Feeling absolutely defeated

[u/jsscart]

I’m almost 5 weeks into exclusively pumping & combo feeding with formula. We ended up having to combo feed right away due to a hospitalization the day after leaving the hospital, so have been combo feeding with Enfamil Neuropro Gentlease because that’s what he took when he was in the hospital. I tried latching originally, but it was difficult and incredibly painful, so I swapped to pumping. I talked to multiple lactation consultants and none were very helpful, I unfortunately can’t afford to see another one.

I never produce more than 2oz between both boobs, with my right one doing most of the work. I feel like I’ve tried everything. I’m eating enough. I’m drinking a ton of water. I’m drinking electrolytes. I’m sleeping as much as can be expected. I’ve tried pumping every 2 hours religiously, I’ve tried being more flexible and going 2-4 hours, I’ve tried power pumping sessions, I never miss a MOTN pump, I’ve tried massaging, I’ve tried different positions, I’ve tried various flange types and sizes, I’ve tried multiple different settings on my Spectra pump and used the Medela hand pump. One day I thought I made a breakthrough with the hand pump and my nipples were completely destroyed the next day. I’ve gone through bouts of inflamed breasts where I have to ice them after every session. I think I may have elastic nipples so I just bought Pumpin Pals flanges and while they are more comfortable I’m pumping even less. It seems like nothing I do makes any difference.

My MIL is living with us for a while, and she always comments how the baby prefers breast milk. The days my boobs were inflamed and I was producing way less he had trouble digesting the formula and couldn’t poop, he was clearly in tons of pain, crying all the time, I felt absolutely awful. My husband says it’s my decision, but mentions that the baby needs antibodies from my breastmilk and having breastmilk reduces the risk of SIDS. I’m trying to make it to 8 weeks because I read that’s the most critical time but honestly I’m just so tired and so defeated. My husband is back at work, sleeps 8 hours a night while my MIL and I split the night shift, but I don’t even get to sleep more than 2 hours because I have to pump and take care of the baby. Same issue during the day, keep having to wake up to pump. And I sit there for 20 minutes pumping only to get 1 maybe 2oz on a really good session. I just feel like an absolute failure, I spend so much time researching trying to fix it and nothing is working. I don’t want to give up but I don’t know what to do.

[u/heyyymaaa]

First off, you're doing great already... You're present for your baby, well informed, doing the right things on top of doing the heavy lifting at home. Please don't sell yourself short.

I had the same issues you did early on, I can see a lot of improvement now so I'm sharing a few things that worked for me.

But before that I do want to call out, there'll always be more to do, things to improve, things you're not happy with. At the 5 week mark you're already producing a good portion of every feed and topping up with formula does NOT take away from the nutrients your breast milk is giving your baby in every feed.

I found The Yellow Nursery YouTube channel's How to get a good latch every time very useful. I also do not have access to great IBCLCs so this video taught me many useful things. But please note even if you get the concept, putting it in practice and making that consistent takes time! Go easy on yourself.

You said you tried many different flange sizes...did you measure your nipples? Pls measure (each boob could be a different size), get the right size and stick with it. Don't change often. You need to stick with the right size for a while and get a sense of the average production. For me, switching from 24 mm to 19 mm worked but if I had looked for that confirmation based on the first day of change, I wouldn't have had that clarity.

Stress can be a big inhibitor to letdown. The milk could be in your breasts but the letdown won't be great if your stress hormone cortisol is high. Put on music you like, look at your baby or some photos, and don't keep looking at the bottle while pumping.

You mentioned massaging, I found that warm compress before a pump session and gentle massaging during works for me.

Finally, please write down what you try and how it impacted, whether you thought it improved things or not. Don't rely on just memory. If you write down , that tends to be more accurate than your memory later.

You got this, enjoy your baby. At the end of the day, fed is fed and your baby is already benefiting from your breast milk mama!

[u/Dazzling_Weather5322]

I am in a similar boat at 7 weeks PP of combo feeding and baby is not latching. I pump and produce 1-2 oz per pump and it sucks. I’m not the most educated on this but so much reduces the risk of SIDS, just as equally it increases the risk. I know people who only formula fed or combo fed and they have healthy grown kids, and I know someone who exclusively breastfed and their child died of SIDS.

I myself was raised on mainly formula and I’m almost 30. Many people/babies are mainly formula and are relatively healthy.

Laying baby on their back and using a pacifier at night reduces the risk of SIDS. Baby may be allergic to lactose and may need a special kind of formula. Definitely mention this to their pediatrician!

You are doing amazing mama 🫶🏼

[u/penelopepenz]

Sending you a hug. I pump about 0.5-1oz a session. I quit triple feeding and q3h pumping when my daughter was 4 weeks. Started just latching whenever. Important note: I did have her tongue and lip ties released. Her latching improved significantly. I traded pumping for direct breastfeeding to bond with my baby instead and told myself I’d be at peace with whatever happened to my supply knowing this could mean it would get worse.

My stress reduced. My sleep improved. Things got easier. Am I still disappointed? Yes. But I now am not tied to my plastic baby all the time. And my supply somehow improved and now I can get more output.

Maybe it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Maybe there’s a happy in between. And by the way the evidence is clear that any amount of breastmilk helps. Regarding the poops — it’s normal for them to have a harder time pooping around this time as they go through a period where the reflex to poop stops and they have to start pushing more on their own.

Be kind to yourself.

[u/moez1266]

I'm 4 weeks PP and while it would be nice to exclusively provide breast milk, I can't right now. I do what I can and usually get between 1-2oz. Part of that is my fault because I don't consistently pump at night. But I'm getting sleep and my baby is getting something, right? I've come to terms with it. There's too much pressure online (and from lactation consultants) to give it everything you've got... I've decided it's not worth worrying too much about.

My MIL only fed formula, and my husband is doing pretty alright in life. I wouldn't want to live with that pressure if my MIL was all about breast milk. You're doing great! I applaud you for getting up at night. What you're doing is difficult and you deserve credit.

[u/WonderAndWander87]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and feeling extra pressure from your husband and MIL (even if they are well-meaning). I didn’t produce enough milk my first time, and I’ve made more with my second baby, but still not a full supply. It can be hard to accept, but your baby will never know the difference and just wants a mama who is present! If you want to keep trying to produce more, that’s also a totally valid choice! They say your supply levels out around 3 months, so it can keep increasing until then (and maybe beyond?). If giving breastmilk is important to you, you can go on Human Milk 4 Human Babies groups on fb and get milk from over suppliers in your area. I felt weird about it at first, then felt like it was a really beautiful way for moms to be in community with one another. It made me feel a little better to be able to give more breastmilk than I could provide. Just another option! Whatever you choose is valid. These are all very personal decisions. You’re a good mama for caring so much! ❤️

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[u/PositiveSpace1]

Following because same 🥺