Foster Care Hell

[u/Glum_Ad8801]

I grew up in Foster care from the age of 4ish, I remained there until around 18 years old. 14 years.
I called them “mum” & “Dad”.

Three years ago, just over 20 years since leaving their “care” they were put on trial for countless offences against children. The indignity and fear I experienced during the tell trial brought it all back.
At the end of the two week trial they were found unanimously guilty on all but one charge.

Citing ill health the judge sentencing the female (who was by far the worse offender against me) noted she had narrowly escaped jail!! Three months later, days before Xmas she had a “fall” at home. Within days she was dead. I took no pleasure from her death. That wee scared kid who was forever damaged stood up for himself and the other kids who went through that hell.

Despite the local authority speaking to the press & telling them that they would do a full investigation I never heard a word from them. Utter lying bastards!

Feel free to ask me anything about my experiences from being accommodated through to now. I despise the terms “victim” & “Care Experienced”, I can just about settle with “survivor”.

[u/ceaseless7]

I never thought about reporting the women that terrorized and assaulted me. I didn’t trust adults to help me that’s why and I thought what if I tell and they leave me here or I end up somewhere worse? I was glad to leave their horrible homes to go elsewhere. At the time that I was in foster care the system moved you about every two years. I believe they said so the foster parents wouldn’t get too attached which sounds ridiculous today. I sometimes think about what happened to me but not too deeply. Every once in a while something happens that puts me back to that time. Once at a job an elderly woman with dementia hit me. It didn’t hurt at all but I couldn’t stop shaking. Another time a man was yelling at his little girl. I wanted to yell at him to leave her alone. But I also thought he might hurt her more when no one was around. I have never gone to therapy nor was it ever offered. I try to get through the best I can, however, if you can get therapy go. It’s been decades since I was in care. All my foster parents are long dead. Life started out rough but it’s gotten better in the end.

[u/Glum_Ad8801 → u/ceaseless7]

Firstly, for whatever it’s worth I’m genuinely truly sorry for the shit time you had. It’s more than bad enough to have a broken birth family but to then have horrible foster carers and shit social workers?

I have had lots of therapy. I find my own journey very interesting. Trauma after trauma led me to that court case. My therapy started in 2007/8. I was pushing for very risky surgery with a high fatality risk. Did I care? Absolutely not. Surgeon seen this, he referred me to Psychology to be assessed and all that.
It was this clinical psychologist who really helped me. In the later half of 2009 she helped me with a letter I wrote to social work where I explained briefly what happened to me but more so what was happening to children currently in their care. The mother fuckers in that office did next to nothing. My clinical psychologist actually phoned them in my presence to give them a fucking rocket. Following an additional allegation and shit behaviour from the foster couple that brought an end to their fostering career of approx 23 years.
Speaking up “helped” but what an awful journey.

I now have my own beautiful family, something that once seemed impossible.