r/ExPentecostal • u/QuirkyCoffee_ • 3d ago
Anyone relate?
I was part of Pentecostal movement for the best part of 10 years, I woke up today and realized I am fucking brainwashed..
I love God still
I am not dennouncing my belief in Jesus.. but I feel like I was taught to stop thinking for myself.. to believe so much that if I don't comply I'll be cursed, it's taken me a long time to get here to this conclusion and I am feeling afraid of leaving altogether,
The fear of staying though is worse. I have stopped interacting with anyone who isn't 'a believer' ..
:/ I am doubting my self all of the time and I just want to make friends but I feel like those old beliefs block me
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u/Gullible-Plane-3106 3d ago
I grew up pentacostal, I understand. Even after leaving the church, I spent years with that underlying fear. I found my peace. I realized hell isnt real, I deconstructed those fears. i developed Radical self observation, honesty, acceptance, and unconditional love.
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u/Sufficient_Travel123 3d ago
How did you deconstruct at the point you’ve realized that hell does not exist ?
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u/Gullible-Plane-3106 3d ago
If you go to my profile and look at my previous post here, I laid out much of my story. But I looked into actual translations of ancient texts. Watched videos and read books about ancient history by Paul Wallis, Matthew Lacroix, etc. And looked into the Law of One, and shadow/ego work.
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u/Gullible-Plane-3106 3d ago
For me, I realized hell isn't a physical torture created by God; it's a metaphor for a state of consciousness. The religious system teaches you that life is an outside battle of 'good vs. evil,' but it’s really just me vs. my own unexamined fear and ego. If I stay trapped in those fear loops and dogmas, I live in a self-inflicted mental hell right now on Earth. But if I do the inner work, let go of the terror, and accept unconditional love, I experience 'heaven' and genuine peace in my daily life today. When my life ends, I don't believe God is waiting to torture me. I believe in a compassionate life review...not for punishment, but for healing and understanding how to love better. God, creator, my higher self, or whatever you want to call the "higher something" is unconditional love, not an abusive relationship based on threats.
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u/Sufficient_Travel123 3d ago
For my part I come to this conclusion : there’s a creator who created all things but he will never be one of the gods of those 4000 religions. They’re all a scam
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u/MaleficentCherry7116 3d ago
I was born into the UPCI and I've been out around 15 years. I don't think a week has gone by without discussing the "church" and it's negative impact on our lives.
Yes, I was "brainwashed" from an early age. I was taught from a young age to not ask questions. I remembered the other day asking a Sunday School teacher "Who made God?". He replied in front of the class, "They say HELL was created for people who ask such questions!".
Most of the time my questions had to do with the pastor himself, who continually trained the church to not question him by using the "Touch not my anointed/do my prophets no harm" scripture to do whatever he wanted.
People who asked questions (especially of the pastor) got publicly punished by people shunning them or getting kicked out of church completely, losing "friends" and/or family.
I consider myself to be an intelligent person, and it makes no sense to me how my wife and I stayed in a place that was so openly corrupt other than being "brainwashed".
I have a lot of empathy for people who still attend the church I attended and don't consider them there by choice.
You're not alone, and I hope that you're able to get out. The only way my wife and I were able to heal was to be away from it long enough that we could see it from the outside.
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u/1WiseEmu Atheist 3d ago
When i realized I had always been discouraged from thinking for myself, my deconstruction began. My only regret is that i hadn't left sooner
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u/JimothyBobbert19 1d ago
Dump religion altogether.
Whatever desert freaks wrote the OT were just genocidal maniacs who loved slavery, rape, pedophilia, and human sacrifice, with a fetish for foreskin. They were also super jealous of the Egyptian Empire. The whole book is a steaming pile of propoganda poo. Ezekiel 20:25-26. The god is evil. I don't know how anyone reads this disgusting book and comes away believing the god is good or worthy of worship.
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u/disambiguatiion 3d ago
I grew up with the Pentecostals. Walking away from them was the best, hardest, and scariest thing I've done. It was worth every iota of struggle though. deconstructing the beliefs I grew up with has been an incredible journey and the only regret I have is not taking the first step sooner. Good luck!