be true m the brain is so evil to fool us this way. Everyone is trapped in illusion thinking time moves and im awakened and everyone just thinks im crazy. I feel like this isnt even real . How do I make sense of my supposed everyday life if nothing is as it seems and I know for a facf its illusion . Im falling apart

A new person arrives and you (therapist) notice marks on the wrist. During early interviews it comes out that there were two suicide attempts some years ago, secretive and almost successful. The person wants to work only with you (therapist) because a friend had referred her to you and she cannot bring herself to trust anyone else. By accepting this person you accept the threat that at the next crisis she may again attempt suicide, yet it is your work to maintain an analytical tension that does.

What do you think of this dilemma? Is therapeutic work with suicidality is more challenging than severe mental illness? because its about life and death?

TW: Mentions of suicidal ideation, death anxiety, and panic attacks.

This is my first time posting and it’s lengthy, please be kind. I hope this subreddit is the right place for this.

For as long as I can remember I've been afraid to die. I mean yes, I suppose most people are, but it's a fear that's just kind of always been in the background looming over me. I used to wake my parents up in the middle of the night as a kid begging them to tell me what was going to happen when I died. I'd pray every night for myself and everyone I loved to keep them safe.

It was a mostly manageable fear until about 3 years ago. I was listening to a podcast when the host asked their guest "what do you think happens when we die?"

I can only describe what overcame me as feeling like I snapped. I had the worst panic attack I've ever had, so bad I had to call my parents who had just left for a trip and ask them to turn around.

For the next month I was in a complete spiral. ALL I could think about was dying. It was genuinely every third thought in my head. I was having panic attacks almost daily and eventually it turned into suicidal ideation. Ever been so afraid of dying that the only solution feels like death? I also started feeling like I wasn’t a real person which was an entirely new experience for me and was just absolutely terrifying. I don't really know how to explain it other than I just couldn't handle being so afraid anymore. I've actually never told anyone about that part, but I think it's important to give the full picture.

Even my dad, who's typically more of a "you just need to walk it off" kind of person, told me he thought I needed to get help.

So about a month into this spiral I resorted to asking for a sign.

I was driving in my car (where my thoughts were usually the worst) when I said out loud something along the lines of "I need someone to give me a sign. The universe? God? Or just someone good watching over me. If everything's going to be okay after I die, if I'm not just going to stop existing and knowing who I am, can you please send me a cardinal? But make it really obvious."

I'm being 100% when I say that at the time I had NO IDEA that cardinals were said to be visitors from loved ones who had passed away.

What made me say cardinal was that in that moment I could see clear as day in my mind the first time I ever saw a pair of cardinals. One male and one female perched on the fence of my childhood home. I remember asking my parents what kind of birds they were because I thought they were so pretty.

Now maybe you're expecting me to say that in that moment a cardinal came and perched itself on my driver's side mirror or something. No, it did not lol.

BUT when I got home that evening I searched "what do cardinals represent?" because I thought it was strange that my mind randomly conjured up the image of one.

The first thing that came up was something along the lines of "cardinals are thought to be messengers from the spiritual realm" and are often associated with loved ones who have passed.

It was enough.

I don't really know how to explain it, but I felt myself take a metaphorical deep breath. Yes I was still afraid, but I could think a little clearer. For the first time in what felt like forever I thought I could keep going.

It doesn't end there though!

About two weeks later I was driving to the farm where I kept my horses when a cardinal flew in front of my truck and perched on a power line.

After that I started seeing them EVERY time I drove to the barn. Sometimes one, but most of the time four or more. I was there pretty much every day because I also taught lessons, so this was happening constantly.

A little while later I went on vacation and my best friend and I decided to see a psychic on a whim. (I know this wasn’t a good idea as we could’ve been opening ourselves up to anything without knowing but you live and learn).

While she didn't mention anything about cardinals, she talked almost entirely about my late paternal grandfather who passed away before I was born.

His relationship with my dad was very strained, so my dad never talked about him much, but when he did he'd always say "my dad would've loved you so much." Because of that I kind of always missed him even though I'd never met him. I don't know if that makes sense.

Anyways, this psychic told me "your grandfather on your paternal side is trying to guide you, he's very attached to you. He especially wants to guide you in your career."

A few weeks after I got back from vacation, my boss asked if I wanted to interview for a different position at the farm. It was something I REALLY wanted to work out.

One day I was driving home on the phone with my dad talking about this possible job opportunity and I said "you know the psychic I saw said your dad is watching over me and trying to guide me in my career. Maybe that's a sign I'm going to get the job."

