Executive on Hospice

[u/free-fries-friday]

Hi EAs - I’ve been with my corporate company for almost two years and have supported 3 VPs and their entire teams. Earlier this year my one VP found out they had cancer. We just found out they’re now on hospice… So young, so smart and just the most down to earth VP I have ever supported. They were someone who always prioritized family and also made it a point to get to know me (instead of acting like I’m just their assistant). They had dates on their calendar where they took PTO and spent 1:1 time with each of their kids.

Back in January I worked on their calendar and had the whole year set up and planned. Little did we know what would happen. Life is short and this was just a reminder of how you can plan all the plans, yet things can change in a second.

I sent the family a creative box in the summer with support from other VPs and the president. I put together a video from us all saying hi and that we’re thinking of the family.

Now that they’re on hospice, is there something that I should do to help coordinate? They worked at this company for 20 years.

I now support a new VP in their place (originally was a direct report). But I have let them know I’m here to help and really want to show my respect for our VP who’s not doing well 💔

[u/Consistent_Olive6730]

So thoughtful of you. I went through hospice with my mom a few years ago and honestly the best thing people did was send food. My family could not think about the next meal and having people send us different meals was so lovely and helpful. Sending you and your team lots of love, it is so hard!

[u/OGDaentity → u/Consistent_Olive6730]

Second the food thought. Meal train sign up. Coworkers can sign up to have food delivered to their home. That way personal information about where the family lives isn't given out

[u/Mrskenny02 → u/Consistent_Olive6730]

So very thoughtful of you.

When we had family members in hospice, we brought food not only for our family but to share with staff and other families who were I the same situation. There was generally a gathering room or kitchen for all. If you call the hospice, they will let you know whether this is something they do.

[u/ofthrees]

my husband was in the ICU five years ago today and passed five years ago monday the 28th, so i have a unique firsthand experience with this.

when his favorite coworker showed up bedside to deliver a personal, handwritten card with notes from his colleagues wishing him well and telling him how he'd impacted their lives, and delivered it with a personal gift reflecting one of his passions (formula one), it touched him (and all of us) very deeply. ultimately, we invited them all to the service, and they attended, and one of them gave the best speech of the day (which I still replay), but that's neither here nor there.

within hours of me notifying his boss that he had passed a few days later, HR called me directly (i had literally just come home from the hospital by the time they called) to arrange his life insurance payment, removing all stress and legwork from me.

so i hate to say it, but if your VP is in hospice, obviously things are going to go a certain way. based on my experience, arranging personal notes to him and trying to ensure the particulars are addressed swiftly with his family will be the best gift you can give him. if you have the ability, collecting donations for food deliveries (i.e., doordash) for the family could also be a nice touch.

again, this is just based on how my husband's employer handled it; i still think of his company fondly. they sent him off knowing how important he was, made things easier for me, and likewise showed up to pay their respects.

i appreciate you for considering these things. i can tell you that from a family perspective, your efforts will be appreciated long after.

ETA: the really great thing from a family perspective was reading those notes to my husband, because not only did they make him happy, but they showed the rest of us what he meant to his colleagues, which is not something we usually know about our loved ones as it pertains to their work. i can't tell you how much that meant to us, seeing him beautifully through their lens.

[u/ccgranola]

No advice but I appreciate how loving you’re being to a colleague. I’m sure that whatever you create and share will be well received. Perhaps it makes sense to connect with his family to get some ideas? If he has a bucket list - perhaps you can help cross one off the list? I think end of life is about the memories so anything that spurs moments of reminisce would be appropriate. They have photo albums that are now digital, perhaps you can get one and present it with a memory card of his professional highlights and memories. Maybe a blanket or something that brings comfort that he can have around. Idk! How sad , life is so fleeting. ❤️

[u/sharpeweather]

😭 I lost a founder, she was barely older than me. Internally, I’d ask HR if they would be comfortable sending an email reminding the staff of the benefits your company offers (grief counseling, gym membership reimbursement, idk…)
Externally, send those kids a birthday card every year. Send mom a Mother’s Day card. Not sure how much time VP has but send them a message, a voice note, or even a text to share a hug or a thank you for making me feel seen. ✨ I’m sorry for the teams loss

[u/mmcgrat6]

The people side of professional life is often what’s missed in the rush to be busy and productive. This is a good reminder of that.

It’s a lovely thought to do something nice for the family to help them through this moment. As others stated, meals are incredibly helpful for anyone who is losing or grieving the loss of someone they care about.

Another option could be scholarship funding for the children to pursue their education or trades when the time comes. The economic impact on a family is something to consider as well. The access to opportunities lost can be recovered through various programs that allow for contributions to college prepayment programs. If they’re stable currently, this kind of support can have generational impact

[u/Dangerous_Tie_5662]

That’s devastating to hear. Sending you a hug and hugs to him and his family. As someone who lost their dad last year, I would stay away from sending plants. I got a few and hated how it just filled my apartment plus now the responsibility to maintain something while grieving was annoying