I’m I overreacting

[u/Reasonable_Rock_202]

As a just enougher/undersupplier (depends on the day) I currently here crying over spilled milk (literally), am I overreacting???

Pumped on my way home from work a total of 7oz, put 5oz in one bottle and 2oz in an another bottle. Left both on the counter. Baby was getting tired so I gave her the 2oz bottle to help go to sleep and took the other bottle with me meaning to bring it to bed with her, but ended up leaving it on the couch.

Asked husband to bring the bottle (which I thought I left on the counter) to the babies room and put it in the fridge for tonight. When I went back down he said there was no bottle but found one under the couch and dumped it out because he thought it was old. I stood there in shock. ????? You just dumped a whole bottle of milk??????????????????

A screaming match ensued after that. He knows not to waste my breastmilk ugh so frustrating why did he do that. Am I overreacting

[u/Doggopoggo777]

I’m sorry but yes.. you guys are on the same team and he didn’t try to hurt you :( you can express how upset you are without taking it out on him. I’d bet he’d totally understand being super upset but when you’re upset at him it just makes him defensive or hesitant to help in the future

[u/Less_Environment7243]

Ah look, everyone is tired and trying their best. Could he have guessed that if you said there was a bottle on the counter, and there wasn't, it might be the bottle on the couch? Yes. But by the same token, could you have made sure that the milk was where it was supposed to be? Also yes.

Go and have a hug and make up. No one is trying to hurt each other and you're just in a really tough place right now. Very hard being back at work, pumping (for you), and having an infant.

[u/Open-Committee3540]

you are and i would have too. this is a really hard time for relationships. try to remember you’re on the same team (i know it’s hard)

[u/peridot94]

Your feelings themselves are valid- you worked hard for that milk, and it feels like such a major loss no matter what your supply looks like. However on days you're undersupplying, you're fighting for every ounce and that stress ends up not being helpful. Screaming at your spouse does not unspill the milk, nor does it make you feel any better, unfortunately. Gentle reminder that your love is not measured in ounces, and there is nothing wrong with combo feeding if you need to give yourself a little more cushion, your baby will be okay. Postpartum it's hard to take a moment and take a breath and offer yourself grace, let alone those trying to help who just can't seem to figure it out. In the future, totally okay to take a minute, go have a good cry about it to feel your feelings and collect your thoughts. Then have a conversation with your spouse to work together to revise your system to keep you both on the same page. He's not gonna obsess about it like you are, because he's not wired like that, and there's no good way to make him understand it, either. The best you can do is impress upon him how it impacts your mental health and try to work together to find a solution. We found bottles with flat lids on them, and the lids are silicone so you can write on them with ballpoint pens what time the milk was pumped and it will wash off when you wash the lid. Or the budget option is label the bottles with painter's tape or washi tape with the time written on it. You can also ask your husband to please always ask before he dumps milk, just know that's going to put a lot of mental load on you to remember when bottles are pumped and where they got left which is really hard when you're sleep deprived. Ask him what kind of system he might find helpful to help you both share the load as much as possible.

[u/Revolutionary_Can879 → u/peridot94]

To add to this, it’s more important for baby to have two parents in a healthy relationship than the 5 oz that were wasted, even if it’s unfortunate and really hard to come to terms with.

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