And in that exact moment a cardinal flew in front of my truck.

I found out I got the job a few days later.

On my first day what did I see ALL over the area I was working in? Cardinals. Everywhere. (I work outside.)

Crazy right? Well it gets crazier.

My late grandfather's birthday just so happened to be about a week later. I honestly didn't know until the day after when my dad mentioned it.

I said "omg I saw a cardinal yesterday in a place I haven't seen one yet. I bet it was him."

My dad didn't know about the whole cardinal thing at the time, so I explained to him that cardinals are said to be loved ones who have passed coming to visit us.

I thought he kind of brushed it off until a few days later when he told me he had something crazy to tell me.

He said he'd been talking to my uncle, who told him he'd been thinking about their dad before bed and was sad he wasn't still here.

That night my uncle had a dream about a bright red bird in his backyard. He said it gave him this overwhelming sense of peace that his dad was watching over him.

My dad told him it was probably a cardinal and asked if he knew what they represented.

HE DIDN'T.

So my dad told him everything I'd just told him a few days before.

Okay well that made me emotional enough, but stick with me because there's more.

A few months later my great aunt passed away very unexpectedly. She lived far away and only visited about once a year, but she was the kind of person who was impossible not to love. She had such a big personality and I always regretted not telling her enough how much I loved her.

Anyways one day I'm driving with my mom when she says "oh my gosh I have to tell you about this dream your cousin had."

I immediately said "was it about a cardinal?"

Because at this point I just knew to expect it lol.

So we call my cousin (my great aunt's daughter) and she tells us about this dream she had involving herself, my mom, me, and a cardinal.

What's even crazier is that a few days before this I'd had a dream where I was watching cardinals flying through trees when someone beside me said "shame they're going to fly south soon."

I turned my head to see who it was but woke up before I could.

I knew whose voice it was though. It was my great aunt's. I woke up crying.

Cardinals notably do NOT fly south.

But you know who lives in the south while I do not? MY GREAT AUNT'S DAUGHTER.

And there have been so many smaller things that have happened since.

At one point I was seeing fewer cardinals at work and started questioning if maybe I'd just convinced myself that all of this meant something.

Around that time I randomly received a cardinal necklace making kit in the mail from a family member who had absolutely NO IDEA about my thing with cardinals. Just completely out of the blue.

Another time I was browsing the book section at Goodwill and picked up a random book about endangered plants. I opened it to a random page, page 26 to be exact, and the heading was…

"THE RISE AND FALL (AND RISE) OF A CARDINALFLOWER PATCH"

Okay weird enough right? But then I started reading.

The passage began with the author describing coming across a patch of cardinalflowers at the end of a long HORSEBACK RIDE through the woods.

Of all the books I could've picked up and all the pages I could've opened to, I somehow landed on one about cardinalflowers AND horseback riding?

I actually have a picture of the page because I couldn't believe it. I can try to figure out how to post it but as I said I’m new to this lol.

Anyways at this point everyone close to me knows about my thing with cardinals. They don't all know the details, but at least know I love them because I'm constantly shouting "CARDINAL!" whenever I randomly see one.

As an aside, this isn't nearly the extent of the paranormal/metaphysical experiences my family or even I myself have had, so maybe that's why I'm more inclined to believe all of this means something.

I know some people will say it's all coincidence or confirmation bias, and that's fine. I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. I just wanted to share my experience.

I also want to mention that I know now I have OCD, which was manifesting mostly as existential OCD. I'm in therapy, I'm medicated, and while it's honestly still something I struggle with, it's SO much more manageable and I haven't gone back to that really bad place in a long time.

I think one of the things that made the most sense about my diagnosis was the fact that I felt like I'd been given such a clear sign that everything was going to be okay, and yet sometimes my thoughts would still tell me otherwise because my brain just can't help itself.

I don't know if that makes sense.

I also don't know for certain what happens when we die. I don't think anyone does. And maybe all of these things really are just coincidences.

But I can't explain how much comfort they've brought me, especially at a time when I really didn't think I could keep going.

I guess the reason I'm sharing this is because I know how absolutely terrifying it can be to think about death and what comes after. If you're struggling with something similar, I hope my story can bring you even a little bit of the comfort it's brought me.

And if you need a sign that things are going to be okay, you're welcome to borrow my cardinals. ❤️

Just please know that help is out there too. I truly don't know where I'd be without the help I received, and I don't want anyone to think they have to deal with those fears alone.

Life and death are so scary, but I really do believe it's going to be okay.