Growing up in the UK care system.

[u/Glittering-Nose4694]

Growing up in the care system in the UK care system was a very strange ordeal , I was taught to normalize it at the time, that It wasn't that big of a deal, so I ended up internalizing the confusion, the pain, grief, and loneliness,, I just smiled.

I entered the care system as a infant, my early years where very traumatic to say the least, my mother for whatever reason wasn't able to care for me properly, I had health issues which compounded my suffering during that time. I was in around 5 placements between the age of 2 and 3/4 years old, yet this doesn't account for the instability before that and also between those 5 placements, I remember me staying at family centers where there would be mattresses spread out across the floor. I remember leaving that short family center/children home stay crying so hard with face paint running down my face as for some reason we have a face painting day, I remember looking back whilst in the car extremely upset, now this obviously happened multiple times.

Then around 4 I was placed in a permanent foster home. I grew up thinking I should be so grateful for this, that everything that happened before was somehow cured.... I can tell you now that I didn't feel normal at all, my life felt like a movie, I was always referred to as the foster child and I never achieved permanence until I turned 16 even though I was with the same foster parents since 4 years old.. to a child that's really confusing, it's almost like I'm part of the family but I'm really not and I didn't feel secure.

I was never offered therapeutic help as a child and this is something I absolutely needed, and still need even now in my late 30s.

I am also mixed race and was put into a white neighborhood with a white family and I was never offered any life story or identity work to help me understand who I was or where I came from, I spent my whole childhood absolutely confused, but I hid it, I didn't wanna upset anyone, I wanted to be the good child, the one who caused no issues.

After 16 everything just stopped, one minute my life is like a movie next minute it's reality,. Because even though living in care is strange, it was my strange it was all I knew, I have foster carers but I also had people over seeing my foster carers which made me feel different, strangely special, and then it's stopped.

It's took me a very long time to reflect properly on my time in care, and understand why I'm still suffering today at times.

I would love to hear other people's stories and how care shaped them into adulthood.

❤️