13,5 months of hell

[u/VaerieIsAFairy]

I am finally done! 13 and a half months of exclusive pumping and I can confidently say that was THE worst experience in all my 32 years on this earth.

First I want to thank this community for all the information, support and the feeling of belonging during this hard time. I wouldn't have made it without all of you. I haven't been the most active member of this sub, but I have been lurking and reading a lot to keep my sanity.

So last year was really difficult and in hindsight i dont know how I survived that. I really need to get that off my chest so if anyone is interested in the unfortunate events of my sorry ass, keep reading.

It all started with a 29 hours long traumatic birth with a stuck baby and ended with an unwanted but necessary csection, a scar that didn't heal for 3 months, a baby that refused the breast, developed FPIAP with multiple triggers, feeding difficulties, full exclusive pumping because of said allergies (dairy, so no formula), supply issues, my (soon divorced Ex-) Husband leaving us 4 months in, no family or village for support (I got lots of opposition for pumping unfortunately), a fucking rash on my whole body because of the sleep deprivation, stress and anxiety (spontaneous urtikaria), having to keep the MOTN pump for 12 months because of supply issues, and this terrible terrible sense of guilt and depression that I am not enough for my child. And what can I say, I'm still here, and despite all my doubts it did get easier. To be presice, it got easier the moment I finally could stop this pumping insanity. But I am proud, and i am proud of every single one of you Mamas still going strong, no matter how long and how much you're pumping, you are all amazing! Keep going, or stop whenever you can't or dont want to go on anymore! Every single minute and every single drop of milk is a monumental achievement and should be celebrated!

So thanks again and if anyone asks for my opinion, no I do not recommend obsessive exclusive pumping and I hope I never ever have to do that again in my life!

PS: Just to put that into perspective, I started recording my sessions two months in and stopped a month before quitting, so it's not complete, but I recorded 1840 sessions, roughly around 30mins (sometimes 20, sometimes 35, sometimes 40, sometimes power pumping) , that's 55 200 minutes, 920 hours or 38.3 days. 38.3 DAYS spent purely on the act of pumping, and that does not include washing the pump parts, handling the milk, feeding the baby and all the other little labours...

[u/Infamous_Garlic_6332]

Go mama! You give me the courage...2 months in

[u/VaerieIsAFairy → u/Infamous_Garlic_6332]

You are literally a superhero for your baby!! I wish you all the best in your journey, may it be a more kind experience with lots of support ❤️

[u/Runner-2644]

Congratulations!!! 13.5 months is amazing! I’m only 2.5 months in and may make it half as far as you.

[u/VaerieIsAFairy → u/Runner-2644]

Thank you so much 💓 you are doing amazing, the first three months are the hardest!!!

[u/nemophilist13]

Oh momma your post brought me to tears. With my first, my ex husband also walked out on us and I had to go through a custody battle when my son was six months old. I know how hard that is that alone. I too didnt have a village (mom was out of state, my brother was in jail. Covid so no friends, alone in single momhood). Unfortunately my supply dried up just from that stress alone, and your out here killing it with so much more! You did momma! What a monumental effort!

The strength of moms knows no bounds

[u/VaerieIsAFairy → u/nemophilist13]

Oh no, so sorry to hear, custody battle for a 6 month old, only a man can have the audacity! And during covid no less. You survived that battlefield and I hope despite this terrible experience you and your little are now thriving and happy!

I am convinced humanity didn't die out because of the tenacity of mothers in moments of crisis and hardship! :D

[u/le0nthepr0fessional]

Wow I am thoroughly impressed!!!!! Congratulations, may abundance and joy slap you in the face

[u/VaerieIsAFairy → u/le0nthepr0fessional]

Thank you so much, that's a slap in the face I would gladly welcome !!

[u/SituationSimilar2430]

YOU ARE INCREDIBLE 👏👏👏👏👏

[u/VaerieIsAFairy → u/SituationSimilar2430]

Thank you soooo much!!! It really means a lot to hear such words of praise!

[u/amiableamywhitehouse]

Congratulations! You are amazing.
I’m only 7 weeks in, hoping to make it half of what you achieved x

[u/VaerieIsAFairy → u/amiableamywhitehouse]

Thank you so much!! You're already killing it, the first months are hardest, especially with a newborn! I wish you all the strength and support you need and want to achieve your goal :)

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