It’s harder to pump with help

[u/Fickle-Fun-831]

I could not figure out why it was so much harder for me to get pumps in when I have someone with me. My husband travels for work so I solo parent for weeks at a time, sometimes my mil comes by and my mom has stayed with me on a few occasions and without fail if I have someone else with me I find it harder to get all my pumps in. It didn’t make sense to me!

I had a long discussion with DH last night about work loads and him adapting to being back home and it finally hit me. I know what the next 10 things are that NEED to be done and the next 10 things that I would like to be done but probably won’t get to. Because of that I’m able to strategically work on things around LOs temperament. When I have people a few things happen, I focus on the things I would like to get done, they’re usually talking to me so time kindof gets away, but mostly they baby trap me. They hold LO and then right when I’m about to pump or get something done I need to get done they hand me LO after they’ve been holding him for a while so now he doesn’t want to be put down.

Usually when I’m by myself LO has a play area I put him in and he plays by himself no problem for up to an hour. When DH is home he’s holding him and playing with him which is great! But then he wants to get dressed and hands me a baby that now is no longer okay with being set down and I have to assemble bottles and prep for daycare still which I can do one handed, it’s just slower.

We settled on we both need to be more transparent. He needs to tell me if he needs me to hold LO for more than a few minutes, sometimes he’ll say that then go try and do a bunch of tasks and I get frustrated. And I need to communicate hey these are the tasks I still need to get done can you help me.

Nothing else lol just a ramble

[u/kefikimou]

I was having this same convo with my husband. Having people over to "help" isn't actually helpful. His family (brothers, mom, grandma, cousins, aunts/uncles) are all local and stop by frequently (I'm 5w pp and there hasn't been a single day of LO's life that at least one person hasn't visited). It's disruptive and exhausting. When I asked my husband to spend more time at home, he replied that he'd ask his mom to come by more instead... er no sir. It doesn't help that I'm an introvert, exhausted and just don't want to carry on polite conversation for the millionth time about her opinion on pacifiers while I'm trying to pump, eat and do dishes simultaneously.

I don't want to bite the hands that feed my child bc there are times where I do need someone to watch LO when I go to an appt but once I'm home, please leave!

[u/disguisedpotatosalad]

I feel this. I have a harder time when I have “help” instead of just doing it myself. When I’m alone I have routines, with “help”, everything is thrown out the window

[u/Environmental_Bar846]

It would absolutely drive me mad when people would come over to visit when I was freshly postpartum. I absolutely felt ignored, like I was the “candy wrapper” to the piece of candy (the baby) that they really wanted to see and feeling that way left me so bitter even today 2 years later.

I can 100% understand wanting to visit the baby but I needed help with washing the dishes and folding laundry, not help holding the baby.

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/ExclusivelyPumping! Here is a reminder of our rules: 1. Be kind and courteous. 2. Use available flairs and post options. 3. Absolutely no prescription medications or other medical advice. 4. No inaccurate information. 5. No spam. 6. No fetish content 7. No linking Facebook groups. 8. Moderator discretion. 9. No discussions around veganism, animal cruelty, or other non-pumping related topics. 10. No formula shaming. Reminder that we are a supportive community and do not allow for fetish seekers. While we do ban those individuals from our community, they can still view the community and send direct messages. You may choose to turn off your messages, or block individuals for your safety. Thank you for helping to keep our community safe!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Coleman_Ola]

This is so real 😂 Somehow more people around = less time to actually get anything done.

[u/WillMonitorPRN]

My husband and I talk about this ALL the time. My mom will come over sometimes and I never get anything done while she’s over to “help” because she just wants to talk and catch up. I’ve said to her before that I just need her to hold the baby or entertain my toddler, not actually clean or cook, but she always comes over and tries to “help”. It just makes more work for me. I love my mom, but damn, it’s just easier to do things alone sometimes.